A Casual Affair
by Jessica B
Summary: A look back at the history of Supernatural, with the addition of an OFC named Lily Jacobs. We meet her in the gaps of the story. She and Dean have a history, and she sometimes goes along for the ride. A/N: I'll try not to change much of the canon, especially through S5, but I may change some things up in later seasons. We shall see. :)
1. Chapter 1

Lily Jacobs walked into the bar looking for a good time. Nothing crazy. A few beers, maybe some dancing. Just something to take her mind off of the job. From her seat at the counter, she made eye contact with a pretty good-looking guy, but, as he walked toward her, she saw someone else sitting a few tables behind him.

"Looks like my night just got better," she said to herself. She ordered a beer, and as the man sat next to her, she stood and walked away. Best to let him think he'd made a mistake; that she had been looking past him, not at him. She made her way to the man at the table. There was another guy there she didn't recognize. He saw her walk up, but she motioned for him to keep quiet, putting a finger up to her lips. He seemed hesitant, but he didn't say anything. She walked up behind him, lowered her lips just behind his ear, and whispered, "Hey, Tiger."

A smile spread across Dean Winchester's face at the familiar voice and nickname. He turned his head, "Lily!" He stood and grabbed her into a hug, practically lifting her off the ground. He leaned in to kiss her, but she put her finger up to his lips.

"Shouldn't you introduce me to your friend before you maul me?"

Dean barely glanced at Sam. "That's no friend. That's my brother."

"Thanks a lot, Dean," Sam said.

"This is Sam?" Lily asked. Dean let her out of his embrace and pulled a chair out for her. After she was seated, he moved closer to her and rested his arm across the back of her chair. Lily reached across the table to shake Sam's hand. "Lily Jacobs."

"Sam Winchester."

"Lily and her dad worked a case with me and dad about two years ago, while you were at Stanford," Dean said.

"You're a hunter?" Sam asked Lily.

"Yep. Dad raised me in it. I haven't seen your brother, here, in almost a year. Where you been hidin', Winchester?"

"We've had a lot goin' on. You have perfect timing, you know that?"

"Do I?"

"I've had a rough couple of days."

"A job?"

"This last one was more than a job. It was back at our old house."

"In Kansas?"

"Yeah."

"The thing that killed your mom?"

"No... no, it was something else."

"Well, did you get it?"

Dean glanced at Sam, and they exchanged a knowing look. They didn't get it, their mom's spirit did.

"Yeah," Dean said, "it's gone."

"Then you did good. That had to be hard though, going back there."

"Nothing I couldn't handle."

She smiled at him. He always had to act so tough. "You staying in town tonight, or just passing through."

"We were thinking about getting a room for a couple days."

"Well, then..." she leaned in to whisper in Dean's ear, "I have something else you can handle... if you're interested."

Sam knew by the grin on Dean's face that he would be spending at least part of the night alone in a motel room. Lily addressed both of them. "I'm staying at the motel just next door. I think they still have a vacancy."

"Awesome. Sam, why don't you go get us a room. I'll stay here with Lily." He tossed Sam the keys to the Impala. "Go ahead and park her for the night."

Sam walked back to the bar with Dean's key. When he walked up to the table, Dean and Lily were kissing in a way that was leading somewhere best kept out of public view. Sam cleared his throat and tossed the room key onto the table.

"For whenever you decide to sleep, dude."

"Thanks, Sammy," Dean said with a grin. "You goin' back to the motel?"

"No, I think I'll stay here for a few."

Dean turned back to Lily. "You ready to get outta here?" he asked.

"Definitely." Dean stood and pulled Lily from her chair. "It was nice to finally meet you, Sam."

"Same here."

Dean draped his arm around Lily's shoulders as they walked to her motel room. When she stopped to unlock the door, Dean already had his lips on her neck.

"Same old Dean," she smiled. "Nice to know some things never change."

"Don't pretend you don't like it."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

She slowly backed into the room, and Dean followed, closing the door behind him.

"I'm really glad I ran into you," she said, backing toward the bed.

"Same here, Kitten."

She smiled. "You actually remembered."

"Hard to forget a night so good I get the nickname 'Tiger.'"

"It was that predatory look in your eye."

"I got you purrin', didn't I?"

"Yes, you did."

Dean captured her lips as he lowered her to the bed. He crawled over her as she scooted up, and she couldn't help but laugh.

"See... predator."

Dean responded by lightly grazing his teeth over the skin on her neck, causing her to moan. No more words were spoken as they gave in to desire. They never planned for it, but they both looked forward to these chance encounters. Being with someone familiar was nice.

Afterward, they lay there talking.

"So, where's John?"

"Dad's kinda missing."

"Missing?"

"He went off on a job and we haven't heard from him. I even called him from Lawrence. All I get is his voicemail."

"Is that why you have Sam with you? I figured he would still be in school."

Dean sighed. He told Lily all about Jessica, and Sam leaving school to help find their dad, and whatever killed their mom and Jess.

"That's awful," she said. "How are you holding up?"

"Like I said... you have great timing."

"Glad I could help," she said with a smile.

Dean slipped out before the sun was up, leaving Lily sleeping with a note next to her that said 'thanks for a fun night.' Sam was still asleep as well. Dean climbed into bed and waited for Sam to wake him. They would be calling John's friends to see if anyone had heard from him. They were hoping one of them knew something. He woke up to a text from Lily. It said 'you're welcome.'


	2. Chapter 2

Lily sat at home watching news coverage of the hostage situation at City Bank Milwaukee. She had taken a much needed vacation from hunting. It was day two, and she was already bored, but she knew she needed the rest. She had been going non-stop for the last few months.

As the news camera zoomed in on a man leading out a hostage, Lily's mouth fell open. "Dean?" She fumbled with the remote and turned up the volume. "This is bad." She grabbed her phone and sent him a text that read 'call me ASAP.'

She stayed glued to the television as reports came in that the man now in control inside was an FBI fugitive wanted for murder, and various other crimes. Lily cursed at the newscaster, "You should be kissing his ass! Idiots. Like you know anything." She turned the tv off, feeling her blood pressure rising. She knew it would take time for Dean to call her back... if he ever got the chance to. She let out an uneasy breath. He would be fine.

Sleep eventually overtook her. It was morning when her cell phone, gripped tight in her hand, rang loudly, scaring her awake. She quickly glanced at the caller ID and didn't even bother to say 'hello.'

"What the hell happened? Why are you on the news in the middle of a hostage situation?"

"We had a shape shifter, and the situation got a bit out of hand."

"So, that wasn't you on the news?"

"Oh, no... That was me. Listen, I called to make sure you didn't have some kind of emergency, but we're kinda in the middle of fleeing for our lives, so..."

"Are you still in Wisconsin?"

"Not for much longer."

"I'm at our cabin in Indiana. Do you remember where it is?"

Dean thought for a minute. "Yeah... I remember."

"Good. Head here. You guys can lay low for a while. Don't go through Chicago. They'll probably have cops looking for you, just in case. Stay out of the big cities, and don't speed through the small towns. You don't wanna get pulled over."

"You don't have to do this."

"Just shut up and get your ass here."

"Okay," Dean smiled. "We're heading your way."

Sam and Dean took turns driving, only stopping for gas. Sam went in to pay when necessary. By the time they got to Lily's cabin, they were exhausted. Dean had called her when they were close to make sure he was going the right way. It had been two years since he had been there, and the last few turns were a bit fuzzy. Lily was waiting for them outside.

"Good to see you again, Sam."

"Likewise... just wish we weren't running from the law. Thanks for lettin' us hang here."

Sam went to the trunk to grab his bag. Dean, bag already in hand, walked over to Lily with a grin on his face.

"So, you were worried about me, huh?"

"Can you imagine my surprise when I turn on my tv, and there's Dean Winchester for all the world to see?"

"Did I look good?"

"You're an idiot," she said shaking her head as she walked back to the house. Dean followed her.

"But I'm a good-looking idiot, right?"

She shot him a stern look over her shoulder, but he had such a goofy grin on his face that she couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, Dean... You're a good-looking idiot."

Once they were inside, Sam took a good look around.

"Nice place."

"Thanks," Lily said. "My great-grandfather built it."

"And you'll have your own room, Sammy," Dean said.

"Yeah," Lily said, "three extra bedrooms, so, just take your pick."

"Well," Sam said, "that'll be a nice change."

"I made a supply run once I knew you were coming. I wasn't sure if you would be banged up or not, so I got some extra first aid supplies. And I was sure you'd be hungry, so I got a lot of food. Help yourself to anything here."

"I'm starving," Dean said, "but I can barely see straight right now. We've been up all night."

"Okay, then. You two go get some sleep, and I'll whip something up for later."

"Thanks again, Lily," Sam said as he headed toward the stairs.

"Don't mention it."

Dean walked over to Lily with a grin on his face. "Why don't you come up with me?"

"That's not sleeping, is it?"

"Look at you, still pretending to be that innocent little kitten."

"Innocent, no... I just don't want you falling asleep on me."

He let his bag fall to the floor and pulled her into his arms. "Sweetheart, one thing I don't do is fall asleep during sex."

"Good to know. Now, go get some sleep. Then we'll eat... then we'll talk," she said with a wink. Dean gave her a slow, seductive kiss before picking up his bag and heading to a bedroom upstairs.

Dean didn't even get into the bed. He never even bothered to close the door. He took his jacket off, tossing it onto a nearby chair, and practically fell across the bed, falling asleep almost instantly. The smell of food woke him up a few hours later. He made his way into the kitchen where he found Lily washing a few dishes.

"Something smells good," he said. "Did you cook?"

"Yep."

"You didn't have to go through any trouble."

"No trouble. I have to eat too, you know."

"Is it ready?"

"You don't wanna wait for Sam?"

"Sam's a big boy. He can eat whenever he decides to wake up."

Lily motioned for Dean to have a seat at the table in the kitchen. She fixed him a plate and watched as he devoured it.

"Glad to see you're enjoying it."

"Are you kidding? Do you know how often I get a home cooked meal? Never. And this is delicious. Tastes almost as good as you do."

"You're such a perv," she said. A hint of pink rose up into her cheeks, and Dean grinned.

"Speaking of... I'm almost done here. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the master suite in this place is away from the other bedrooms. We could have some fun without disturbing Sam."

Lily didn't respond. She rose from her chair and went over to the stove with a plate. Dean looked a little disappointed, until she put the plate of food in the microwave. She wrote a quick note for Sam and taped it to the microwave door. She turned and grinned at Dean before returning to the dishes in the sink.

When Dean finished his last bite, he went up behind Lily and reached around her to put his plate in the sink. He let his hand glide over her arm as he pulled it back. He pressed his body against hers, pulling her hair aside to kiss her neck. Her hands stopped moving, still holding a plate, covered in suds. With his arms around her, Dean took the plate from Lily and pulled her hands under the running water, rinsing away the detergent as he continued to kiss her neck. When Dean turned off the water, Lily quickly dried her hands and turned to face him. His lips crashed onto hers, and her hands went into his hair. He moved her away from the sink, then lifted her to sit on the counter. She wrapped her legs around him, holding him close as he squeezed her thighs through her jeans.

"What smells so go- WOAH!"

Sam turned and walked back out of the kitchen. No way did he want to see his brother doing that. Lily pulled away and lowered her face to Dean's chest.

"That was embarrassing."

"Could have been worse."

"Really?"

"I was about to take your shirt off," he said with a sly grin.

"You're right. That would have been worse." She hopped off the counter, though Dean didn't make it easy. He stayed pressed against her, so that her body slid down his. "Go tell your brother it's safe to come eat."


	3. Chapter 3

Lily made Sam a plate, and Dean figured he may as well have seconds. Lily joined them at the table with her own plate and they talked about what happened in Milwaukee.

"So," Lily said, "first St. Louis, now Milwaukee."

"I know. I'm screwed. I mean, it was one thing after St. Louis. I killed the shifter while it looked like me, so they thought I was dead. Now they know I'm not. Stupid news cameras."

"And now he's got the FBI on us," Sam added.

"Oh, that guy," Dean said. "I wanted to go through the phone and strangle him. You should have heard the stuff he was saying. About us, about Dad." Dean took another bite of food. The anger was obvious on his face.

Lily understood his frustration. She'd had her own run-ins with the law, though never on a scale this large. Dean was also still dealing with John's death.

"He has no idea what's really going on, Dean."

"I know... he just pissed me off." Dean shoved another bite into his mouth, and stared at Lily. "So, you workin' a job around here, or what?"

"No. I'm on vacation."

"Vacation?" Dean asked sarcastically. "What's that?"

"It's something people do when they've been running ragged, so their heads don't explode."

"Huh... we should try that, Sam."

Sam let out a chuckle as he took another bite of food. Lily smiled at them both.

"What do you think you're doing now? Consider this your vacation, boys."

"Hiding from the cops?" Sam asked.

"In a peaceful cabin in the woods, with a very lovely hostess. Soft beds, warm showers..."

"Warm bodies," Dean muttered.

Sam cleared his throat and shot him an un-approving look. Lily smiled slightly, but continued.

"Think of the place as yours while you're here. Help yourself to anything you want."

Dean laid his fork down on his empty plate, staring at Lily with a different kind of hunger. "I'll take you up on that."

"Dude," Sam said, "there is someone else in the room. Can you control yourself long enough for me to finish eating and hold a decent conversation?"

Lily couldn't help but laugh. "It is getting late. The sun will be setting soon. Since you're finished eating, Dean, why don't you go take a shower?"

"Why don't you come with me?"

"Because I wanna talk to your brother for a while. We didn't get to talk last time we met."

Dean frowned and stood from the table. "Fine." He placed his dishes in the sink and headed upstairs to shower.

"So," Sam said, "you worked with Dean and my dad."

"Sure did. A werewolf. John and my dad had worked together before, so when John showed up with Dean in our area, he decided to let them in on the job. It was pretty hairy for a while too. We knew who it was, so we waited in the guy's house for him to get back, since we didn't know where he went. Dean and I got separated from them in the house. The guy came home, still a little wolfed out, but not enough to kill. He locked us in a secret room in the basement."

"No way."

"John and my dad had no clue where we were. We realized pretty quickly that the room was sound proof."

"How long were you in there?"

"Five days."

Sam didn't hide his surprise. "How did you survive that long?"

"The guy had some supplies in the room. There was some food. Not the best food, but good enough to live off of."

"I can imagine."

"The thing was, he didn't come back. So we figured he either killed our dads and was just waiting for us to die, or they killed him and couldn't find us. Either way, we were in trouble."

"And it was the second, of course. They couldn't find you."

"Right. They eventually hacked the place apart and found the door. We were out soon after that."

"So, that's why you and Dean are so... close."

Lily smiled, staring at the table. "Yeah, I guess. We did a lot of talking in there, thinking we were gonna die." She wondered if she could tell Sam what else they did thinking they were going to die, but decided not to. She stood from the table and headed to the sink, turning on the water. Sam quickly got up.

"Let me get the dishes for you."

"You don't have to."

"Hey, you cooked... let me wash."

She smiled at him. "Thanks, Sam. I'll be out back on the patio if anyone needs me."

Sam nodded and she went outside. The sky was a beautiful pink color as the sun set, the dimming light reflecting off of the clouds. She lay back on a lounger, and smiled at the memory of her and Dean locked in that room.

December 2003:

Dean threw himself against the door, repeatedly, trying to get it to open. Lily sat on the floor in the corner.

"Dean," Lily said, "you'll never get that door open."

"Maybe someone will hear the noise."

"I screamed and banged for three hours while you were unconscious... no one can hear us."

Dean threw himself against the door one last time, getting a good running start.

"Dammit!"

"I looked for another way out, too. We're stuck. Good news is we do have some food down here, and a bathroom. I think this used to be a bomb shelter or something. Lord only knows what it's being used for now."

"If we can't get out it'll be our coffin."

"Don't think I haven't considered that."

They sat in silence for several hours. Dean did a lot of pacing, trying to figure a way out of the situation. He eventually saw Lily's head bobbing as she fought to stay awake. He removed his leather jacket as he walked over to her, folding it and putting it on the ground next to her.

"Here, get some sleep."

"What about you?"

"Not really tired."

Dean sat against the opposite wall as Lily lay down on her side, using Dean's jacket as a pillow. She slowly drifted off to sleep.

They spent the next few days talking. There was nothing else to do. They talked about family, hunting, music, movies... whatever they could think of to pass the time. By day four, Lily was losing hope that anyone would find them. She sat against the wall hugging her knees.

"Come on," Dean said, pacing the room. "Do you really think either of our dads will give up on us?"

"Just because they don't give up doesn't mean they'll find us. What if we're really stuck down here? The food will run out."

"There's a sink with running water. We can live off of that."

"For how long, Dean?"

"Until somebody finds us!" Lily turned her head away and Dean felt bad for raising his voice. She was scared, and he couldn't blame her. He wasn't too happy with the situation either. He sat next her and put his arm around her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell."

"It's okay. It's hard being cooped up like this." She laid her head against his shoulder. "I just keep thinking of all the things I'd never get to see or do again."

"Like?"

"Watching the sunset. Going swimming. Eating a hamburger."

"Oh, I didn't think of that."

Lily laughed a little. She couldn't tell if Dean was playing with her or if he was genuinely upset about never eating a hamburger again.

"Kissing," she said. "I like kissing. Can't do that when you're dead. Can't do it when your locked in a room, either."

"Says who?"

She sat up to look at him. "Are you suggesting that we make out?"

"It'll pass the time."

"Geez, that's romantic."

"Who said anything about romance? You said you like to kiss... I have lips, don't I?"

Her eyes inadvertently glanced at his mouth. He did have lips. Nice, full lips. She leaned in and pressed her lips to his and decided she liked it, pulling his lower lip between her own. She looked up into his eyes to see him staring down at her. His hand quickly found its way to the back of her head, pulling her mouth back to his. A muffled moan escaped her. No one had ever kissed her this way. She had been kissed very well, but Dean was amazing. She grabbed his face, keeping it close, before letting her hands slide down his neck, then his chest and stomach, until one hand was running down his thigh, stopping halfway and moving inward. He groaned and broke the kiss, pulling away, leaving both of them fighting for air.

Lily slowly moved on top of him, pushing his legs together as she straddled his thighs. She rested her hands on his chest as she kissed him again. Dean placed his hands on her hips, holding tight. Lily undid two buttons on her shirt before lifting Dean's hand and placing it on the next button. He didn't need any more encouragement than that. Their shirts were quickly removed. Dean moved away from the wall so Lily could wrap her legs around him, moving their bodies closer together.

"Damn, I wish we had a bed," he whispered.

"Just take me... I don't care where."

Present Day:

Dean stood leaning against the door frame, just staring at Lily watching the sunset. He eventually went over and sat on the side of the lounger next to her.

"Nice view," he said. She just smiled. "What are you thinkin' about?" he asked.

"I was telling Sam about our first hunt together, and it just brought up some memories."

"Oh yeah?" he asked, with a wide grin on his face. "Such as?"

She got out of her lounger, pushing Dean back onto his, kissing him all the way down. He wrapped his arms around her, leaving her no choice but to lie on top of him.

"Don't try to distract me," he said between kisses. "I wanna know what you were thinkin' about."

"You... taking me up against the wall of that room. And me making you promise that, if we got out of there alive, we'd do it again."

"And I kept that promise."

"Yes, you did, Tiger."

Dean cupped Lily's breasts through her clothes. She let her head fall back, exposing her neck. The feel of his lips caressing her skin pulled a moan from her. He pulled her to her feet as he stood, then lifted her off the ground. Her legs wrapped around him immediately as he walked back inside.

"Wait," she whispered. "Sam is in the kitchen. He'll see us going to the bedroom."

"Sam went to take a shower," he grinned. "You're all mine."


	4. Chapter 4

Sam and Dean stayed at Lily's for a few more days, until they got wind of a possible case in Rhode Island.

She didn't hear from Dean again until the following summer. She was in the study at the cabin, with several books spread across the desk, when her cell phone rang. She answered without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kitten."

"Hey, Tiger," she said with a smile. "It's been a while."

"Yeah, it has. You wouldn't happen to be at your cabin, would you?"

"As a matter of fact, I am."

"I'm in Ohio. Headin' your way. You up for some company?"

"You and Sam? Anytime."

"Just me this time, sweetheart."

She could almost see the grin on his face. "How soon can you get here?"

"Give me five hours."

Lily went back to her research while she waited for Dean to arrive. Almost five hours later she heard the rumble of the Impala. She opened the front door just as Dean was coming up the steps of the porch. Before she could say anything, Dean grabbed her, pulling her into a hard kiss. He backed her into the house, shutting the door behind him with his foot.

"Are you alone here?"

"Yes," she answered.

Before she could catch her breath his lips were on hers again. He began moving her toward the bedroom as he removed her shirt. They left a trail of clothes to the bed where he attacked her body with his mouth, his hands roaming and squeezing her flesh. She gasped as he entered her roughly, finally finishing hard and fast, both of their bodies trembling.

Dean rolled onto his back, covering his face with his hands. Lily pulled the sheet up around her, glancing at Dean. She could tell something was off.

"You wanna tell me what's up with you?"

"It's a long story."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Dean filled her in on everything that happened since they last saw each other, the most significant news being Sam's death and Dean's demon deal. Lily sat up, holding the sheet to her.

"Dean... how could you?"

"You know, I already got this from Sam and Bobby. I don't need it from you too."

"One year, Dean?"

"One year. Sam's been going crazy trying to find a way out of it, but I don't think we will."

They were both quiet for a few minutes as Lily took everything in. She finally brought it back to their current position.

"So, what was it that brought you here?"

"The case we were working in Ohio. It turned out to be a couple of demons. I trapped one, and she turned around and trapped me. While I was waiting for Sam to show up and save the day, me and the demon actually had a civilized conversation. We talked about Hell, and the fact that I'll be there soon. I guess it got me thinking. Anyway, I really needed to let loose, but I didn't have it in me to wrangle in a girl tonight." He turned his head to look at Lily. "I needed something familiar."

She leaned over and kissed him. He held her to him with a hand at the back of her head. When she pulled away, she saw a sadness in Dean's eyes. She lay her head on his shoulder, resting her hand on his chest as he ran his hand up and down her arm.

"So," she said, "did you leave Sam in Ohio to come here?"

"No. Bobby showed up to help. Sam went with him back to South Dakota. What about you? You workin' on anything?"

"Dad has me doing some research for him."

"You ever tell him about our little get togethers?"

Lily laughed. "Tell my father that I'm Dean Winchester's friend with benefits? Do you have a death wish?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. "Dean, I didn't..."

"It's okay."

They were silent for a moment.

"I'm gonna help," Lily said, sitting up a bit.

"Help how?"

"I'm gonna help find a way to get you out of the deal."

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"If I break the deal, Sam dies. I'm goin' to Hell, Lily. No one can stop it."

It took a while, but Lily eventually fell asleep in Dean's arms. She woke before dawn to find her clothes in a pile where Dean should be. He was gone.

Lily spent the following months balancing cases with doing research to find something that could help Dean. She called him a couple of times to discuss it, but he would get mad. He said it was bad enough dealing with Sam not accepting it. So, she stopped calling Dean and kept in touch with Sam. There was never any good news.

She was surprised when Dean showed up at her door the following April. He looked exhausted and lost. She hugged him, then they sat on the couch to talk.

"Where's Sam?" she asked.

"I dropped him off at a hotel nearby. We're headin' back to Bobby's. We may have gotten the name of the demon who holds my contract, so we're gonna try to find her."

"What's her name?" Lily asked. Dean just shook his head. "You're not gonna tell me?"

"No. I don't want you goin' after her or doin' something stupid."

"Dean, you have less than three weeks left. Let me help!"

"No. It's not your fight. I don't want you getting hurt."

"I can't believe you! You know, Sam told me that you finally admitted you don't wanna die. He thought it had something to do with some woman... Lisa. He said she made you think about a normal life. Maybe you should go see her so she can talk some sense into you, so you'll accept any help you can get."

"I can't go to Lisa. Sure, she knows what I do, but she'd never understand this. And if I do die, which I probably will, it'll just end up hurting her."

Lily shook her head and moved to stand up, but Dean grabbed her arm, pulling her back down.

"Look, it's like you said, I have less than three weeks. Now that we have a name, Sam will keep me working 'til the very end to get out of it. I came here for one more night. You know how to take my mind off of things," he said with a slight grin. Lily didn't smile back. "I'll understand if you don't want to."

Lily placed her hand on his face, leaning in to kiss him gently. When she pulled back she stared into his eyes.

"How could I say no?"

They went slowly that night, savoring each touch. Lily made sure to do all the things that she knew pleased Dean. She came near tears twice, knowing that Dean would be dying. Worse, that he would be going to Hell.

Dean didn't stay. They got dressed and she walked him to his car.

"Dean, promise me you'll try as hard as you can to get out of this."

"I promise."

He kissed her one last time before getting into the Impala and driving away.

Three weeks later, Lily got a text from Sam. All it said was, "He's gone."


	5. Chapter 5

Six months later, Lily was on her way to Oregon to meet up with her dad on a job. She was crossing through Idaho when she decided to get a motel room for the night. As she walked out of the office, she thought she saw someone familiar walk into a room a few doors down. She quickly glanced around the parking lot and saw the Impala.

"Sam," she whispered to herself.

She had told Sam to keep in touch, but she hadn't heard from him in months. She called him a couple of times after Dean died, but he was distant. When she last spoke to him she told him to call if he ever needed anything. He never did.

She hesitated going to his room, but found herself headed in that direction. She knocked and waited. When Sam opened the door, his surprise was evident. She smiled at him.

"Hey, Sam." She wrapped her arms around his waist and he returned the embrace.

"Hey. What are you doin' here?"

"Passing through. I stopped for the night and saw you. How've you been?"

A figure moved across the room behind Sam, and Lily's breath caught. Her hands flew up to her mouth.

"Oh my God," she whispered.

"Hey, Kitten," Dean said with a slight smile.

Sam stepped aside and Lily ran to Dean, almost knocking him over as she threw her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. She fought to hold back the tears.

"How?" she asked.

"I got pulled out. We're still trying to figure out why, exactly."

She pulled back, wiping a tear from her eye, one arm still wrapped around Dean's shoulder.

"When? How long have you been back?"

"About two months."

"No one bothered to call me?"

"I didn't want you involved. We were clueless when I first got back, and we're still trying to figure some things out."

Sam walked over to them and pulled Lily's room key from her hand.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm gonna take your room."

"Sam, you don't have to do that."

"Look, you're headin' out in the morning. So are we. You two need to talk, and I need sleep."

He smiled at her as he left the room, closing the door behind him. Lily kissed Dean, her hands on his neck. When she pulled away, she lowered her head, and Dean rested his forehead against her.

"I missed you," she said. "You have no idea how much I missed you."

"It was only six months. We've gone longer than that without seeing each other."

"But you weren't dead then, Dean."

"I'm not dead now."

She pulled back and brushed her thumb over his cheek. "I'm looking right at you and I still find it hard to believe."

"You want me to prove it?" The smile on his face gave away his intentions.

"Over and over."

She pulled him into a kiss. He moved her hair back as he kissed down her jaw to her neck, backing her toward the nearest bed. He lifted her shirt over her head, and she helped with his. Her hands immediately went to his jeans, teasing him through the fabric. His hands held her face as he kissed her. She undid his jeans, slipping her hand inside.

Dean's hips bucked slightly as her fingers wrapped around him. He slid his hands down to her hips, pulling her to him. His fingers worked her jeans open and pushed them down before reluctantly removing her hands and lowering her to the bed.

They removed the rest of their clothing, and Dean crawled up the bed, hovering over Lily. He stopped to pay close attention to her breasts, and her hands made their way into his hair.

"Dean..."

He looked up at her and smiled. As he captured her lips again, their bodies joined together, causing her to moan through their kiss. Dean kept his movement steady, pushing Lily closer and closer to the edge, until they both went over.

Dean rolled onto his back, pulling Lily close. He ran his hand through her hair, kissing her deeply as they both came down.

"So," Dean said, "I guess you're bunkin' with me tonight since my brother stole your room."

"No complaints here. Why don't you tell me more about how you got out?"

Dean told her about Castiel, and the angels, and the breaking of the seals. She examined the handprint burned into Dean's arm.

"She's trying to set Lucifer free?"

"Yep. We're in deep this time. That's why I didn't call you. I didn't wanna pull you into all this."

"The whole world is in it, Dean. Most just don't know it."

"And they're safer because of it."

Lily knew not to argue with Dean when he got over-protective. It was one of his more charming flaws. She lay her head against his shoulder.

"Dean... what was Hell like?"

She felt his body stiffen, and he simply said, "No."

"I'm sorry."

She kissed his chest as she climbed over him, straddling his waist. They went one more round before falling asleep.

It was two in the morning when a muffled voice woke Lily. She turned to see Dean twitching in his sleep, pleading softly with someone to stop.

"Dean," she whispered without a response. She lay her hand on his cheek, calling his name louder.

Dean's eyes popped open and he grabbed Lily's wrist. His breathing was rapid.

"It's okay," she whispered. He released his grip on her wrist and relaxed a bit. "Still don't wanna talk about it?" she asked.

"No."

They eventually drifted off again. Lily was awake around six. She left Dean asleep and got back on the road, headed for Oregon.


	6. Chapter 6

It was a new year, and Lily sat with her phone in her hand. She knew he was busy. His plate was full with stopping the seals from being broken, but she had no one else to call. She dialed Dean's number and cleared her throat.

"Hello?"

"Dean..." Her voice cracked despite her efforts to sound okay.

"Lily? What's wrong?"

"Are you anywhere near Indiana?"

"We just finished a job in Fairfax. We're almost to Illinois. What's up?" She hesitated, making Dean worried. "Lily, what's wrong?"

"Dad's dead."

Dean immediately turned the car around. He knew Lily was close to her dad. He had to be there for her.

"I'm on my way, sweetheart. Just hang on."

Dean drove as fast as he could, filling Sam in when he hung up the phone. When they made it to the cabin, the door was unlocked. Dean let himself in with Sam close behind. Lily was sitting on the sofa, hugging her knees. She stood when she saw Dean, running into his arms.

"I'm so sorry, Lily."

"Lily," Sam said, "can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea?"

"Actually, some hot chocolate would be nice. There's some in..."

"Don't worry, I'll find it."

Sam went into the kitchen, but the open layout allowed him to hear. Dean sat Lily down on the sofa.

"How did it happen?"

"A heart attack. The man hunted monsters all his life, and he died of a heart attack."

"Are you sure? Maybe a spirit or something caused it."

She shook her head. "We were here, Dean. We had finally finished the job in Oregon..."

"What was the job?"

"Vampire nest. We cleaned it out."

Dean nodded. "Okay, go on."

"We actually made it back here in time to celebrate Christmas. Dad thought we should take some time off to enjoy the new year... We were just sitting here, Dean. I called an ambulance... He died at the hospital."

"Where is he now?"

"Hospital morgue. That's why I called you. They're releasing his body to me tomorrow. Dad wanted a hunter's funeral... I don't know if I can do it."

"I know the feeling," Sam said from the kitchen. He hadn't been able to burn Dean's body when he died.

"We'll help you," Dean said.

Sam brought the hot chocolate in, and Lily sat holding the warm mug in her hands.

"I just can't believe he's gone. He was all I had."

"You know what I'll always remember about your dad? When they finally found us in that basement room. After they knew we were okay, your dad realizing that we were in there alone for five days... he was just sure I took advantage of you. He wanted to kick my ass."

Lily chuckled. "It took a long time to convince him that you didn't."

Sam seemed surprised. "So, nothing happened between you two in there?"

Dean raised a questioning eyebrow at Lily, and she answered. "Oh no... something happened. But Dean didn't take advantage of anything."

Dean put his hand on Lily's knee. "You want us to pick him up tomorrow?"

"Yes. There's a van out back that you can use."

Dean nodded. He talked to Lily for hours, getting her to share stories about her father. Sam listened, but, as it got late, he eventually excused himself and went to bed. Exhaustion from lack of sleep the night before and all the crying she had done finally caught up with Lily.

"Dean, I'm not looking to hook up, but... could you stay with me tonight? I don't wanna be alone."

Dean pulled Lily into his arms and held her tight. "Come on," he said. "Let's go to sleep."

She lay facing him, completely wrapped in his arms as he hummed.  
The song wasn't familiar, but the sound of his deep voice was soothing, and she was soon asleep.

She awoke a few hours later to find that Dean's grip on her had tightened. He was muttering in his sleep again, and she could see the movement of his eyes beneath his lids. He was having a nightmare.

"Dean, wake up."

She didn't whisper. She said it sternly, but calmly. His eyes popped open, and he loosened his grip as he stared at her.

"Sorry," he said.

"Don't be sorry. You were having a nightmare."

"It's okay. Go back to sleep."

"You're dreaming about Hell, aren't you?"

"Lily..."

"Aren't you?"

"I don't have to dream about it... it's there all the time."

She lowered her eyes for a moment, trying not to show him how sorry she felt for him. He wouldn't like it.

"But you are having nightmares of Hell." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"And you still don't wanna talk about it?"

"Nope."

The next morning, Dean and Sam headed to the hospital with Lily to claim her dad's body. Once they were back at the cabin, they prepared him for a hunter's funeral. Lily watched with tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Dean handed Sam his lighter before moving to stand next to Lily.

"You ready?" he asked.

She hesitantly nodded her head, and Dean looked to Sam. He used the lighter to ignite a makeshift torch, which he then used to set the wooden frame beneath Lily's father ablaze.

Lily looked on quietly, listening to the crackling of the wood, as the flames grew brighter and higher. When the sheets that wrapped her father's body finally ignited, she turned away, unable to fight the tears any longer. Dean grabbed her, stopping her from bolting back into the cabin, and pulled her into his arms. She clutched the front of his shirt in her fists, burying her face in his chest as the tears freely flowed.

Sam stayed to finish up while Dean walked Lily back inside. She walked over to a large mirror in the living area and wiped her hands beneath her eyes. Dean stood behind her and watched her reflection.

"I'm such a mess," she said with a sniffle.

"You're beautiful."

She scoffed, still sniffling, "You're such a liar."

Dean wrapped his arms around her from behind and stared into eyes with the help of the mirror.

"You are always beautiful. And the way you love your dad... that just makes you more beautiful."

The tears came again quickly, and she turned in Dean's arms, once again burying her face in his chest. She wrapped her arms around him and held on as if her life depended on it. At that moment, she felt as if it did.

"Can you stay again tonight?"

"As long as you need."

The next morning, Lily and Dean were arguing as they got out of bed. She'd had to wake him up from another nightmare, and he still wouldn't talk about it.

"I don't wanna fight with you, Lily. I came here to comfort you. Can you please let this go?"

"I just don't understand why you won't talk about it."

"Because it won't help. No amount of talking is going to take away those memories. Nothing can make it better. I swear, you and Sam are like broken records." He started to leave the room, but Lily grabbed his hand.

"Dean, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to push or annoy you... I just want you to know that I'm here, okay?"

He hugged her. "I know. Look, I talked to Sam about it, okay? I told him what happened down there, and the nightmares are still coming. If you really wanna know what happened, you can ask Sam."

Lily shook her head. "I wanna hear it from you. If you never tell me," she added before he could protest, "that's okay. I won't ask anymore."

They went into the kitchen. Sam was already up with the coffee going. He smiled at Lily when he saw her.

"How you holdin' up?"

"Okay, I guess."

She sat at one of the bar stools at the counter while Sam handed her a mug. Dean ran a hand over her back as he sat next to her. Lily asked where they were coming from when she called, so Sam and Dean filled her in on the case at one of their old schools. She stared at Dean, and eventually let out a chuckle.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm just having a hard time picturing you in school. All those rules, and teachers... you must have hated it."

"We were never in the same place long. It wasn't too bad."

As the afternoon wore on, Lily realized she couldn't ask them to stay any longer. They had important things to do. They both tried to tell her they could stay, but she insisted they go.

"What are you gonna do?" Sam asked as they stood in the doorway with their bags.

"I don't know. I don't wanna quit hunting, but I've never done it completely alone. My dad was always a phone call away."

Dean reached into his bag and pulled out a notepad. "Here," he said, writing. "This is Bobby Singer's number. He helps us out a lot. You take some time off, and give him a call when you're ready to get back in. I'll tell him all about you. He's a little gruff, but you'll like him."

"And you can always call us," Sam added.

"Most definitely," Dean said.

Lily hugged Sam and told him goodbye. Dean held out his arms for a hug. Instead, she grabbed his face, pulling him into a kiss. As it deepened, Sam got uncomfortable.

"I'm gonna wait in the car."

Dean dropped his bag on the floor and buried his hands in Lily's hair. When she pulled back he let his forehead rest on hers.

"Thank you for coming."

"Anytime, Kitten."

She smiled. "Do you realize this is the first time, since we first hooked up, that we didn't hook up?"

"Well, you just lost your dad. I'm not an animal, you know? I do have some self control."

"That's good to know," she smiled.

"I may not have any the next time I see you," he said with a smirk.

"Also good to know."

He picked up his bag and gave her one last kiss.

"Call if you need us."

"Okay."

"And don't forget to call Bobby."

"I won't."

She watched him walk to the car before closing the door, feeling very lucky to have Dean Winchester in her life.


	7. Chapter 7

After a couple of weeks of grieving, Lily took Dean's advice and called Bobby Singer. Just like he promised, Dean had told Bobby all about her. He filled her in on what the boys were doing, and told her to call if she needed anything or was looking for work.

Less than a week later she was lying on her sofa when she got a call from Sam.

"Hey, Sam."

"Hey, Lily. I thought you'd wanna know; Dean's in the hospital."

"What happened?" She immediately sat up.

"He had a really nasty demon in a devil's trap, and it got out. Beat him pretty bad."

"Which hospital?"

"Lily, we're in Wyoming."

"I'll fly out! Which hospital?"

"I'll text you."

"I'll be on my way to the airport."

Lily packed a bag and drove to the airport as fast as she could. She booked a ticket to get her to Cheyenne, Wyoming. The entire trip was spent thinking of Dean. Sam said he was still unconscious. She couldn't lose him. Not again. Not now. Not after losing her father.

When she finally made it to Dean's room, she wasn't prepared for what she saw. He looked frail lying in that bed. His face was cut and bruised. She glanced at Sam, who was sitting in a chair at Dean's side.

"Did he wake up at all?"

Sam shook his head, and his eyes went past Lily. She turned to see what he was looking at and saw a man in a trench coat walk past the doorway. Sam stood and headed to the hall.

"Stay here," he told Lily.

She sat in the chair Sam had just vacated. Her fingers lightly brushed over the bruises on Dean's face before her hand settled on his arm.

"You're gonna be fine," she whispered.

Sam was back in the room a moment later, but he looked upset.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

Sam looked at Dean. "Not by a long shot."

"Who was that?"

"That was Castiel."

"The angel?"

"Yeah."

"Well, why doesn't he come and fix Dean?"

"He said he can't."

A nurse opened the door and announced that visiting hours were over and they would have to leave. Lily didn't want to move, but Sam told her they would get a motel room nearby and come back first thing in the morning. Lily stood from the chair and leaned over to whisper in Dean's ear.

"You hang on, Tiger. I'll be back in the morning."

She placed a kiss on his cheek, then let Sam usher her out the door.

Dean was conscious when they got there the next morning. Lily couldn't hide her relief. Dean was surprised to see her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Sam called me and told you were in the hospital... and how bad it was. I took the first flight out."

"You didn't have to come all the way out here." His voice was raspy and weak.

"Yes, I did."

"I guess you wanna know what happened."

"Not right now. I'm just glad you're okay. You can tell me later."

Lily drove back to Bobby's house with Sam and Dean. She insisted that Dean lie across the backseat with his head in her lap.

"Are you gonna play nurse?"

"Damn straight. I'm gonna make sure you get better fast."

"You gonna wear one of those tight, short dresses?" he asked with a grin.

"I'll wear whatever you want, Tiger."

Dean groaned softly and his eyes drifted shut. He rested his eyes for most of the trip, even dozing off once or twice. Lily spent the time caressing his face, running her fingers through his hair, or holding his hand.

At Bobby's, she grabbed their bags while Sam helped Dean in. Dean, of course, said he could make it without help, but Sam insisted. He got Dean to the couch and officially introduced Lily and Bobby. They shook hands and exchanged smiles.

"Sam called and told me you were taggin' along, so I fixed up a spot for ya in a spare room. I use it for storage, so it's a little cluttered..."

"Thanks, it'll be fine."

"Excuse me, nurse," Dean called out, "when do I get my sponge bath?"

"Feeling better, are we?"

"Whatever gets me some attention."

"What kind of attention you lookin' for?" She walked over to the sofa and looked down at him as he gave her a wide, mischievous grin.

"I see." She sat next to him on the edge of the sofa. "I still think you need some recovery time."

"I'm fine."

"Tell you what... you get that strong, sexy voice back, then we'll talk." Dean just smiled. "Alright," Lily said, "you need rest, and I'm ready to hear what happened. Let's get you up to that bed."

She helped him off the sofa and, as they walked toward the stairs, Bobby called after them.

"You mean to tell me you're not gonna argue that you don't need rest?"

"Hey, a beautiful woman offers to share her bed with me... I don't argue."

Once she got Dean into the bed, Lily slid next to him.

"Okay, fill me in."

"I guess to understand what happened yesterday, I'd better tell you about what happened in the pit."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Dean told her everything about his forty years in Hell. How he tortured souls so he wouldn't be tortured any more. Then he told her how Uriel and Castiel came and took him to interrogate Alistair. He told her everything Alistair had told him, including the fact that he was the first seal to break. Lily wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.

"I'm so sorry, Dean."

Neither spoke for a while. Dean let out a long yawn.

"I'm exhausted," he admitted.

"Go to sleep," she whispered.

Dean got comfortable in Lily's arms and let her hold him as he drifted off to sleep. As she lay there, gently running her fingers through his hair, she realized that she was in love with him. There was no doubt in her mind, and she had no idea how to handle it.

They never really got a chance to be alone. Dean was feeling better in a couple days. So, Lily flew back home, keeping her newly discovered feelings to herself.


	8. Chapter 8

Lily got off of the elevator on the twenty-second floor of Sandover Bridge & Iron with a briefcase and an arm full of papers. She smiled and nodded at the few faces she recognized. She had only been there for a week, and she had been so busy that there wasn't much time to get to know her fellow office workers.

She unlocked her office, room 2208B, and went inside. She sat her things on the desk then unlocked the door to the adjoining office, but left it closed. That was her boss' office, Mr. Dean Smith. She made it a habit to be in at least fifteen minutes before him to go through her morning routine and check emails so she would be ready for him when he came in. The life of an assistant. The fact that he wasn't a tyrant made it easier. He worked hard, and expected the same from her, but he was nice and didn't look down on her.

She knocked on the adjoining door at 7:30, knowing he would be there by then.

"Come in."

She opened the door, with several files in her hand. "Good morning, sir."

"Good morning."

"Here are the files for today's meetings, and the reports you asked for. These forms need your signature... and this is the draft of the letter to Mr. Walters. I just need your approval."

Dean took everything as she handed it to him. "What time did you get in this morning?" he asked playfully, his eyebrow raised. She simply smiled at him. "Thank you, Miss Marley."

As she walked back toward her office he called to her.

"I may need you several times today. Please leave the door open."

"Yes, sir."

She returned to her desk, which faced his door. She would be able to see right away if he needed her. He closed the door only twice. Once for a private meeting, and once to eat lunch. The door remained open the rest of the day, and her time was divided between the two offices.

As usual, they worked late. It was almost eight o'clock when Dean said they should call it a night. As he packed up, Dean walked into her office.

"Can you make sure that Mr. Brock gets that first thing in the morning?"

She took the file from his hand. "Which floor?"

"You don't know?"

"No, sir. I haven't learned everyone's names and offices yet, but I can look it up in the office directory."

"How long have you worked here?"

"Last Monday was my first day."

"Mine too. I assumed that they gave me an assistant that had worked here longer." He smiled at her. "Now I'm more impressed with you than I was before."

"Thank you, sir."

"Have a good night, Miss Marley."

"Good night, sir."

Dean left through his office. Lily locked the adjoining door, grabbed her briefcase, and locked her door on the way out.

The rest of the week went much the same way. On Friday, Mr. Adler, Dean's supervisor, came into his office. The adjoining door was open, so Lily could hear.

"Mr. Adler."

"Dean... Good stuff."

"Good stuff?"

"Big things. Good stuff." With that, Adler was gone.

"Good stuff," Dean whispered to himself.

Lily just smiled. Her boss was going places.

It was 6:00 pm when Dean stepped into Lily's office to hand her a stack of signed papers.

"Why don't you head home for the weekend?"

"I'm your assistant, sir... I leave when you leave."

"But I may be here later than usual tonight, and I'm sure you have some kind of plans on a Friday."

"None."

"Really? No hanging out with the girls, or even a date?"

She laughed. "Honestly, I haven't been on a date in years. No time, really. My life kind of revolves around my work."

Dean nodded. "I know the feeling." He let out a sigh. "Okay. Suit yourself." He smiled at her and walked back to his desk.

He wasn't lying about being late. It was a little after 10:30 when they packed up to leave.

"I'm sorry I kept you here so late."

"Not a problem, sir."

"Look, we're gonna be alone a lot, most likely, and I'm actually not to crazy about being called 'sir.' Call me Dean."

He smiled, and she returned it. "Then I insist you call me Lily."

"Fair enough." He grabbed his briefcase from his desk. "Do you need me to walk you to your car?"

"I'll be fine, but thank you."

He held up a piece of paper. "One more thing. I'm coming in tomorrow, and it would really help me out if you could pull these files and have them on my desk for when I come in."

"Not a problem," she said, taking the paper. "What time do you want me here?"

"You don't have to come in."

"With all due respect, sir..."

"Dean," he corrected, with a smile.

"Dean... You'll get things done faster if I'm here."

"Oh, I have no doubt about that." She obviously wasn't going to back down, so he gave in. "Okay. Nine o'clock."

Lily nodded and looked at the paper he had given her.

He started to leave, but turned back. "I have to ask," he said. "Why do you work so hard? Not that I'm not grateful, because you make my job a hell of a lot easier... I just see so many other assistants who come for a paycheck. That's it. None of them work these long hours with their bosses."

"My job is to assist you. I can't do that if I'm not here."

"But it's not like you're scoring points with anyone, except me."

"It's not about scoring points or getting credit. As long as you appreciate what I do, I'm happy. I'm here to make sure you succeed. If you succeed, I succeed."

Dean stared at her for a moment. "Well, you've impressed me again." He smiled and turned to leave.

"Good night, Lily."

"Good night, Dean."

Lily woke up that night from an intense dream. She and Dean were in a tangle of limbs and sheets. It all seemed so real, but he had seemed different. She had seemed different. She could almost still feel his hands on her.

"Well, that's not good," she said to herself. She tried to push the images out of her mind and go back to sleep, but it wasn't working. So, she gave into them, instead, letting them play through her thoughts as she drifted off again.

She fought to keep those images away the next day at work. She was failing. There were things about him that she was noticing now that she hadn't noticed before. Like when he took his jacket off, how nicely his shirt fit his body.

She was more than a little flustered. It was almost five o'clock when he asked for a thick file. She brought it and set it on the corner of his desk. As she turned to walk away, thinking of how attractive he looked concentrating on his computer screen, he said her name, and she jumped. Her hand was still lingering on the file, and it fell, papers flying everywhere.

"I'm so sorry," she said. She immediately stooped down to organize the papers.

Dean lowered himself out of his chair to help her. "Did I scare you?"

"Just startled me a bit. My mind was focused on something."

They both knelt on the floor picking up papers, trying to organize them as they went.

"Here," Dean said, "this graph goes with that report."

"Where's the Landerling report?"

They looked around and laid eyes on it at the same time. They both grabbed it, and Dean's fingers ended up on top of Lily's hand. They both hesitated, but Lily pulled her hand back, leaving Dean with the report.

"Sorry," she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She began sorting through the pile of papers again, but Dean didn't move. She was surprised when he gently, but quickly, lifted her chin and kissed her. Her lips parted, and the kiss deepened. She had finally dropped the papers in her hand when Dean pulled away. He stared at her for just a moment before standing and rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know what got into me."

She moved to stand, and Dean held out a hand to help her up. She stood straight in front of him. "It's okay," she smiled. "Really."

She had meant to turn to the papers they had gotten back on his desk, but she just stood there, staring at his lips, thinking of how much that kiss felt like it did in her dream the night before. He must have realized that she wanted him to kiss her again, because his lips were suddenly back on hers. There was more heat behind it. His hands went to her face, slid down over her shoulders and down her back, pulling her into him. Her hands were on his chest. She slid one of her fingers between the buttons of his shirt to feel his skin.

Without breaking their kiss, Dean shoved the papers back onto the floor, leaving an empty space on the corner of his desk. He pushed Lily toward it and gently lifted her to sit in the empty spot. His hands pushed at her skirt, so she lifted herself enough for him to raise it. She shivered as his hands slowly glided back down her bare thighs, removing her panties. Her fingers undid the buttons on his shirt, finally giving her full access to his skin. Dean undid his belt and removed his pants just enough to free himself. He pulled Lily closer and leaned her back slightly. Her mouth opened as if to scream, but no sound came out. Her head fell back and Dean's mouth went to her neck. She whimpered as she came closer to losing control, her body beginning to tremble. With his final thrust, Dean's lips came down on hers again.

When they separated, Dean pulled Lily's skirt back down a bit before helping her off the desk. She adjusted her skirt, and, as he righted his pants, she buttoned his shirt for him. He smiled at her, and she couldn't help but blush. She had never done anything like that before.

She started to walk away, but Dean grabbed her hand.

"Why don't we get this file cleaned up... again... then go grab dinner?"

"Sounds good," she said with a smile.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean and Lily arrived at the restaurant in separate cars. The valet took his car, and he waited as her car was taken care of, then they walked in together. Not sure if sharing a booth would make her uncomfortable after what happened at the office, Dean requested a small table away from the crowd.

The waiter came and took their orders, and they talked as they waited for their food.

"You know," Dean said, "I feel like I've known you longer than two weeks."

"Honestly, I feel the same way."

"Really?"

"Really. I guess that's why we ended up... well..." she looked down at the table, not able to stop blushing. "I have to let you know, I've never done anything like that before."

"Me either."

"Especially not with someone I work with."

"Do you regret it?"

She looked up, into his eyes. "No."

"I don't either."

They finished dinner with minimal conversation. He walked her out and asked the valet to bring her car around first. He pulled her aside and put his hands in his pockets.

"Listen, this might seem a little forward, but... do you want to come with me to my place?"

She smiled. "Sure."

"Great." He couldn't suppress the grin on his face.

When her car came around, she pulled out and waited on the side of the road so she could follow him.

Dean opened the door and let her enter the apartment first.

"Very nice," she said.

"Thanks. Not that I spend much time here. I'm at the office more than I'm home."

"I've noticed."

He motioned for her to sit and he walked to the kitchen.

"Can I get you something to drink? You can have whatever you like. I'm starting a cleanse next week so I'm getting rid of all of it."

"Whatever you're having is fine."

He came back with two glasses and handed one to Lily.

"You mentioned a cleanse?"

"Yeah, it's like a detox. Gets rid of all the bad stuff and helps you lose a few pounds." Lily let out a chuckle. "What's so funny?" Dean asked.

"Nothing, really. Just... from where I was sitting, everything looked great."

He smiled and she looked down into her glass before taking a sip.

"Same here," Dean said.

When she turned her head to look at him, he leaned in to kiss her. It was a short kiss, just to make sure she was in the same place. He found her staring at his lips, just as she had done at the office, so he took that as a green light. He took the glass from her hand and set it on the table with his own. She leaned in to kiss him, but he put his hands on her shoulders, gently holding her back.

"Back at the office... I just felt like I had to have you. Right there. And we kind of rushed it." Lily nodded, staring into his eyes. "This time," he said, "I wanna go slow." He let his lips linger next to her, just barely touching. "Think you can handle it?"

"I'll do my best," she whispered.

He lightly kissed her bottom lip before moving down along her jaw to her neck. When she felt his tongue on her skin, her eyes fluttered closed. She gently raked her fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck as he continued to kiss lower, to the top of her shirt. He slowly undid each button, stopping to kiss the skin each one exposed beneath. He laid her back on the sofa, making sure he was able to kiss even after the lower buttons. Once her shirt fell open, he found the zipper on her skirt and slowly lowered it, letting his fingers graze over her skin. Lily kicked off her slip-on heels as Dean half stood, leaving one knee on the sofa, to pull off her skirt.

He moved to lie on top of her, but Lily pushed him back into a sitting position and straddled his lap. She kissed him deeply to show him that she was still going slow, then repeated his unbutton-and-kiss routine with his shirt. She removed his belt and moved from his lap to help him remove his pants.

Dean stood and pulled Lily to him, into a kiss. With his hands on her hips, he slowly backed her toward the bedroom. Along the way, they shed their shirts, and Dean removed Lily's bra, replacing it with his hands. They stopped for Dean to pull Lily's panties to the floor, and she stepped out of them. He let his hands glide up her legs as he stood, then lowered her to the bed before removing his boxers and climbing over her.

Their hands and lips were everywhere. Lily repeatedly lifted her leg to Dean's side, trying to pull him closer, before wrapping both of her legs around him. At one point his fingers dug into her thighs, almost using them keep himself steady.

Afterward, Dean lay on his back with Lily at his side, his arm around her. They kissed for a long time, neither of them saying a word. Lily felt comfortable there in his arms. She couldn't quite explain it. They eventually fell asleep and she dreamed again of her and Dean, together, but in a place she had never been.

Sunday morning she woke and gently climbed out of bed. She collected her clothes and dressed before waking Dean.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"It's a little after six. I have to get home. I'll see you tomorrow morning." She kissed him and let herself out.

Monday morning she was waiting for him by the elevator with news she knew he would want to hear right away. He looked flustered when he stepped off, and she noticed a man in a tech support shirt giving him a strange look.

Dean looked a bit surprised to see her at the elevator. As they walked to his office, she gave him the news of a deal that went through, putting a huge smile on his face, but the smile quickly faded at her next question.

"Did something happen on the elevator?"

"That's the second time that guy has gotten me alone in an elevator and creeped me out. Asking me if I believe in ghosts, or if I've ever had weird dreams."

"Dreams?" That sort of intrigued her. After all, she had been having some weird dreams herself.

"Yeah, dreams. Apparently, he's been having them."

The rest of the day went smoothly. Both were an example of professionalism. No one would know they had slept together. Let alone that they had done it right there in the office. Lily was at her desk, packing up for the night, when Dean walked up behind her.

"You coming over tonight?"

"Very tempting, but if you want me alert and focused on the job, I need sleep."

"Good point. I'll get back to you on Friday."

"Sounds good."

The next morning there were emergency vehicles at the building when she arrived. She found out from security that one of the guys in tech support killed himself late the night before. When Dean arrived she filled him in and they went to see what happened. Once the body was removed, everyone went back to work.

Later that day, she heard him call someone to come to his office. The adjoining door remained open, so she heard the entire exchange. All Dean asked was for the man, Ian, to refile a form that had some errors. Ian completely flipped and ran out of the office. When Lily saw Dean run after him, she followed. She stopped short of following them into the men's room, choosing to wait outside. When she heard Dean call for help she ran in. Ian was on the floor, blood all over.

"Oh my God," she said.

"Call 911!"

She pulled out her cell phone and made the call. When the police arrived they questioned both her and Dean. Lily thought that Dean seemed pretty shaken up, but he had just watched as someone plunged a pencil into their own neck. She would feel the same way.

When they were finally allowed to go back to their offices, Dean started hunting for something in the drawers. He was very flustered.

"Lily?" he called, still searching.

"Yes?"

"Get me that big guy on the phone."

"Who?"

"The big, creepy guy from tech support!"

"From the elevator?"

"Yes, him. Get me his extension."

"It will take me a minute. I don't know his name."

Lily went into her office and dialed the extension of an executive assistant who had been really kind to her over the last few weeks.

"Hi, Doris. Do you know the really tall guy in tech support?... Awesome! What's his extension?... Thanks, Doris!"

Lily walked back into Dean's office and gave him the number. He punched the numbers into his phone.

"I need to see you in my office. Now." He hung up and went back to Lily. "I want to talk to this guy alone, so if you could close the door..."

"Is everything okay?" She had never seen him like this, and it worried her a little.

"Everything's fine." He went back to rummaging through the draws.

"Do you need help finding something?"

"I'm looking for my extra shirts. I keep some in case I spill something, and..." He held out his arms. Indicating the blood on his shirt.

Lily nodded and headed to a drawer, pulling out a fresh, clean shirt. He seemed to calm a bit as she held it out to him, smiling.

"What would I do without you?"

"Right now, you'd still be looking for your shirt."

He removed the blood-stained shirt as she unfolded the clean one. She held it as he put his arms in, then slowly smoothed her hands over his shoulders and back.

"I'll be in my office if you need me."

It was some time later when he came back and the entered her office. She was sitting at her computer, returning emails.

"Why don't you head home for the day. I'll be leaving in a few minutes myself. It's been nuts today."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

She still thought he seemed a little off, but she gave in. It took her a few minutes to pack up and head out. As she passed Dean's office she saw the guy from tech support, Sam Wesson, through the narrow window next to the door.

Dean was quiet the next day. All work. No idle chat at all, and he kept their adjoining door closed. She was working on a report when, suddenly, she had no idea where she was, or how she got there. As she looked around, it slowly came back to her. She worked here?

"What the hell..."

To her left she saw a door with a narrow window that led to a hallway. There was another door in front of her. She walked to it and carefully opened it. Once she was in enough, she saw a familiar face.

"Dean?"

"Lily?"

Lily was slowly remembering everything that happened, but she didn't understand it. Dean was relieved when he saw her, and he took her into his arms.

"I wasn't sure what he'd done with you. I was about to try calling your cell."

"What who had done with me? What's going on?"

"You know what, let's get out of here first. I'm starving, and I don't think we should stay now that we're out of whatever that was. And we have to find Sam."

"Sam... He was here too."

"Yeah, come on."

"They met up with Sam in the lobby, looking very confused."

Dean slapped him on his back. "I'll explain on the way. Let's go."

In the parking garage, Dean walked as if he knew where he was going. Sam was still processing.

"How do you plan to go anywhere?"

"My car... Or Dean Smith's car... is parked over here.

When they got to the parking spot, his face lit up. Dean Smith's Prius was gone, and his Impala sat there, bright and shiny. "At least he gave me back my Baby."

"Who did?" Sam and Lily both asked.

"Get in and I'll explain as best I can."

Lily climbed in back while Sam rode shotgun. Dean explained to them that the angel, Zachariah, dropped them in the middle of a haunting with fake memories to prove to Dean that hunting is what he was meant to do.

"It was all some kind of lesson."

"Okay," Sam said, "I get why you were there, and even me since we hunt together all the time, but what does Lily have to do with any of this?"

"I asked him that. He said that she's become a larger part of my life over the last few years and they wanted to be sure she wouldn't be a distraction."

"A distraction?" Lily asked. "How am I a distraction?"

"I don't know, but it doesn't matter, because this little test of theirs apparently proved that you're not."

"A distraction from what?" Sam asked.

"From 'everything I'm destined to do,' whatever the hell that means."

"So, we were really hunting that ghost?"

"Yep."

"Wait a minute," Lily said. "You guys were hunting, and you left me sitting at a desk?"

"We had no clue what we were doing," Dean said. "You wouldn't have either."

"Still... That's wrong."

Dean wanted to drive Lily back home since they were in Ohio, but she refused. She wanted to stick with them for a while, but she did need clothes, and her weapons, and a bunch of other things, so they headed to Indiana to make a quick stop at the cabin.

Dean and Sam followed Lily inside.

"I'll just be a minute," she said.

"Lily," Dean said, "it's already dark out. We're not gonna drive straight through to Bobby's, and I don't wanna get on the road just to stop at a motel in a few hours when we've got this nice comfy cabin. And we're already here."

"Okay, but if we stay here tonight, you'd better not try to leave without me once you're rested."

"I promise."

"Great," Sam said. "I'll go get our bags from the trunk."


	10. Chapter 10

Lily packed her bag and left it by the door. Sam and Dean were sitting on the sofa drinking a beer, watching a little television.

"Okay, guys, I'm gonna go relax in the bath for a while. Help yourself to any food, but watch the expiration dates. If we've really been gone for three weeks, there may be some iffy things in the fridge."

"Good point," Dean said.

Lily grabbed a pair of pajamas and headed to the master bathroom. She normally only wore a t-shirt, but with Sam in the house, she didn't think it would be appropriate. Dean, of course, wasn't a concern.

She filled the tub with water as she clipped her hair up and removed her clothes. She couldn't wait to get the skirt off. She hated skirts. They just weren't prudent in her line of work. As she pulled down the zipper, she had a flash of Dean doing the same. But that was Dean Smith, and she had been Lily Marley. It was odd. She had lived as another person for three weeks, and now it seemed like a dream she'd had. It was then she realized that the dreams she had of her and Dean while she was Lily Marley were actually her real life memories.

"No wonder they felt so real," she whispered to herself.

Once the tub was full she turned on the jets. Her father had the new tub installed two years before. He was coming home battered and bruised more often, and Lily thought the water jets might help his aching muscles. He loved it.

She slipped into the warm water and put a thick, folded towel behind her head. Her eyes closed, and she felt herself beginning to relax. As her mind cleared, the memory of Dean taking her on the desk came back to her. She had been so nervous, but it felt so right to be with him.

She was pulled from those memories by the sound of Dean's voice.

"Do you always leave the door unlocked when you bathe with two men in the house?"

She opened her eyes to see him leaning against the edge of the wall at the foot of the tub. "I'm not used to having two men in the house."

"Hmmm... See, I think you were hoping I'd come in here." He walked over and sat on the edge of the tub.

"Think so?"

"Yeah, I do." His eyes scanned the churning water in the tub. "These bubbles are really obstructing the view." He leaned over and kissed her passionately. "I want you tonight."

"Then you'd better go shower now so we'll both be ready."

"Why can't I join you?" he asked with a smirk.

"Because we won't make it out of the tub."

"And that's bad?"

"Not very comfy."

He kissed her neck, "I could make it comfy." His hand sank into the water. He found her thigh and slowly made his way up the inside. His eyes never left hers as she closed them and arched her back. After a moment, he let his hand continue up her stomach and chest to her cheek. He kissed her again, then pulled away slowly.

"That was a preview," he said. "I'll meet you in the bedroom."

She stared after Dean as he walked out. She knew he wouldn't be long in the shower, so she finished quickly, turned off the jets and let the water out of the tub before dressing. She cleaned up the bathroom and walked back into the bedroom. As soon as she was through the door, a hand grabbed her wrist and she was backed up against the wall. Dean's lips were on hers immediately. His hands pinned hers against the wall on either side of her head, his body pressed against hers.

He pulled back, his face just inches away. She could feel his breath as he stared into her eyes.

"You are so beautiful, sweetheart."

His lips went to her neck, and she tilted her head to give him better access. He still had her hands pinned, and it was driving her crazy.

"Dean... let go of my hands."

"Nuh uh."

"I wanna touch you."

He pushed his body more firmly against her. "You are touching me."

"That's not what I mean. I want my hands on you."

He ignored her, continuing his assault on her neck.

"Dean, please..."

She felt him smile against her skin. When he pulled back she saw a playful look in his eyes.

"Please, what?"

She couldn't help but grin. "You jerk. You wanna hear me beg, don't you?"

"I wanna know you want me. I already told you I want you."

"And I didn't make you beg!"

"No, you made me wait. Payback's a bitch."

She tried to pull her wrists from his grip, but he was too strong. She realized then just how easily he could have taken complete control of her all the times they had been together.

"Dean, baby, you know I want you."

"No, I think you're just saying that so I'll let you go."

Lily whimpered and Dean let out a chuckle.

"I want you so bad, I don't care where I touch you. You can put my hands wherever you want them, as long as they're on your body."

"That sounds interesting. Where do you want my hands in the middle of all this?"

"Where it was in the tub," she whispered.

He let her wrists go, and she immediately began pulling his shirt off. He helped, then one arm grabbed her around the waist as he inched a hand into the front of her pants. She kissed his chest and neck as he worked his hand, and she began to feel like she couldn't breathe. Just when she started to feel like she was about to break, he stopped.

Her body twitched a little, and she whimpered. He removed her clothes, then his, and scooped her up to carry her to the bed. He lay on top of her.

"You want me?"

"Yes, please..."

Dean slowly filled her and brought her to her peak. He looked down at her with a satisfied grin as they both fought to catch their breath. He rolled onto his side, propping his head up on his hand.

"Dean..."

"Yeah?"

"How did it feel being Dean Smith?"

"To be honest, it felt pretty natural until I saw the ghost. Then I felt like something was missing."

"Same for me. It felt normal until I was snapped out of it. The only thing that felt odd were the dreams."

"What dreams?"

"The night before we, uh..."

"The desk?" Dean had a huge grin on his face.

"Yes. The night before, I had a dream of us together."

"Really?"

"It felt weird, like I wasn't myself. And it's because I wasn't. I realized after we got back that it wasn't a fantasy of Lily Marley being with Dean Smith. It was a memory... Of me and you. It was leaking through."

"That's so weird. You had memories. Sam had memories of us hunting... I didn't have any."

"Nothing?"

"Nope."

"Well, then, what made you take me that way? It didn't seem like something Dean Smith would do."

"It wasn't. I thought you were hot the whole time, but I was all about work. It was after you gave me that speech about being my assistant... there was something about knowing that someone was there for me, just to be there for me. Not wanting anything in return accept my appreciation. It struck a chord. Still does. I don't know how much of that Lily was like you, but that part was."

"I'm not your assistant, Dean."

"No, but how many times have I come here to get away from someone or something? You're there for me. You take care of me. I don't get that from anyone else."

She wanted to tell him it was because she was in love with him, but she couldn't. She knew he didn't feel that way about her, and she didn't want to ruin what they had. She would take him however she could get him, even if it meant not having him completely.


	11. Chapter 11

Lily woke up on her back. She smiled when she turned to see Dean's sleeping face right next to hers. He was on his side, an arm draped over her, and his leg over hers. She rarely got to wake up in his arms with the opportunity to stay there. She always had somewhere she was heading, so she left before he woke up. Or, he would leave while she still slept. It never bothered her. That was just the way they were. But she would cherish these rare occasions.

She managed to snuggle into him even more, resting her forehead against his, and closed her eyes. She lay still for several minutes, then smiled when she felt him hold her tighter with the arm he had draped over her. The words almost came out then. Those three words that would completely change, and possibly end, the relationship they had. She wanted so badly to say it, but she wouldn't.

At some point, she drifted back to sleep. When she woke up again, Dean wasn't there. She got dressed and went to the kitchen to find Sam and Dean already drinking coffee.

"Good morning," she said.

"Mornin'," Sam and Dean said together.

"Got a call from Bobby this morning," Sam said. "He has a possible haunting a few hours away. Asked if we would investigate."

"Sounds good to me," Lily said. "When do we leave?"

"After breakfast," Dean said. "What are we having?"

Lily gave him a look that told him she wasn't amused.

"You're kidding, right?"

"What? We've got to eat, and you're a great cook."

"I just woke up. We're having whatever they're serving at the IHOP in town."

Most of the trip was quiet. It wasn't until Dean said he would be stopping for gas soon that Lily spoke up.

"Sam, did Bobby say anything about you two being unreachable for three weeks? I mean, he called you this morning for the first time?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. He didn't mention anything. Maybe he never called."

A few minutes later they pulled into a gas station. Dean and Sam both got out. Sam went in to pay and get a few snacks, while Dean got the tank open. Lily got out and leaned against the car in front of Dean.

"I noticed I didn't have to wake you up from a nightmare last night. Those getting better?"

"They are. I don't have them every night now."

"That's good. No dreams at all last night?"

"I didn't say that," Dean said with a grin.

"Do I even want to know?" she asked, laughing. He playfully raised his eyebrows, and her curiosity got the better of her. "Okay, what did you dream about."

"You."

"Really?"

"Well, the office assistant you, anyway."

Lily tried to hide the disappointment on her face.

"I'm tellin' you," Dean said, "that skirt did things to me. Why don't you wear skirts?"

"Because they don't work well for hunting, and I'm more comfortable in a pair of jeans."

Lily saw Sam heading back to the car, and decided she should visit the restroom before they got back on the road. When she got back, Dean was returning the nozzle to the pump.

"Alright," he said, "let's go."

They were almost to their destination when they stared talking about the case details. There was a building in town, with a few units rented by businesses, that had some strange reports. No solid leads, but it wouldn't hurt to check out. Dean thought it would be a good idea to get a motel room so Lily could do some research while he and Sam did some preliminary investigating.

"Why do I have to stay behind?"

"Because you're good at the research, and Sam and I are gonna go in as FBI. You have a badge?"

"No." She sat back in the seat with her arms folded, almost pouting.

"Okay, then. Motel for you."

They dropped her off and she used Sam's laptop to check out the local history. She was sitting on one of the beds when they came back less than an hour later, carrying several books.

"What's all that?" Lily asked.

"Our lives," Dean said. He dropped the pile of books he was carrying onto the end of her bed.

"What?"

"Some guy is writing books about our lives."

Lily looked to Sam, confusion all over her face. He handed her a book and she read the title.

"Supernatural?"

"Read the back," Sam said.

Lily read quietly, then her eyes darted to Sam. "Woman in white? This was the first case you and Dean worked when he went and got you from Stanford, right?"

"Right. And they keep going." He started tossing books onto the bed one by one. "The wendigo, the little boy in the lake, the demon that caused plane crashes. They're all here." He dropped the rest of the books into the pile that Dean had started.

"Unbelievable."

Dean grabbed one of the books and lay across the other bed to read.

"I wanna see just how accurate these things are."

Lily leaned over and sifted through the pile, reading the backs of some of them. She picked up one titled "No Rest for the Wicked" and read the back cover. Dean's last hours before going Hell. She glanced at Dean, wondering if she should read it. She never did find out exactly how it happened. Did she want to know? She opened the book to the last chapter and began reading. When she was done, a tear slipped down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away before Sam or Dean saw it. She choked back a sob, and cleared her throat as she stood and walked to the door.

"I'm gonna go grab a soda. You guys want one?"

"No, thanks," Dean said.

"I'm good," Sam said.

Lily walked outside and let out a shaky breath. Part of her wished she hadn't read it. Now she knew the horror of what he went through, in detail. She wouldn't know it any better if she had been there herself. The image of Dean being ripped apart by hell hounds wouldn't go away.

She put the money in the soda machine and made her selection, but she left the drink sitting there after it fell. It took everything in her not to cry, and she kept repeating in her head that Dean was alive.

Sam walked out of the room and headed to the car. Dean followed him out, but walked over to Lily, who reached down to grab her soda when she saw them.

"We're gonna go check out the publisher. It's a few hours away."

"I'll stay and finish with the ghost."

"Is it a ghost?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"You'll be okay by yourself here for a day or two?"

"I'll be fine... go."

Dean started to turn away, but he noticed the redness of her eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

He had her a doubtful look. "Which book were you reading?"

She hesitated, but answered. "No Rest for the Wicked."

"Dammit Lily."

"I had to know, Dean. I'm sorry."

He pulled her into a hug. "Maybe you should come with us."

"No," she said pulling away. "Bobby asked you to look into this, so I'll stay. Just keep in touch. Okay?"

Dean nodded and headed to the Impala. Lily watched as they drove away, then she went back inside.


	12. Chapter 12

The ghost turned out to be a pretty simple case. The original owner of the building had been murdered in one of the units ten years before, and his spirit was hanging around causing trouble. She found out where he was buried and planned on going there once it was dark. She was hoping that the guys would be back by then to help with the digging.  
Those hopes were dashed when she got a call from Dean.

"We're not gonna make it back tonight. This town has one road to the highway. It has a bridge, and the bridge is out."

"Nice."

"Cop said it should be open in the morning, but we really wanted out of here tonight."

"Why? What's up?"

"This guy Chuck, who wrote the books, we still don't know how he's doing it. He has some kind of dreams or visions or something. Today, he got one of Lilith coming for Sam."

Lily heard a voice in the background. She could tell it was Sam, but she couldn't make out what he was saying.

"Because it's suicide, that's why!" Dean yelled.

"Dean," Lily said, "calm down."

"No, Rambo wants to stay and face Lilith!"

"Well, it looks like you'll be doing that anyway if you can't leave town."

"I don't wanna discuss it. We're gonna figure this out. How's the ghost thing goin'?"

"Planning on a salt and burn tonight. I was hoping to have you guys to help, but..."

"Sorry. Can you handle it on your own?"

"Dean, I've done this alone before. It just would have gone faster with two extra pairs of hands. You two getting a room tonight?"

"We'll have to. We're gonna grab some food first."

"Of course. You two be careful."

"I will. Can't say the same for my idiot brother."

She heard Sam mumble again. Dean's response was, "Yeah, whatever."

"See you tomorrow?" Lily asked.

"See you tomorrow."

Lily had some time to kill, so she went through the books again. She picked up one of them.

"Part two?" She asked herself quietly. She rummaged through the pile to find the other one. "All Hell Breaks Loose." Dean had told her about this, but she decided to read it. She skimmed through to the end and found Sam fighting Jake, one of the other kids with sudden abilities. As soon as she finished it she picked up Part Two, holding back the tears. She read through until a woman named Ellen arrived at Bobby's. Sam and Dean had never mentioned her, but Lily thought she would like Ellen. She wondered if Ellen was still alive.

Lily read the back covers on more of the books. The back of one called "The Kids are Alright" had a name on it that she thought she recognized: Lisa Braeden.

"Why does that name sound familiar?" she asked herself aloud. She thought about it for a minute, then it hit her, and her heart sank. This was the woman Sam told her about. The woman that she told Dean he should talk to before he went to Hell. She stared at the book as she turned it over in her hands. She hesitated as she opened it and began skimming through the pages.

She felt a slight tinge of jealousy as she read Dean telling Sam about Lisa. She always knew he hooked up with other women, but to read it this way... that was different.

Lily smiled at Lisa's neighbor. "The Dean. 'Best-night-of-my-life' Dean."

"Well," Lily said, "that's accurate."

She skimmed through the entire book, focusing on the parts with Lisa and Ben. Now she understood what Sam meant when he told her that Lisa got Dean thinking about a normal life.

Lily glanced at the clock. It was almost 10:30. She had planned on getting some sleep before going digging, but that was no longer an option. She had to get this done. She packed and was headed to the door when she realized she didn't have a car.

"Great."

It wasn't as if she could call a cab to bring her there. That would be traceable if anyone looked into the grave desecration. She could ride the bus there, but she would be filthy when she was done. She would be noticeable taking the bus back.

"Looks like I'm hot-wiring a car."

It was one of the many things Dean taught her. This little talent he showed off soon after they first met. She always assumed that he thought it would impress her in some way. It did, a little, but she always felt bad for the owner of the car. She only did it herself once, in an emergency.

She found a car that looked like it didn't have an alarm system and popped the lock. No sirens. The car was soon running and she headed for the cemetery. It took her several hours to dig the hole by herself, but she finally reached the coffin. She busted the lid open, poured on the salt and gasoline, and climbed out of the grave. She lit a book of matches and tossed them in, watching the body go up in flames. She packed up her stuff and headed back toward the car. Through the trees, in the distance, she saw flashing lights. As she got closer she saw that it was the cops, and they were hovering around the car she had stolen.

"Awesome."

She quickly, but quietly, backtracked through the trees, heading for the highway. She would have to walk back. It would take her at least twenty minutes.

"I should have brought my own car."

When she finally made it back to the motel, she wanted nothing more than to sleep, but she was so dirty that she knew she couldn't wait until she woke up for a shower. Even feeling so exhausted, the shower was great. It gave her just enough energy to put on her pajamas and climb into bed.

Lily heard Dean's voice calling her name. It slowly pulled her out of her sleep. Her eyelids felt extremely heavy as she tried to open them.

"There she is," Dean said.

As her vision focused, she saw Dean sitting next to her on the edge of the bed.

"We wanna get out of here, so I need you to wake up and pack. You can sleep in the car."

She reluctantly got up and they all packed, which didn't take long. As they climbed into the car, Dean asked if she handled the ghost. She nodded and lay down across the backseat.

When she woke up again they were driving through the town that led to her cabin.

"What are we doing back here?"

"We need a place to lie low for a day or two. Your cabin is the closest."

"That's cool. I wanna get my car, anyway. I had to hot-wire one last night to get to the cemetery. Then the cops found it, so I had to walk back to the motel."

Dean smiled at her in the rear view mirror. Sam turned around in his seat with a surprised look on his face.

"You hot-wired a car?"

"Yeah. Dean taught me."

"Of course he did."

They made a quick stop in town so Lily could pick up a few things, and were soon at the cabin. She fixed a quick lunch for them and Dean filled her in on everything that happened.

"Castiel says the author, Chuck, is a prophet."

"So he sees everything before it happens... not after?"

"Right."

"How soon before?"

"Not long. We only had a few hours heads-up on Lilith."

"Still," Lily said, "it's kind of helpful." You should have him on speed dial."

"The guy's not exactly stable."

"And you are?"

"More than he is."

Sam played around on his laptop, and Lily and Dean watched television. They had each had a shower and were just trying relax. After dinner, another meal provided by Lily, Sam offered to clean up. Lily and Dean went out onto the back patio. Lily stood with her arms folded, looking out over the landscape. Dean walked next to her and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"When we leave," Dean said, "I want you to stay here."

Her head quickly turned in his direction. "Why?"

"It's the apocalypse. Lilith is out for our heads. Sam's been acting weird, buddying up to that bitch, Ruby... I don't want you involved."

"I'm already involved, Dean. That angel already dragged me into his little alternate reality lesson."

"Exactly. The angels already know who you are. I don't think the demons do... yet. If you keep hanging around with us, they will, and they'll find a way to use you. Or they'll just kill you."

Her face fell as the realization hit her. "That's why we're really here isn't it? You didn't come here to lay low. You came to bring me home."

Dean just stared at her, and it was all the confirmation she needed.

"You do realize that I'm a hunter, right? I'm not some damsel in distress! I can take care of myself!"

"I know you can, but this is way bigger than anything you've ever dealt with. We're talkin' Lucifer, Lily!"

"Isn't that a good reason to have more help?"

"It's a good reason to keep away from distractions."

All the fight went out of her at those words. Her eyes dimmed, the spark gone.

"So, I'm just a distraction? A way to kill time? Sort of like a hobby that you're too busy for right now?"

"What?" Dean was genuinely confused. "I mean that keeping you safe would be a distraction. What the hell are you talking about?"

"Nothing. I'm goin' to bed."

"It's still early."

"I really just don't want to be around you right now."

She started to walk back inside. Dean stared after her, his mouth slightly agape. He still didn't understand what was upsetting her so much.

"Well, maybe we should just leave now."

"Maybe you should," she said over her shoulder.

Lily went to her bedroom and closed the door. She climbed in bed and listened to the sound of the guys picking up. She heard the front door close, then the Impala drive off. She spent most of the night replaying the scene in her head. How could it have gone differently? Would it have made a difference if she admitted how she felt? Probably not. That would have made him push her away more, even if only for her own protection. The fact that Dean went away with her angry at him made it worse. The tears began to build, and eventually she cried herself to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Lily waited for Dean to come to his senses and call her, but he didn't. She finally tried to call him, but he wouldn't answer. Neither would Sam. She got Bobby to talk to her, but he wouldn't tell her anything about the guys or the apocalypse.

"Come on, Bobby! I can't believe you guys are cutting me out like this!"

"I'm not cuttin' you out. I'll talk to you anytime you want, but not about Dean."

"Why not?"

"Because he asked me not to. He doesn't want you knowin' what he's doin' or where he is. He thinks you'll try to help or follow him. Now, if you're lookin' for work, I can help you, but don't ask me to break a promise."

Lily sighed. "I don't know, Bobby. I'm still a little iffy on the idea of being a one-hundred-percent solo hunter."

"I know a woman, she'd probably be glad to help you out. She hunts with her daughter. Want me to call her?"

"Another family duo?"

"You'll like Ellen."

Ellen. Lily wondered if it was the Ellen from the book.

"Okay. Let me know."

Over the next five months, Lily travelled across the country with Ellen and her daughter, Jo. She went off on a solo job every so often, but she would meet up with them later. She had just finished working a case alone and was headed to a town in Colorado to meet them when Ellen called. There was a change of plans. Ellen's friend, Rufus, called from River Pass for help. He was in the middle of a town full of demons. Ellen and Jo were on their way there, and she wanted Lily to meet them.

They went into River Pass together, fully armed. The town was quiet as they walked down the main street, but there was an overturned car in the road. And blood. After walking a few blocks, they met a group of the local townspeople.

"We're trying to get to the church," one of the men said. "Demons shouldn't be able to go in there, right?"

"It depends on the demon," Ellen said, "but we can make it harder for them."

They carefully made their way to the church. They broke into three smaller groups. Ellen, Jo, and Lily each stayed with a group. They peeled off and headed toward the church separately. Ellen and Lily made it inside, but Jo's group never got there. Lily tried to keep Ellen calm for the sake of the other people, but she knew Ellen was a wreck inside. She had witnessed several fights between Ellen and Jo about hunting. They weren't pretty, and it always stemmed from Ellen being worried about her daughter.

Inside, they found another small group of people, along with the pastor of the church. Ellen and Lily explained about devil's traps and salt lines and got them laid out as quickly as possible, but the natives were restless. They wanted to get out of town. Ellen thought it was a good idea. She pulled Lily aside.

"You get these people out. I'ma go look for Jo."

"No, you help me get these people out and we'll come back and look for Jo together."

Ellen shook her head, but Lily set a stern look on her face. Ellen knew she wasn't backing down. Lily wouldn't go without her.

"Fine." Ellen turned to the crowd. "We're gonna make a run for it. Leave whatever you can."

They had barely made any ground when they were ambushed. Lily and Ellen didn't have enough firepower to hold them off.

"Back to the church!" Ellen yelled.

Only about half the people who left made it back. Ellen spent the next thirty minutes pacing back and forth. She finally shoved her gun into her pants and heads for the door. Lily ran after her.

"Where are you going?"

"To look for my daughter."

"Then I'll come with you."

"No... You have to stay here and help these people. I'll be back." Lily shook her head, and Ellen put a hand on her shoulder. "I promise."

"You'd better."

Lily watched Ellen leave. She had come to think of the older woman as a mother. The closest thing to a mother she had ever known, since her own mother had died in childbirth. Ellen had treated her like family from day one, and that was something Lily had really needed.

Lily sat, thinking things over, until the waiting finally got to her. She decided to do something useful, so she began moving around the furniture, strategically arranging it in case they were overrun. She was in the back of the room when there was a knock at the door, and she heard Ellen's voice. One of the men, Austin, opened the door. Lily was hoping to see Jo walk in behind Ellen, and was shocked to see Dean and Sam instead. She sat down, not sure if she wanted them to know she was even there, but Ellen must have mentioned her. Dean began looking around, and when his eyes met hers he had a disappointed look on his face.

He went back to his conversation with Ellen, and he and Sam left. Lily went to Ellen to find out what happened.

"The boys are gonna help us get these people out. Then we'll find Jo and Rufus."

Sam and Dean came back with weapons and salt. The four hunters went around the room showing people how to use them. Lily glanced at Dean a few times, and saw him looking back once or twice. He still had not spoken to her.

After some time, Ellen left with Sam to go look for Jo. Lily and Dean continued to help people learn their weapons. Things eventually settled down and Dean went over to Lily. She was sitting in a chair, loading a rifle. He stood next to her with his arms folded.

"Did Bobby tell you we were comin' here?"

"Bobby hasn't mentioned you to me in five months, Dean."

"Then why are you here?"

She glared up at him. "Not that it's any of your business, but I was meeting Ellen and Jo when they got the call from Rufus."

"You've been hunting with Ellen?"

"Yeah. Bobby hooked us up."

"He never told us."

"Really? How's that feel?"

Her eyes shot daggers at him before she turned her attention back to the weapons. He wiped a hand over his face.

"I really don't need this," he said. "It's bad enough I'm dealing with Sam..."

"What's wrong with Sam?"

Dean started to walk away, but he pulled a chair over and sat across from Lily, close enough that their knees were touching. He leaned in and spoke quietly so no one else could hear.

"Lucifer is free."

"What?"

"Killing Lilith was the final seal, and Sam did it."

"But he didn't know, right?"

"No, he didn't know."

"Then what's the issue?"

Dean told Lily all about the demon blood, and it made her stomach turn. She couldn't imagine Sam doing that. But when he told her about the fight they had before Lucifer was freed... that was what shocked her more than anything.

"I can't believe you let it go that far, Dean."

"What was I supposed to do?"

She lowered her eyes. "I don't know."

"I swear, between Sam and Bobby, and..."

"What's wrong with Bobby?" She cut him off.

"When was the last time you talked to him?"

"About two weeks ago."

"He's in a wheelchair."

"How?"

"He got possessed. He was able to take control long enough to stab himself with the demon knife. The demon died, but now Bobby can't walk."

"There had to be another way. Why would he stab himself?"

"Because the demon was about to kill me."

A sad look passed over Lily's face. "He would rather die than hurt you."

"Exactly."

"I'm so sorry, Dean."

"He's not taking it well."

"I wouldn't expect him to."

A silence fell between them. Lily set the gun she was holding on the table and leaned forward, with her elbows on her knees.

"You know, I don't think you even deserve to know this, but... I missed you."

Dean smiled. He mirrored her posture and took her hands in his. "I missed you too, Kitten."


	14. Chapter 14

Lily noticed Dean glancing at his watch several times.

"You're worried about Sam and Ellen," she said. It wasn't a question.

"They've been gone a while now."

"Ellen has been tryin' to get out there to look for Jo since we got separated."

Dean got up and began to walk around. The situation reminded Lily of when they were stuck in the werewolf's basement for five days. Only, there were a lot more people here now. Tension was high.

There was a knock at the door. Dean checked through the peephole, moved the makeshift barricade, and let in Ellen. She was alone.

"Where's Sam?" Dean asked.

Ellen looked at Dean and shook her head before sitting down. Dean grabbed a shotgun and headed for the door, but he turned and looked back at the people in the room. She knew what he was thinking. These people were depending on him. Sam knew how to fight. These people didn't. He walked back to where Ellen was sitting.

"Okay, we need to get a plan together. Tell me everything."

Lily sat next to Ellen and she filled them in on what happened to her and Sam. They had found the demons' base camp, a house across town. As they were making their way closer, Ellen was grabbed from behind. Sam fought and told Ellen to run, which she did when Sam was knocked down.

The weirdest part of the whole thing was that Ellen came face-to-face with Jo. Jo's eyes were black, but she had called Ellen a "black-eyed bitch."

Dean finally asked Ellen about the omens that had brought Rufus into town in the first place. After talking with the pastor and Austin, Dean pulled a Bible from a bookshelf and read a passage aloud. It was a sign of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Dean remembered seeing a red mustang in town.

War.

"You said Jo called you a black-eyed bitch," Dean said. "They think we're demons, we think they're demons. What if there are no demons at all and we're all just killing each other?"

Not long after, there was a loud banging on the door. One of the men that had been in the room, Roger, yelled to be let in. He was breathing heavily, as if he had been running. He told everyone that he ran into some demons and they said they were going to kill them all. Dean tried to calm him down and find out where Roger saw these demons, since he now believed that there actually were no demons.

Austin was doubtful, trusting Roger over Dean. He wanted to get out. While he and Dean were arguing, Roger twisted the ring on his finger. Lily watched as Roger backed away from the three hunters.

"Look at their eyes!" Roger yelled. "They're demons!"

Lily saw the fear in the people's faces, and Dean immediately reacted as the pastor raised a gun at them.

"Move!" Dean shouted, pushing Ellen and Lily out the door. They ran until they found a place to catch their breath.

"We have to get to Rufus and Jo." Dean said. "Roger is War."

Ellen pointed in the distance. "The smoke over there... it's from the chimney. That's the base."

"Okay," Dean said, "you two stay close."

Ellen stopped Dean before they got too close to the house. "Hang on. Rufus is gonna have that place booby-trapped. Don't open anything or step anywhere without checking first."

They made their way up the porch and Lily took extra cautious steps. She noticed a window, just slightly opened, and grabbed Dean's hand. When he looked back, she pointed to it and he nodded. He looked around until he found a broom stick. He put Lily and Ellen behind him and, after making sure the room was empty inside, used the stick to open the window from a distance. It took some work, but he eventually got it open, and the explosion rocked the house.

When Rufus came to check it out Dean grabbed him, trying to explain what was going on. Ellen and Lily did the same with Jo. Eventually, everyone was on the same page. Dean went upstairs and let Sam loose, but the people from the church were already at the house, armed and ready to kill. Some of the people inside the house started firing, and the ones outside fired back. Rufus and Lily went around telling people to stop shooting, while the guys went after War.

A few minutes later, everything was calm. An extremely eerie calm. When Sam and Dean made it back to the house, the crowd was gone. Lily wasn't sure to where. They had just dispersed.

After making sure that everyone was okay, Sam and Dean left the house.

"Hang on," Lily called after them. She ran down the porch steps until she was standing in front of them.

"I'm coming with you."

Dean gave her a disapproving look. "Are we gonna have this fight again?"

Lily looked confused. "After our talk, I figured..."

"Nothing's changed. No, you know what, things have changed. They're worse. You're not coming. Stick with Ellen and Jo."

Lily didn't know what to say. She just stood there and watched as Dean turned and walked away. She glanced at Sam, who gave her an apologetic look before following his brother.


	15. Chapter 15

Lily waited a little over a week before calling Bobby. She was still trying to wrap her head around everything Dean had told her, including the fact that he missed her, yet left her behind again.

"How you doin', Bobby?"

"Judging by the tone of your voice I'd say you know my situation, so you can imagine how I'm doin'."

"Sorry, Bobby."

"Not your fault. Whatcha want, kid?"

"Just called to talk."

"If you're lookin' to give a pep talk, you got the wrong guy. I don't need a pep talk. I need legs that work."

"Bobby..."

"Why don't you call Sam. I just got off the phone with him. He could use a pep talk."

"Why? What's up?"

"He and Dean decided to go their separate ways. Sam's outta the game."

"You're kidding?"

"Do I kid, kid?"

"Why did they split?"

Bobby didn't answer, and Lily realized he may be wondering just how much she knew.

"Does it have something to do with the demon blood?"

"What demon blood?"

"Bobby, Dean told me everything in River Pass. It's how I knew about you, too."

"And you're just calling now?"

"I wanted to give you some time."

"Well, thanks for that."

"Seriously, Bobby. Is it the blood?"

"Partly, yeah."

"He's doing it again?"

"No... but it's like he's jonesin' for it. Said he felt like it was interfering with the job, and Dean agreed."

"Dean felt like Sam was a distraction?"

"I guess you could call it that."

"Well, nice to know it's not just me."

"Huh?"

"That's the same thing Dean told me... he couldn't afford the distraction."

"Give Sam a call. He'd probably like to hear from you."

"No. If he's really out then I'm not gonna be the one that ends up pulling him back in. You call me if you need anything, Bobby."

"You got it, kid."

Lily kept working. She alternated solo jobs and working with Ellen and Jo. It was during one of her solo jobs that she got the call from Bobby. Ellen and Jo were dead. Bobby told her how it happened, and Lily got angry.

"I should have been there, Bobby! You called Ellen and Jo in. Why didn't you call me?"

"I was gonna. I wanted all hands on deck, but Dean was already upset over getting Jo involved. When he found out I was gonna call you he almost flipped. Made me promise not to."

The tears were streaming down Lily's face. "Damned Dean Winchester. Who gave him the right..."

"Listen, kid," Bobby interrupted, "you know how he is. He feels like this is him and Sam's mess, and they need to be the ones to clean it up. He don't like askin' for help. And he don't like puttin' people he cares about in danger."

"What about Ellen and Jo?"

"Dean's devastated. He don't show it, but I can tell. He's blamin' himself, as usual."

In the months that followed, Lily stopped asking about Dean and Sam. Bobby was determined to keep his promise. He would not tell her anything about the plans to stop the apocalypse.

Bobby called her in on a few jobs he worked. He finally reached a point where he had moved past the fact of his wheelchair enough to hit the road when needed. She learned a lot working side-by-side with him. She was grateful for those jobs. Hunting solo got very lonely. She had lost her dad, lost Ellen and Jo, and, if she was honest with herself, she had lost Dean too. It didn't matter what his reasons were, he just would not speak to her.

She missed him. And she was mad at him. He was driving her crazy and he wasn't even around. But it was the news she got in May that shattered her. It had been a while since she heard from Bobby outside of the occasional text to let her know he was still alive, so she was relieved when he called her. The feeling didn't last.

Sam was gone. He had said yes to Lucifer and managed to gain control long enough to throw himself, and the devil, into the pit.

"Dean's out," Bobby said.

"What does that mean?"

"It means he's out. Sam made him promise to go find Lisa and live a normal life."

"Lisa?" All the feeling went out of Lily's body.

"It's a woman he met..."

"I know about Lisa." She closed her eyes. "Dean kept his promise?"

"I couldn't believe it myself, but, yeah." When Lily didn't say anything else, Bobby spoke again. "Why don't you fly out here for a few days and keep an old man company?"

Lily smiled. "That sounds like a plan, but I think I'll drive. Get my head cleared."

"Alright, kid. See you soon."

Lily took a side trip to Cicero. Dean was so close... just a few hours away... and she never felt further. She found the house and parked on the opposite side of the street, far enough away so she wouldn't be seen, but close enough to see people come and go. She was there about an hour when Dean walked out with a young boy. She assumed it was Ben. Dean went around and tossed something into the bed of the truck in the driveway while Ben climbed into the cab. A moment later, a woman came out: Lisa. Dean held the passenger door of the truck open. They kissed, and Lisa climbed into the cab. Dean shut the door and walked around to the driver side. They were soon out of the driveway, and headed down the street, away from Lily. She sat in her car, head down, hands gripping the steering wheel, defying the tears to fall.

"I should have told him." She looked up at the house and put the car in drive. "Goodbye, Dean."

She turned the car around in the nearest driveway and headed for the highway, making her way to Bobby's.


	16. Chapter 16

Lily sat at her desk doing research when there was a knock at the door. She thought for a moment. She wasn't expecting anyone. She hesitated as she stood, and grabbed her gun. Making her way to the door, she was a quiet as possible. When she looked through the peephole, she was shocked. She placed the gun in the back of the waistband of her jeans and flung the door open, her mouth agape.

"Hey, Lily."

"Dean... What are you doing here?"

Before she could react, Dean pulled her into a feverish kiss. One hand at the back of her head and one on her waist held her close. Her arms instinctively wrapped around him, but she pulled away as she regained control of herself.

"What are you doing? You went to Lisa, Dean. What's going on?"

"Me and Lisa... She doesn't understand me the way you do. I keep dreaming about you. I can't stop thinking about you."

"Dean, you pushed me away."

"I know, and I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry. I messed up. But I thought I was doing what was best for you, to keep you safe."

"So, what, you pop in here for a little fun, then go back to Lisa? Does she know?"

"There is no more Lisa." He stepped to Lily and took her face into his hands. "I want you, for good, if it's not too late."

Lily covered his hands with her own and closed her eyes against a tear. "Do you really mean it Dean?"

He leaned forward, and she felt his breath on her lips. "I really do."

When his lips touched hers again, her hands went into his hair. She pressed her entire body against him, reveling in the feeling.

"I missed you so much, Dean."

He gently pushed her back into the house so he could close the door.

"I missed you too, Kitten."

He scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom. When he placed her back on her feet, her hands slid beneath his t-shirt. He shrugged off the button-up that he wore open on top and lifted his arms so Lily could remove the t-shirt. She let her hands glide back down his chest to his pants as he unbuttoned her shirt. He kissed her shoulders, letting the shirt fall down her arms, but it was caught. She refused to take her hands away from his pants, not that he was complaining. She had worked her way inside, and was making Dean's eyes roll back.

He kissed her lips, fighting to stay in control. When she felt him thrust his hips she removed her hands, causing Dean to groan against her mouth. She let her shirt fall to the floor and reached behind to unclasp her bra. Dean pulled the straps from her shoulders, and it quickly joined her shirt. They reluctantly pulled apart and removed the rest of their clothing.

Lily lay down on the bed and Dean crawled over her, staring into her eyes. She could see how much he wanted her, and she wanted him just as badly. She wrapped one leg around him as he pressed his weight down on her. He kissed her neck, and whispered her name as he entered her.

"Dean..."

"Lily... Lily..."

Dean's voice faded, and as Lily's eyes opened, she remembered where she was.

"Lily..."

There was a knocking at the door. She got out of bed and opened it.

"What's up Bobby?"

"You were sleeping pretty hard in there, kid."

"Yeah, I'm just tired."

"Got a call from Garth. He thinks he might have a rugaru on his hands. Wanna help?"

"Sure. Just give me a few minutes to actually wake up."

"No problem. I'll be downstairs."

Lily closed the door and laid her head back against it, closing her eyes. That dream felt far too real. She told herself she had to get over Dean, but she knew it wouldn't be easy, and it would take time. Time was all she had.

Lily liked Garth. She could tell he drove Bobby a little nuts, but he was such a sweet guy. He was a hugger. Lily didn't normally like that, but it was different from Garth. He was an innocent soul. That was rare in the world. Even more rare in the world of hunters.

When the case was over, they said their goodbyes. Garth walked to her with his arms outstretched.

"You know what's comin'."

Lily laughed and he gave her a big hug. They exchanged numbers, and Lily told him to call anytime.

She stayed at Bobby's for a couple more days before driving home. She spent the next year alternating solo jobs and working with Bobby or Garth. A case fell into her lap that had her completely baffled. She called Bobby to ask if he had anything that could help her out, when she heard voices in the background.

"Bobby, is that Dean I hear?"

"Yep."

"So, he just dropped by for a visit after all this time?"

"Actually... he's huntin' again."

"What about Lisa and Ben?"

"They're still tryin' to figure out how to make it work."

"What would make Dean get back in without Sam now that he has a family?"

Bobby didn't say a word. Lily heard the voices in the background again, and she paid attention. She felt a rapid mixture of emotions when she recognized the voice: doubt, confusion, relief, happiness.

"Bobby... is that Sam?" He didn't answer. "Bobby!"

"Yeah, it's Sam. And before you start askin' all kinds of questions, we don't know how or why."

"When?"

"Almost a year ago."

"Geez, Bobby! Nobody tells me anything!"

"If it makes you feel any better, Dean didn't know either."

She thought about that for a minute. "Part of me would love to say that it makes me feel better after the way Dean cut me out, but Sam is his brother. I know he had to be hurting this past year."

"Sam didn't want to drag him back into the life. Neither did I."

"And you didn't tell me because...?"

"We thought you would tell Dean."

"I may have... Listen, Bobby, I have to go. Will you check up on that stuff for me?"

"Sure thing, kid."

"Thanks. Tell Sam I'm glad he's back."

"Will do."


	17. Chapter 17

Lily decided to stay away from Dean. If he was trying to work out a life of hunting with Lisa and Ben still in it, there was no way she was going to tag along. She wouldn't put herself through that kind of emotional torture. The good news was that they weren't shutting her out anymore. The monster problem was on the rise, and everyone needed to pitch in. Bobby being out of his wheelchair definitely helped. He had surprised her with that good news when she first visited him after Sam jumped into the pit.

She worked a few jobs with Bobby when the boys weren't around. She worked one or two with Garth, but most of her time was spent solo as the next year passed. She thought it was better that way. She couldn't afford to become dependent on, or attached to, anyone else. Her dad, Ellen, Jo... all dead. Then Bobby called to tell her about Rufus. She had only worked with Rufus twice, both times with Ellen, but a loss was a loss. Rufus was a good hunter.

She got a frantic call from Bobby one night while she was on the road. The man rarely sounded scared, but he did that night.

"I need your help, kid."

"What's up?"

"I know you don't wanna be around Dean, but you're it. I called Garth and he's too far to make it here. He said you were close."

"Yeah, I'm about an hour away. I was meeting up with him in Washington. Headed there now. What's wrong?"

"Cas popped Purgatory. He let out some pretty nasty SOBs. Leviathan."

"Leviathan? As in the ancient Biblical beast Leviathan?"

"Yeah, you know it?"

"Know the name. Know they're not nice. Can't tell you much else."

"Well, we have some right here in Sioux Falls. Cas is gone, Sam is out of commission..."

"Why?"

"His hell wall broke... he's hallucinatin'."

"A lot's happened since we last talked."

"No kiddin'. You helpin' or what?"

"I'll get there as soon as I can."

When she finally pulled up to Bobby's, her heart sank. It had been completely gutted by a fire. She got out of her car and ran toward what used to be Bobby's home.

"Bobby!"

"I'm here!"

He came out of a hole in the wall.

"Everything's gone. Let's get outta here, quick."

They each got in their own cars. Bobby pulled out first and Lily followed. Once they were far enough away, they pulled over into a wooded area to talk. Bobby got out of the car, digging in his pockets.

"Dammit."

"What's wrong?"

"Dropped my phone back there."

"Why did we have to leave so fast?"

"'Cause that fire was no accident. Those monsters know who I am... by name. Looks like they're comin' after me."

"What about Sam and Dean?"

"Balls... they were supposed to meet me at the house." Bobby reached for his phone, forgetting he didn't have it. "Balls!"

"Here," Lily said, "use mine."

Bobby called both Sam and Dean, but got no answer. "We have to get back. You keep trying their phones."

He handed her phone back to her and they made their way back to the house. Bobby was going near ninety miles per hour. The road was empty. He slowed only once when they saw flashing lights ahead. It turned out to be an ambulance heading in the opposite direction, and Bobby picked up speed again once it was gone.

When they made it back to the house they found the Impala, but no Sam or Dean. They walked around the yard and Bobby saw that a car he had hoisted up was now totaled on the ground. As he got closer, he saw a hand and black goo beneath it. Lily walked up behind him and saw it as well.

"That's not blood," she said.

"No, it's not."

"You think this was Sam and Dean's work?"

"I know it was. Question is, where are they?"

A look of panic came over Lily's face. "Bobby, that ambulance..."

"Balls!"

He began a brisk walk back in the direction of his car. Lily jogged a few steps to catch up, then stayed with him."

"We gotta get over to Sioux Falls General."

"Is that where they would take them?"

"It's the closest... and it's got monsters on staff."

"Crap!"

"We need a cover goin' in, in case we get stopped. You got a suit with you?"

"Always."

"Good. We gotta get changed. Sun will be up soon, and we'll go in."

Bobby was able to find out which room Dean was in and went to him while Lily tracked down Sam's location. She found out he was in MRI and made her way to Dean's room. Bobby was helping Dean into bed when she walked in. Dean stared at her for a moment.

"I think I'm hallucinating," he said.

Bobby turned to see what Dean was looking at and saw Lily in the doorway.

"You're not hallucinating. That's really Lily."

"What are you doing here?"

"Saving your ass, Winchester." She looked back to Bobby. "Sam's in MRI."

"Okay, you get him dressed and meet me at the ambulance dock. I'll get Sam."

Bobby left and Lily got Dean's clothes together.

"Let's go. Hurry up."

"You're still pissed at me, aren't you?"

"Now's not the time, Dean."

He grabbed her arm and she looked into his eyes. "You know I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to keep you safe."

She noticed his eyes were sort of glazed over, and his words were slurring. "Are you high?"

"Morphine."

"Great."

She got him dressed and they made their way down the hall, trying to seem casual. They made it to the ambulance dock and opened the passenger door just in time to see the doctor and his nurse come out. Lily shoved Dean in and climbed in after him.

"Go, go, go!" Dean shouted.

Bobby peeled out and they didn't stop until the were far away.


	18. Chapter 18

Bobby had Lily park her car along the road out of town before they went to rescue Sam and Dean. When they reached it, they unloaded Sam, got him off of the gurney and into the backseat of her car. Bobby got in with him. Dean worked his casted leg into the front seat and Lily climbed behind the wheel.

They took Sam to another, monster-free hospital so he could be checked out. He still had not woken up. The doctor admitted him, so the others got a motel room nearby. Bobby suggested they all stay together, so they got just one room. The room did not have a couch. Lily put her bag on the bed furthest from the door, and Dean put his bag next to hers.

"What are you doing?" she asked him.

"Claiming my spot."

She folded her arms. "Do you seriously think I'm sharing a bed with you?"

"We've done it before," he said with a smirk.

"Things change." She picked up his bag and put it on the other bed.

"If you're this pissed at me, why did you even come?"

"Because life and death trumps whatever we have going on. I'm not gonna let you die just because you're an ass."

"Okay, you two," Bobby said. "Dean, you'll bunk with me."

"Awesome," Dean said, his tone flat.

"Well, I ain't exactly thrilled about it either, boy, but we do what we have to."

Bobby went to check on Sam the next day. He was awake and seemed to be doing well, but the doctor wanted to keep him at least one more night to be sure. Lily and Dean stayed at the motel, barely speaking. Dean did fill her in on how he and Sam ended up at the hospital, but other than that they were quiet.

The next day, Bobby got Sam checked out of the hospital and brought him back to the motel room.

"Where we headin', Bobby?" Dean asked.

"Rufus had a cabin in Montana. I think we should head there, but first I need to go back for my car. We can't rely on just the one."

"What about my car?" Dean asked.

"We'll go back for yours later. You can't drive anyway, and neither can Sam. Your car is safe at the yard for now."

"I'll drive you, Bobby," Lily said.

Bobby nodded and looked at Sam and Dean. "You two stay put. We'll be back in a few hours."

Once they were on the road, Bobby started asking questions.

"What's up with you, kid?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dean. You haven't seen him in almost two years, and you're acting like he did you something yesterday."

"Bobby, I don't wanna talk about this."

"I think you two are more alike than you realize."

Lily gave him a sideways glance to let him know she wasn't too happy with that comparison. "He shut me out. It hurt, okay?"

"Okay, but you're back in."

"Because you called... not Dean."

"Dean's fine with it, though. He hasn't gotten upset over it. Hell, he even tried to share a bed with you."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? That he thinks he can act like nothing happened? Everything just goes back to the way it was?"

Bobby stared at Lily. "You're actin' like a..."

"Like a what? A bitch?"

"No... like a scorned woman."

"That's exactly what I am... he completely dismissed me!"

"No, I mean scorned, like, romantically."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Tell me I'm wrong."

Lily scoffed, fixing her eyes straight ahead on the road. "You're wrong."

"Uh huh. Me thinks the lady doth not protest enough."

"That's not the line, Bobby."

"I know, but I know you too. If I was wrong you'd let me have it." Lily just shook her head, so Bobby kept going. "You feel rejected, so you're not gonna let him in again, right."

"Bobby..."

"You love him, kid." He said it softly, almost apologetically.

Lily felt tears welling up. "Bobby, so help me, if you say anything to him..."

"I won't. It ain't my place."

"Thank you."

"But let me tell you something. Don't go burning bridges. You'll regret it. Dean shut you out because he cares about you, and he thought it was the best way to protect you. Now, maybe he loves you, maybe he don't, but you won't know if you don't talk to him. And that's all I'm gonna say about it."

They drove the rest of the way in silence. Once Bobby had his car he led the way back to the motel. The guys were packed up and ready to go. Dean decided to avoid tension and ride with Bobby. Sam didn't want to leave Lily alone, so he rode with her.

She asked him how he was feeling, and they talked about everything that had happened to him over the last couple of years. She knew most if it, through Bobby, but it was a bit different hearing Sam tell it. He talked about Dean too, and she found out something she didn't know. Dean had Castiel wipe Lisa and Ben's memories of him. They had no clue he even existed. The name Dean Winchester meant nothing to them now. So it was really over with him and Lisa.

They started talking about the Leviathan, and the topic came around to her joining their little group again.

"Dean's really baffled, you know," Sam said.

"By what?"

"Your attitude."

"Excuse me?"

"He thought you would have forgiven him by now, considering the circumstances, and how close you guys were." Lily didn't respond. "I'm guessing you don't wanna talk about it."

"Not really."

"Gotcha."

They pulled into another motel around midnight. Bobby insisted again that they stay together, so it was just the one room. Still no couch. Lily put her bag down on one bed and Dean put his on the other one. People accused him of being dense, but he wasn't an idiot. He wasn't about to make that mistake again. Bobby automatically put his stuff on the bed with Dean's, thinking of the sleeping arrangement of the last couple of nights. That left Sam, and he seemed a bit uncomfortable.

"I can sleep on the floor," Sam said.

"Don't be ridiculous," Lily said. "You just got out of the hospital. We're both adults. I'll sleep under the sheet, and you sleep on top. I promise I'll keep my hands to myself."

She smiled at him and he laughed. "Yeah, okay."

They each took their turns in the shower and soon they were all asleep. Before she drifted off, Lily turned onto her side, facing the other bed. She could have sworn she saw Dean staring at her in the dark as he lay on his back with his head turned to her, but she was tired and she chalked it up to wishful thinking.

The next morning, Lily woke up to the sound of Dean's voice.

"Well, isn't this cozy," he said, loudly. "You two have fun last night?"

As she pulled herself out of sleep she realized that Sam had spooned up behind her in the night. His arm was over her, and her arm was on top of his. She felt Sam pull away as he realized their position.

"Lily, I'm sorry... I don't know how..."

"It's okay, Sam. No harm done."

She got out of bed and grabbed her bag as she headed to the bathroom. She walked past Dean, who was glaring at Sam. If she didn't know better, she would think that was a look of jealousy on his face.


	19. Chapter 19

Lily was outside putting her things in the trunk of her car when Dean walked up behind her and rested on his crutches.

"We need to talk," he said.

"No, we need to get on the road."

"Fine." He pulled his bag from his shoulder and flung it into her trunk, then made his way around the car and got in.

Lily rolled her eyes and slammed the trunk shut. She turned the radio on as soon as she was in the car. Dean waited until they had been driving a while before he said anything. He turned the radio down.

"We can't work together with this tension between us. It's gonna get us killed."

"I don't think this is a discussion we should be having in the car."

"Okay, then, we'll talk when we get to the cabin. I just have to know one thing..."

"And that is?"

"Are you trying to use Sam to get back at me some kind of way?"

"What?"

"You and him in the bed this morning..."

"How would that be a way for me to get back at you?"

"Oh, I don't know, the idea of my brother sleeping with someone I've slept with is pretty creepy."

"Dean, that was an accident. We just ended up that way in our sleep. It's one of the hazards of sharing a bed. I would never use him that way. I think of Sam as a brother."

"Do you really?"

"Yes."

"How do you think of me?"

Lily took a breath. "I try not to."

Dean nodded, "Well, I just spent the past year trying not to think of you. So, I guess that makes us even."

"What do you mean?"

He hesitated before turning the music back up. "We'll talk at the cabin."

They spent the rest of the trip in silence, but Lily's mind was going in circles trying to figure out what Dean meant about trying not to think of her. When they finally got to the cabin they all scoped the place out. It needed some cleaning, and they would need supplies, but overall it wasn't bad. There were two small bedrooms in the place. Lily claimed hers and began to clean it up. That left the men to decide the fate of the other room.

"Well, I'm not sharing a bed with you," Dean said to Sam. "I don't wanna wake up being spooned by Sasquatch."

"Dean, man, nothing happened."

"Uh huh."

Bobby rolled his eyes and grabbed his bag from the couch. "You two chuckle heads can keep arguin'. I'ma take the room."

When Bobby was gone, Sam continued. "And so what if it did? It's not like you and Lily are together." Dean glared at him, but didn't say anything. Sam knew the idea of him and Lily would push Dean to open back up to her, so he kept going. "You know, Lily is a nice girl. She's smart, skilled... she's hot."

"Sam..."

"It felt kind of nice waking up with her in my arms. Maybe I should go for it."

"I will punch you in the face." It wasn't a threat. It was fact. Dean's voice was flat and calm.

"Well, maybe you two should sit down and talk."

"I'm trying, okay. We will. Things just need to calm down a little."

Nothing else was said that night. Dean decided to sleep on the couch since his leg was in a cast, and Sam took the floor.

Lily was the first to wake the next morning. She found Dean asleep on the couch with his good leg hanging off. Familiar feelings tugged in the pit of her stomach, and her lips formed a smile against her will. He could still make her melt. She quietly poked around in the kitchen, which was completely open to the rest of the living area, looking for any food they could eat. It was pretty bare.

She went back to her room to dig through her bag. She grabbed her keys and a small wallet. As she was headed out the door, Dean called to her.

"Where you goin'?"

"Grocery run."

Dean sat up and ran a hand through his matted hair. "Hang on a sec. I'll come with you."

"You're on crutches, Dean. You'll only slow me down. Besides, the Leviathans don't know who I am yet. They know you very well. It's safer for you if you stay here." She gave Dean a big smile as she walked out of the door. "I'll be back soon." She left feeling a little satisfied that she had given Dean a taste of what he had put her through by leaving her behind, even if it was over something as trivial as going to buy groceries.

Lily returned almost two hours later. She brought in a couple of bags and saw that Sam was up, and she was relieved.

"I'm so glad you're awake. Can you help me bring these bags in?"

"Sure," Sam said.

He guided Lily through door with his hand at the small of her back. Dean didn't miss that gesture.

When all the bags were in the house, Dean helped put things away, using just one crutch to help him get around. Lily had gotten everything they could possibly need while they were laid up with Dean's leg. One of the bags Dean opened made his face light up.

"Pie!" He went to Lily and kissed her cheek. "You're awesome."

"You're welcome," she said, flatly. She had felt the crack in her resolve at the feel of his lips on her skin. He was slowly pulling her back in without even trying, and she hated it.

Bobby had gone into town to check out the local area and the news. He got back a few hours later and told them he was heading back to South Dakota to check things out. He had to see what survived the fire before the authorities got there and started looking through things. Dean tried to talk him out of leaving so soon, but when Bobby promised to bring Dean's car back with him, Dean relented.

Sam eventually busied himself on his laptop while Lily and Dean watched television. Dean sat with his casted leg stretched out across the couch, and Lily sat at the other end in what little room was left. He glanced at her a few times, but her eyes remained fixed on the tv. Dean eventually turned the tv off.

"Hey," Lily said. "I was watching that."

"Can we talk now?"

Lily looked over at Sam who was sitting at a small table in the kitchen area. "Let's go out back," she said.

Dean got up onto his crutches and they went outside. There were two chairs at a small round table where they both sat. Lily didn't leave room for idle chat.

"Okay. I answered your question about Sam in the car on the way up here, but you never answered mine. What did you mean that you spent the last year trying not to think of me?"

"Wow... no foreplay, huh?"

Dean chuckled, but Lily's face remained serious, and his smile quickly faded.

"Okay," he said, "I don't know how much you know already from Bobby, but Sam made me make a promise."

"I know about that."

"Good. Before we get to that, though, back at the hospital... I might have been flying high on pain killers, but I meant what I said. I never meant to hurt you."

"How could you pushing me away not hurt me? You were the closest thing I had to a best friend, and you wouldn't let me help you when you needed it most. You treated me like a child. How do you know things wouldn't have turned out different if I were helping? Sam may have never had to jump in the pit."

"How do you know you wouldn't have died?"

"I don't. That's the point. We don't know what's gonna happen. But I'm a hunter, Dean. Have been for years... probably almost as long as you have. I know the risks. I don't need a babysitter, I need a friend."

"I thought that's what I was being, trying to keep you safe."

"Look... I appreciate the fact that you care enough about me to care about my safety. But if you ever try to push me away again, I will kill you myself."

Dean smiled, but Lily shook her head as if to say "I'm not kidding," and the smile on Dean's face turned to a worried look. As she watched the change in his expression, Lily couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay," Lily said, "not thinking about me?"

"Right." Dean took a deep breath and hesitated a little, trying to think of how to best explain it. "Sam wanted me to stop hunting after he was gone. He didn't want me looking for a way to get him out, or anything. He wanted me to have a normal life, so he told me to go find Lisa." Lily nodded, and Dean paused. He stared at her for a moment before continuing. "Part of me wanted to go to you."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I knew you were pissed at me... and you were still hunting. That's not what Sam wanted."

"So you went to have a normal life with Lisa."

"I did. And I cared about Lisa and Ben a lot... I still do, but... part of me was always back here."

"With hunting."

"Well, yeah, with hunting, but... with you too. Me and Lisa, we'd had one night together years ago. But me and you... we have a history. And it's more than just sex. It's like you said. You're the closest thing I have to a best friend, and I missed you. I thought about you, but I was with Lisa. So, I tried not to think about you. And I know it was my fault for pushing you away, and maybe Sam wouldn't have asked me to go to Lisa if you had been around... But I can't take any of it back. I can only say I'm sorry for hurting you." He stood without his crutches, supporting his weight on his good leg, and took Lily's hand. She stood as well, and he placed his hands on her arms. "I don't wanna lose you, Lily."

"I don't wanna lose you, either."

Dean wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. Her hands went around his waist and returned the tight embrace. After a moment, Dean pulled back and lifted Lily's chin, softly bringing Lily's lips to his. They barely kissed before Lily pulled away.

"I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"Okay... we'll take it slower. I just need to know that you forgive me."

"Almost."

"Well, I guess that's better than a no."


	20. Chapter 20

When Lily and Dean came back in she headed for the kitchen to fix something to eat. Sam was still sitting at the table.

"You guys want anything?"

"No, I'm good," Sam said.

"I'll come help," Dean said. He made his way over on his crutches, but Lily stopped him.

"Go sit down."

"What, I can't help?"

"You should be off your feet."

"I'm not useless, you know."

"No one said you are, but you'll heal faster if you're rested." She gently pushed him on his back until he started moving toward the couch. She followed him and picked up a blanket on the way. Once he was seated with his casted leg up, she put the blanket over him. "You need to learn to let someone take care of you for a change. Let go of the wheel for a while." Dean opened his mouth to speak, but Lily knew it would be an objection, so she cut him off. "I know it's hard for you... but it's okay."

Dean smiled at her, and she could almost see some of the tension fade from his face.

That night, Sam announced that he would be taking the room Bobby had used. Dean pouted a little.

"Why do I get stuck with couch? I'm the only one without a bed."

"Well," Lily said, "if it'll make you happy..." Dean's eyebrow went up in anticipation, "... Sam can stay with me and you can have the empty room."

Sam was laughing before Lily could even finish. Dean's face fell, "You're hilarious."

Lily smiled and asked Dean if he needed anything before she went to bed. He said he was fine, and they all said goodnight.

A little over a week later, everything was much the same. Bobby had called to check in once so they would know he was okay. Sam spent a lot of time on his laptop, trying to keep his mind occupied so the hallucinations wouldn't come as much. Dean was learning to like being taken care of, especially by Lily. He loved to watch her take care of him. It actually seemed to make her happy.

Dean had gone to use the restroom. Lily had just finished cleaning up when she sat down on the couch and put her feet up on the table in front of her. When Dean came out, he paused for a moment, then smiled as he set his crutches down and sat next to Lily. He hoisted his casted leg onto the couch, then lay back over Lily's lap, leaning against the arm of the sofa. His head rested on Lily's chest.

"What are you doing?"

"You're in my spot," he said with his eyes closed.

"You couldn't have sat on the other side?"

"It's more comfortable this way. I like to hang my other leg off the side... I don't feel like I'm laying down all day."

"Okay," Lily said with a sigh. She would let him have his way.

When Sam went outside on the back deck to get some air, Dean took the opportunity to try to get Lily to open up to him again.

"You know what this reminds me of?"

"Hmmm?"

"When you flew out to see me in the hospital."

"That was awful."

"You made the trip back to Bobby's pretty good, making me lay my head in your lap in the back seat. It was nice."

Lily's hand was lying on the cushion next to Dean. He picked it up, lacing their fingers together and holding it to his chest.

"It used to be so easy for us," he said. "We could go without seeing each other for almost a year and pick up right where we let off."

"You're right. It was very easy."

"When did it get complicated?" Dean asked, staring off into space.

"I don't know," Lily said. But she did know. It was that same night that they got Dean out of the hospital. The night she realized she was in love with him.

She lifted her free hand to Dean's head and ran her fingers through his hair. He smiled, closing his eyes again. When she shifted a bit, he opened his eyes to find her staring at him. He wouldn't make the first move again. He had given up the wheel like she had asked. She had it now.

All her doubts ran through her mind as she looked down at him, but those beautiful green eyes acted like a bouncer that threw them all back out. She slowly leaned down and touched his lips with hers. She pulled away just long enough to look into his eyes again before recapturing his lips in a deeper kiss. He let go of her hand so he could support himself as he tried to sit up a little. His other hand went to the back of her neck, holding her close to him.

Lily suddenly felt a desperate need for Dean. Two years had been far too long. Her hand was on his face, and she slowly slid it down his body as they kissed, until it reached his cast.

"Dammit," she whispered.

"What's wrong?"

She knocked on his cast in answer.

"So?" he asked.

"So... I want you."

"Sweetheart, I want you to."

"I want you in peak condition."

"That's another week and a half," he said with a groan. "Besides, I gave up the wheel, remember? You're in control. We can work around the cast."

Dean kissed her neck and slipped his hand beneath her shirt. She felt a rush of heat go through her body and she was about to give in when Sam came back inside.

"We have bedrooms, guys. Nice to see you're getting along again, though."

Dean sat up, running his hand through his hair. Lily quickly stood and started to walk away, but Dean grabbed her hand.

"Hey..."

When she turned to him she saw a concerned look on his face. "I'm fine, Dean. Really."

She smiled and lightly kissed his forehead. That seemed to satisfy him.

Over the next few days, Dean and Lily spent a lot of time snuggled together on the couch. There was lots of petting and light kissing. She would always stop herself before the urge made her go any further, but this night was different. Bobby had called and it looked like he would be back soon. Dean would be getting his cast off in five days, which meant they would be hitting the road again. She was done waiting. Dean was right, they could work around the cast.

Sam had gotten into a routine of going to be early, leaving Dean and Lily with some privacy, even in the living area. Dean was sitting on the couch in his usual spot, bad leg stretched out, good leg off the side. Lily sat down between his legs and leaned back onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and she leaned her head to the side, looking up so they could kiss. After a few minutes, she whispered in his ear.

"How would you like to take this into the bedroom?"

"Kitten, that's a question you don't even have to ask."

She turned over in his arms and he moved to lie down more. As she lay on top of him, she stared into his eyes. He was taking in her whole face, his eyes moving from hers to her lips. He ran a hand through her hair, moving it away from her face.

"Damn, I missed you, baby."

Lily smiled and moved her hips against him. He took in a sharp breath.

"Careful... It's been a while since I've been with anyone. You're gonna take it too fast doin' that."

"It's been longer for me."

"How long?"

She stared at him, almost not wanting to answer. "More than two years."

Dean was shocked. "You're kidding." Lily just shook her head. "Lily... was I the last person you were with?"

She nodded. "I couldn't bring myself to be with anyone else. I kept hoping you'd come back to me."

"I can't believe you waited for me."

Lily shrugged. "It's not like I was missing out. I mean, come on... we're amazing together. No one would come close."

She smiled at him and he pulled her into a kiss. He kissed her deeply for several minutes, still unable to believe that this woman would wait for him. Even after he pushed her away and had seemingly moved on. She waited. So many times in his life he felt like he was left behind or unwanted. But she waited for him. He slowly pulled away and put his forehead against hers.

"It's gonna physically hurt me to say this... but we're gonna wait."

Lily pulled back to look at him. "What?"

"You waited this long... I'm not gonna make you do most of the work because my leg is in a cast. As soon as this cast comes off, you're mine. And we'll do it right."

"Five more days?"

"Five more days."

He kissed her again, and when he pulled away Lily sighed.

"It's gonna be a long five days."


	21. Chapter 21

Two days later, Bobby was back and he dropped the keys to the Impala in Dean's hand. Dean was excited to finally have his car back, even though he couldn't drive it yet. Bobby filled them in on what was happening in the outside world. More and more hunters were running into monsters that bled black goo and couldn't be killed. Leviathans. Everything Bobby had was destroyed in the house fire. All of his books, including the rare ones, were gone, but Bobby said he had copies stashed all over the place.

As they talked about the Leviathans, Dean asked Sam what he thought, but Sam didn't answer. He was staring ahead, as if lost in a trance. When Dean finally got him to snap back to reality, he said he was fine. Lily could tell by the look on Dean's face that he was worried about his brother. A few minutes later, Dean asked Sam to go to the store, tossing him the keys to the Impala.

"Hang on, Sam," Lily said. "I'll go with you."

"Actually, sweetheart," Dean said, grabbing her hand as she passed the couch, "Bobby will be leaving in a minute and I may need some attention."

"You 'may' need attention?" she asked, questioning his choice of words. "As in, there's a chance you won't?"

"You're right... I will. I most definitely will need attention."

The grin on his face was so wide that she couldn't help but laugh. She turned to Sam, Dean still holding her hand, "Sorry, Sam. Duty calls."

"Yeah," Sam chuckled, "I'll bet."

Dean reminded Sam not to forget the pie, and Sam left.

"Well," Bobby said, "looks like you two are doin' okay."

"We're great," Dean said. "It's Sam I'm worried about. Before you bail again..."

Dean asked Bobby what he thought about how Sam was doing. Bobby said he thought Sam looked to be doing better. Dean didn't agree. Before he left, Bobby told Dean that worrying too much about it wouldn't do any good.

"Bobby's right, you know," Lily said sitting on the arm of the sofa. "It's okay to be concerned about your brother, but worrying too much won't do you or him any good."

"You've been cooped up here with us the last three weeks. What do you think?"

"I think he's managing... learning to separate what's real and what's not."

"Managing is not getting better, it's just sweeping it under a rug."

"Dean," she said as she moved to sit next to him, "I think you need to prepare yourself for the possibility that managing is Sam's only option. He had no soul for over a year. His mind is broken. Give him time. We'll just keep an eye on him."

Dean pulled Lily against him and she lay against his chest. "What would I do without you?"

"You'll never have to find out."

"I guess the question right now is 'what do I do with you?' We're all alone here for a little while."

Lily let out a small laugh. "Use your imagination. I'm sure you'll think of something."

She felt the vibration of Dean's chest as he let out a growl, sending shivers down her spine. He lifted her face to kiss her, then he told her to turn around. When she did, he pulled her back against his chest and rubbed her shoulders.

"Ohhh... that feels good."

"I think you deserve it after taking care of me for the last few weeks."

"No arguments here."

It didn't take long before the noises Lily was making began to get to Dean. He had heard her make those sounds before, in other pleasurable situations. It made him want her even more. His fingers began to move in longer strokes over her shoulders, down the upper part of her chest. His motions became longer and longer until finally his hands were over her breasts, and they never made it back to her shoulders.

Lily inhaled deeply and let out a loud sigh, a moan tangled with it. When she took in the breath, it pushed her chest more into Dean's hands. He massaged there for a moment, through her clothes, before his hands slid down to the hem of her shirt and pulled it up. Without thinking, Lily lifted her arms and Dean pulled the shirt off of her, setting it next to her on the couch. His hands went back to her breasts as he kissed her neck. Lily reached up behind her and let her fingers run through Dean's hair.

When he pulled the cups of her bra down and ran his fingers over her, she nearly lost it.

"Dean... Mmmmm... If I can't have you, we need to stop."

He kissed her neck once more before removing his hands. She turned to sit properly and grabbed her shirt, giving Dean a nice view. Before she could right herself Dean grabbed her arm and pulled her to him.

"Come here."

He sat up and pulled her to her knees on the sofa, in front of him, which put her in just the right spot for him to take one of her breasts into his mouth. She clutched at his shoulders as her legs trembled.

"Dean, please... It's been so long."

"I know, baby."

They heard the rumble of the Impala and knew that Sam was back. Lily crumbled into Dean's arms and kissed him.

"Three more days," he said.

Lily fixed her bra and put her shirt back on.

"I don't think I can face Sam right now. I'm gonna go take a cold shower." She kissed him once more and was out of the room before Sam came in.

When she was done, Dean was in the same spot on the couch. He smiled and waved her over, but she hesitated. It was getting harder and harder to be around him. She went to him anyway, unable to fight the desire to feel him against her in any capacity. She sat between his legs and lay against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. They eventually fell asleep there.

Dean woke up and smiled. It had been a while since he had woken up with anyone in his arms. This woman in particular. He tucked her hair behind her ear and let his hand glide down her cheek. He sighed and turned his head. There was a note on the table. It could only be from Sam. He tried to reach it, but Lily was keeping him in his spot. He didn't want to just move her away, so he began to slowly wake her up. He kissed her head and rubbed her back.

"Sweetheart, I need you to wake up."

She groaned a little and moved to stretch. The way she moved against him made Dean shut his eyes tight.

"Dammit, baby," he whispered. "I can't wait to get this cast off... Lily..."

"What?" she asked, not lifting her head.

"I need you to get up. There's a note on the table and I can't reach."

Lily sat up and handed the note to Dean before rubbing her eyes. Dean read the note and Lily saw his jaw clench.

"Son of a bitch!"

"What's wrong?"

Dean handed Lily the note. It said, "Back in a few days. I'm fine. Sam."


	22. Chapter 22

Dean called Bobby right away to tell him Sam was gone. Bobby told him that Sam probably just needed some time alone. He thought they should give him a few days before they started looking for him. Dean agreed, but as soon as he was off the phone he started searching the cabin. Lily watched from where she sat on the sofa.

"What are you looking for?" Lily asked.

"Something that will get this cast off."

Seeing the frustration and determination on Dean's face, Lily stood. "You can't take it off. You still have a few more days."

"Oh, it's comin' off, and I'm goin' after Sam. Not only did he sneak out alone while he's having hallucinations, he took my car."

Lily followed Dean as he hobbled down the basement steps. "This isn't about the car, and you know it."

"It's a little about the car."

"This is about you still not trusting your brother." Dean stopped and looked at her. "Come on, Dean. I know everything that happened. Between you and Bobby I've been pretty well filled in, well, mostly by Bobby. You haven't trusted Sam since you got back from Hell... not really. And it's worse since he got back."

"The man had no soul, Lily!"

"I know! I know... but now his soul is in tact."

"And he's hallucinating Lucifer."

"Reason for concern, not distrust."

"He's not right in the head."

"And you are? Or me, for that matter?"

"This is different. And you're not talking me out of going."

Lily knew he meant it, and didn't try to argue anymore. "Will you at least leave the cast on?"

"No."

Dean finally found some kind of saw and cut through the cast. He limped slightly as he walked. Lily was worried that it was actually worse than it looked, and that Dean was playing it tough and covering it up, but she didn't say anything. She knew he would just deny it anyway. He grabbed her keys as he headed to the door.

"You coming?"

"I'm driving." She snatched the keys from him, and continued before he could say anything. "I backed off on the cast, but I'm driving. You're gonna hurt yourself, Dean."

"Fine."

They drove to the store Sam had gone to first. Lily waited in the car, and Dean came back out with a newspaper.

"I need my suit," Dean said.

"Why? What's up?" Dean held the newspaper out to her and she read the headline. "You think he's working a case?"

"Maybe."

Back at the cabin, they both changed into suits. Dean was surprised to see Lily in one.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going in with you."

"Did you ever get a badge?"

Lily pulled her fake FBI credentials from her pocket. "After Sam was gone, and you were out, I thought it was a good idea for me to have this. Bobby did it for me."

Dean nodded. "Alright, let's go."

Dean said Sam's next move would have been to check out the dead body, so they went to the morgue. When the medical examiner mentioned the missing pituitary gland, a look of recognition crossed Dean's face. He knew what Sam was after. Lily waited until they were outside, walking to the car.

"What is it?"

"A Kitsune."

Dean told her about the creature. He had hunted one with his dad before.

"What do we do now?" Lily asked.

"Sam would have gotten a room."

"Yeah, but where?"

"Trust me... just keep driving. I'll tell you where."

Lily drove with no destination while Dean called Bobby to fill him in. Dean eventually had her pull into a motel. The Impala wasn't in the parking lot, but Dean was sure Sam had gotten a room there. He went to a room and knocked.

"Dean, how can you be sure he's in this room?"

"We have routines... certain rooms we stay in at motels certain distances from the highway, that kind of stuff. It's partly so we can find each other in emergencies." Dean knocked again.

"But he snuck off. You think he'll follow that?"

"I don't think he's trying to hide. He probably didn't think I'd follow him with my leg." When there was still no answer at the door, Dean pulled out his lock pick. "Keep an eye out."

When they found things on the wall pertaining to the case, they knew they had the right room. Lily walked up behind Dean as he looked everything over. She ran her hand across his shoulders and leaned close to his ear.

"Is it wrong that I'm totally turned on that you were right about this?"

"Are you?" Dean asked as he turned around with a grin on his face.

"You are so good at what you do... it makes me tingle."

"I'm good at other stuff, too," he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I know you are."

Dean kissed her, but she pulled away before it went too far.

"This is your brother's room, and he could be back at any minute."

"Well, why don't you go get us a room while I wait here for Sam?"

"Okay," she said, giving him a quick kiss. "I'll go pick up some food, too. I'm starving."

When Lily got back, Sam was there. She was relieved to see that he was okay. The air was a bit tense in the room, and she knew they had been arguing. Dean had probably chewed Sam out for taking off the way he did.

They all sat and ate. Conversation was sparse. When they were done, Lily cleaned up and she and Dean went to their room after saying goodnight to Sam.

Lily walked into the room first, leaving Dean to close the door. She sat the key on the table before turning back to Dean.

"So, you and..."

She didn't get to finish her sentence. When she turned around, Dean was waiting. He grabbed her and pulled her into a kiss that left no room for doubt of where it was headed. When he finally broke away, he put his hands on her face.

"I told you, once the cast was off... well, it's off."

"Yay," she said with a smile as she kissed him again.

"I have to make up for more than two years."

"If anyone can do it, you can."

Dean continued to kiss her as he unbuttoned her shirt. Once the shirt was open, he stopped to shrug off his top shirt, then he pulled off his t-shirt. Lily's hands immediately went to his chest. Dean slipped out of his shoes, and Lily did the same. He backed Lily toward the bed, and removed her shirt before pulling down the covers and laying her down. He lay on top of her, holding his weight up by leaning on his elbows. He kissed her slowly and deeply before moving down to her neck. Her fingers ran through his hair as he worked his way down to her breasts.

"This is where we left off," he said.

Lily arched her back up off the bed so Dean could reach behind her and unclasp her bra, which he quickly removed. She moaned at the feel of his mouth on her. He payed extra close attention to the area.

"Dean, I need you."

He pulled back to look at her as he reached down to undo her jeans. Sitting back, he pulled them from her legs, then removed his own. He did the same with their underwear.

As he positioned himself above her again, she suddenly felt nervous.

"Dean... just remember, two years."

He kissed her softly and she felt him slowly enter her. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Instead, her breath was stilled as her body trembled. Dean remained motionless, kissing her neck as she adjusted. When the trembling stopped he began to move. He took her to the edge again and followed her over.

They lay there breathing heavily in each other's arms. Lily hadn't felt so satisfied in a long time.

"I missed you," she said.

"I missed you, too, Kitten."


	23. Chapter 23

Lily woke up the next morning with her head on Dean's chest, her leg over his, and his arm over her. She smiled, content to be in his arms. She wrapped her arm around his waist and kissed his chest.

"You tryin' to start something?" Dean asked.

Lily smiled and leaned up on her elbow to look at him. "I didn't realize you were awake."

"So, you were trying to take advantage of me while I slept."

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Fine by me. Keep goin'. I'll pretend to be asleep."

She leaned over and kissed his lips. "I'd rather have you awake."

Dean pulled her on top of him and buried his hands in her hair as they kissed. Lily made her way down his neck, and Dean turned his head to give her room. When he did, he noticed the time on the bedside clock.

"Dammit."

"What's wrong?"

"It's kinda late. I'm surprised Sam hasn't..." Dean's phone rang, and he rolled his eyes. "...called yet."

Lily gave him a quick kiss as she rolled over and reached for her shirt on the floor, but Dean grabbed her arm as he sat up.

"I'm not done with you." He let go of her arm and answered his phone. "What's up?"

Lily lay back down and listened to Dean's side of the call.

"Yeah, I know, we missed breakfast... No, we're not ready... We can head out after lunch. It's not like we have some place to be... Yeah, okay. I'll call him... I'll call him, Sam... Bye."

Dean hung up the phone and placed it on the night stand before turning back to Lily. He lay on his side, propped up on his elbow.

"Bobby wants me to call him."

"For what?"

"Don't know. Probably about how I reacted to Sam taking off."

"So, why aren't you calling him?"

"I'd really rather get back to what we were doin'."

He leaned down to kiss her, but she put a finger to his lips.

"The sooner you call Bobby, the sooner we can pick up where we left off." Dean didn't move away. Instead, he kissed her finger with a wicked grin. "Go call Bobby," she said sternly.

"Move your finger."

"No," she laughed.

"Why not?"

"Because you'll do stuff with that mouth of yours to distract me. Go call the man, then you can distract me all you want."

Dean groaned, but gave in, turning over to grab his phone. Lily took the opportunity to get out of bed and grab Dean's shirt.

"Hey," Dean said, "I told you I'm not done with you."

"Nature calls, Dean."

She stood in full view of him as she buttoned the shirt, and Dean bit his lip.

"The only thing hotter than you putting my shirt on, will be you taking it off."

She winked at him before going into the bathroom. Inside, she stopped and looked in the mirror.

"Goodness!"

It wasn't the most attractive sight. Her hair was all over the place, and her eyes still looked heavy with sleep. As she smoothed her hair out, she smiled. Dean made her feel so beautiful. She would have sworn she had woken up looking like Grace Kelly the way Dean was acting.

When she came out of the bathroom, Dean was standing in the center of the room in his boxers. He quickly finished his phone call with Bobby and kissed her as he walked past.

"I'll be out in a sec."

He disappeared into the bathroom, and Lily stood next to the bed, waiting. When he came out and found her still standing there, he got a little worried.

"You okay?"

Lily simply smiled, folded the sheet down on the bed, and began to slowly unbutton the shirt she had on.  
Dean got the message. He removed his boxers and lay down on his back, never taking his eyes from Lily. She let the shirt slip from her arms and fall to the floor. She placed one knee on the bed, then the other, and slowly made her way to Dean, eventually straddling his hips. She didn't let their bodies make contact. Leaning over, her hands on either side of Dean's shoulders, she kissed him. His hands went to her hips, gently trying to pull her down, but she resisted. He moved his hands to her breasts, and she leaned into him a little. Dean smiled at the reaction, and decided to try another spot. He slowly let his hands glide down her sides, back to her hips, and let one hand drop between her legs.

Lily let out a gasp. "Cheater," she said with a smile.

Dean smiled back before kissing her again. She had been trying to draw it out, but his hand was changing that. She sat up and let her head fall back. Dean removed his hand, and gently pulled Lily's hips to lower her onto him. This time, she obliged. He let her have control for a while before flipping her onto her back.

When he finally lay down on top of her, she kissed his head and ran her fingers through his hair. She wanted so badly to tell him how much she loved him, but she still didn't think it was something he wanted. And after so much time apart, she knew now that she was happier with him around. Even if it was just a casual thing as it had always been.

They checked out of the motel a little before noon. Lily told Dean that he should ride with Sam. She thought they needed more time alone together after what happened. They went to the local Biggerson's, and Sam went in to pick up the food they had called in for.

Lily stayed in the car, and Dean came and leaned into her window to talk until he got a call from Bobby. He walked back to the Impala and leaned against the trunk. When Sam came out, Dean hung up and motioned for Sam to follow him to Lily's car.

"That was Bobby. We'll hole up in Spokane tonight. We'll meet him tomorrow." He looked at Lily. "Just stay close on the road and we'll find a motel for the night."

"You got it."

Lily followed the Impala into the Spokane Swan motel. Sam got out in front of the entrance and Dean drove off. She pulled up next to Sam and rolled the window down.

"Where's he goin'?"

"Medicine refill... he wants us to check in."

"Okay. I'll go park."

Lily got a separate room, hoping Dean would join her again. While she waited for Dean to get back, she decided to go talk to Sam. They sat at a small table in his room.

"So, why'd you take off that way? Dean was really worried about you."

"I left a note."

"Did you really think that would stop him from worrying?"

"No... no, I guess not."

"So, why this case? Why alone?"

"I recognized the way the victims were being killed."

"Yeah, Dean mentioned you guys went after one of these before."

"Not just one of them... this one." Lily's eyebrow went up, and Sam continued. "Well, sort of. When we were working the case then, I met a girl, Amy, and... I liked her. These two guys were harassing her, so I chased them off, and she invited me back to her house. It wasn't until her mom got home and Amy hid me in the closet that I realized her mom was the monster we were after."

"So, Amy was one too."

"Yeah, but she had never killed anyone... until she killed her mom to protect me."

"Wow..."

"Right. I let her go. So, when I saw the paper. I had to go after her. Not Dean or any other hunter. I had to know why she was killing."

"And?"

"She has a son, and he was sick. They had been living off of dead bodies, but when he got sick, he needed..."

"Fresh... I got it."

"Anyway, his fever broke after the last one, and she promises no more killing."

"You let her go again?" Lily seemed surprised.

"Yeah, I did."

"Does Dean know?" Sam just nodded. "How did he react?"

"He was against it, at first, but after we talked he said he would trust me with it."

Lily nodded. She found it odd that Dean would back off, but Sam seemed pretty confident that Dean was really okay with it.

When Dean finally got back he had food. They all sat and ate together, but Lily thought Dean had an air of heaviness about him.

"You okay?"

He seemed a little surprised at her question. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm a little tired, I guess, but I'm fine."

"Your leg okay?"

"My leg is fine. I'm not even limping anymore." He sent a smile her way, and it satisfied her enough to let it go.

They sat and talked for a while, but eventually they were all ready to settle in. Dean decided to join Lily for the night, which didn't surprise Sam. Lily showered first, then waited in bed for Dean. When he crawled under the covers she snuggled close and kissed him. Dean wrapped his arms around her and held her. Lily still felt like something was off.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm just tired," he said. He kissed her forehead and squeezed her tighter. "Let's go to sleep."


	24. Chapter 24

The changes in Dean were obvious. Something was weighing heavily on him. Lily saw it. Sam saw it. Dean was drinking more. If there was any excuse to go to a bar, he used it. Lily and Sam were both worried about him. They never actually mentioned it to each other, but silent glances showed their concern whenever he opened another beer, or downed another shot.

The guys picked up on a case in Michigan, but Lily decided to stay in Whitefish. Bobby needed help with some things, and Lily needed a break from watching Dean spiral. She felt like he was pulling away, and the night he got back to the motel completely wasted and tried to get her into bed... that was what pushed her over the edge. She needed to get her mind off of it for a while.

But he still managed to keep her worried. It turned out that their monster was the Egyptian god, Osiris. He was famous for weighing the guilt in a person's heart. If he found more than a feather's worth, you were dead. Dean, of course, carried guilt that wasn't even warranted, but that didn't matter to Osiris. Guilt was guilt, and Dean was condemned to die. Sam killed Osiris just in time.

Lily met up with the guys in Indiana, and they stayed at her cabin for a few days. Sam told her all about Dean's trial with Osiris. As usual, Dean wouldn't talk about it. Not at first, but there were a few times when it looked like he wanted to talk about it before he walked away. So, Lily took the risk of pressing him for information.

He finally broke one night as they lay in bed together. She was in his arms with her back to him; Dean in his boxers and Lily in a t-shirt and panties.

"Lily, you still awake?"

"Yeah."

"Did, uh... Did Sam tell you about that girl, Amy?"

"The Kitsune he was after?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, he did."

"Everything?"

"Yes... Why?" His questions were starting to worry her a little bit. It wasn't like Dean to beat around the bush. When he didn't answer her right away, she turned in his arms to face him. "What's wrong?"

"I went after her."

"What?" Lily sat up a little in disbelief. "When?"

"While you and Sam were checking into the motel in Spokane."

"Did you find her?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"I told her people can't change what they are... and I killed her."

Lily felt a wave of nausea pass over her. She knew this wouldn't end well. All the scenarios of how this could go played quickly through her head, and they all ended badly. She also thought about Amy's son. The idea of Dean killing a child sickened her the most.

"What about her son?"

She watched as Dean's face fell, and, in that moment, she thought the worst. Dean sat up. "He came into the room right after. I asked him if he had anyone to go to... he said he did. I asked him if he ever killed anyone... he said he hadn't." Dean ran a hand over his mouth. "I walked out of the room, and he went to his mom's body."

Lily understood then what had been weighing so heavily on Dean. He had lied to Sam; gone behind his back and done something he said he wouldn't. And he had taken this boy's mother from him. Dean knew what that felt like. Lily put a hand on Dean's shoulder, wanting to take away the pain she saw in his face.

"No wonder Osiris homed in on you." She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. "You have to tell Sam."

Dean shook his head and pulled away, getting out of bed. "I can't."

"You have to. You don't think Sam can tell something's wrong with you? Your drinking has gotten worse..."

"Oh, you too, huh?"

"What does that mean?"

"Sam already read me the riot act on my drinking, okay."

"Good. You drink too much, your moods have been weird... What's really weird, for you, is that we've only had sex once since it happened, and it felt like you were just going through the motions. You're not yourself lately, Dean. You have to tell him."

"He won't understand."

"Probably not. Honestly, I don't fully understand, either."

Dean looked hurt, and Lily felt a twinge of guilt of her own. She hated seeing him like this, and she hated that her words put that look on his face. He went to his bag and pulled out a pair of jeans. When Lily realized what he was doing she jumped out of the bed and grabbed his arm.

"No, Dean... stay and talk to me, please."

Dean pulled his arm away. "Why? Why should I stay and talk to someone who thinks I'm a terrible person?"

"I never thought that about you! Never!"

"Oh, really?" He threw his jeans back on top of his bag. "You don't think me killing Amy and keeping  
It from Sam was terrible?"

"Okay, let's say for minute that I do think it's terrible... It was a terrible act. It doesn't make you a terrible person! The fact that you feel so guilt-stricken over it is proof of that." Dean's face softened as he looked at the floor. "Dean, this situation isn't so black and white. I'm not saying you were wrong. I'm not saying you were right. And I'm not saying Sam will understand, but you have to tell him."

"Let me ask you... Can you honestly tell me that you don't see me differently now?"

"Dean, I..." She hesitated, unable to put how she felt into words, because it was all so messed up. Dean took her hesitation as confirmation.

"That's what I thought. It won't be long before you start to pull away. That's why you stayed in Whitefish, right? You got tired of my crap?"

Lily got angry. She felt the heat rise up into her face, and the tears sting her eyes. "Don't you dare think you know my feelings. I got tired of watching you hurt yourself! It was hurting me to watch you drink yourself into oblivion! Do you have any idea what it's like to watch the person you love slipping away, and there's nothing you can do about it?"

Dean's eyes shot to hers, and she regretted saying it. It was like she couldn't control it. He had made her so angry that the words just tumbled out. She went to grab her bag, but Dean caught her arm.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Since when?" She wouldn't look at him, so he grabbed her face in both hands and turned her head toward him. "Lily, how long?"

"Does it matter?"

"I wanna know." Dean wanted to know how long he had used this woman for sex and comfort without ever realizing that she was in love with him. Just something else for him to feel guilty over.

"When we got back to Bobby's, after Alistair put you in the hospital."

Dean's hands fell away from her face and he took a step back. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't wanna scare you away. I knew what we had was supposed to be casual, and I'd rather have that than nothing."

"Those years I pushed you away..." It was then that Dean realized why she hadn't slept with anyone else during those years. "After I went off with Lisa... how could you possibly love me?"

"You want me to justify being in love? I won't lie, it hurt. But that should just show you, if I haven't turned my back on you yet, is there anything you could do that would make that happen?"

Dean sat on the edge of the foot of the bed and ran a hand over his face. "I just don't know what to do with this."

"There's nothing to do. Nothing's changed. I'm fine with our relationship as it is." Lily sat next to Dean on the bed. "Just... don't pull away from me."

Dean looked her in the eyes. "You're the best friend I ever had... I'm not letting you go again."

He put a hand at the back of Lily's neck, and she closed her eyes. Her breath caught when she felt his lips on hers, and her hands went to his face. He pulled her into his lap so that she was straddling him as they kissed. His hands massaged her bare thighs before moving up to pull her shirt off. He stood with her in his arms, and turned to lay her on the bed. He slowly removed her underwear, then his, before crawling over her as she scooted up on the bed. He hesitated, and she could see a conflict in his eyes.

"You don't have to tell me you love me, Dean. It wouldn't be true... just be with me. That's all I'm asking for."

Dean kissed her, and the doubt and guilt faded for a while as they fell into passion. That didn't stop him from having nightmares that night; about Castiel setting the Leviathans loose, Sam's hallucinations, and him killing Amy.

The next morning, Dean sat at the kitchen table with Lily's laptop and a glass of whiskey while Lily made breakfast. Sam had gone running, and that seemed to piss Dean off for some strange reason. Dean had been searching for strange deaths, and he found two in the same town, Prosperity, Indiana. Sam said it was worth checking out, then finally asked Dean what was going on, and it nearly started an argument. Lily kept her mouth shut. It wasn't her place.

As they packed to leave, Lily pulled Dean aside.

"I'm gonna stay behind on this one," she said.

"What? Why?"

"You have to talk to your brother."

"Lily..."

"I'm serious, Dean. This is starting to come between the two of you."

"We're fine."

"No, you're not. You're already lying to him, don't lie to yourself, too." It was harsh, and she knew it, but she had to get him to tell Sam. "You come swing back here when the job is over. I'll be waiting."

Dean found himself amazed, once again, by the woman before him. He kissed her deeply before getting back to his packing. He and Sam were soon on the road, and as much as Lily's words played through Dean's head, he was still determined not to tell Sam about Amy.


	25. Chapter 25

Lily was still at her cabin in Indiana, helping Bobby with research. She preferred research most days. It was safer. More comfortable. She sometimes liked the thrill of hunting, but lately she just wanted a distraction from everything else going on. Research was great for that.

She was doing some reading when her phone rang. She checked the caller I.D. and smiled when she saw it was Dean.

"Hello?" she answered.

"I won't be making it back your way."

"Why not? Are you okay?"

"We caught a leviathan."

"You caught one? How did you manage that?"

"The thing was about to kill us when a witch came in and put a spell on it. It only lasts for a few days, so we're taking it back to the cabin in Whitefish to work on it."

"Did you say a witch?" Lily was confused. Witches and a leviathan in the same night seemed odd, to say the least.

"Yeah... long story."

"Okay, well, I'll head over."

"No, I don't want you there."

"What?"

"These things don't know who you are. I wanna keep it that way."

"Are you actually doing this to me again?"

"No, I'm not. This is just for a few days. If I can get to you without being followed, I will. I promise, I'm not cutting you out."

Lily closed her eyes and let out a breath. "Be careful, okay?"

"You know us."

"Yes, I do. That's why I'm asking you to be careful."

Dean smiled. "We will."

"I love you."

Lily hung up before Dean could respond. She didn't want him saying it in return just to keep from hurting her feelings, or because he didn't know what else to say, but she felt like she had to say it. She needed him to know it. He needed to know that she was always there for him, especially now with everything going on, and the big secret he was harboring. She had a gut feeling that he still hasn't told Sam about Amy.

A couple days later she turned on her television to take a break. The sight of Sam and Dean with machine guns on the news stopped her cold. She called both of their phones, repeatedly, but got no answer. She finally called Bobby and got the scoop. The guys were cloned by a couple of leviathans who were trying to draw them out and get them arrested. He had the one they caught in the basement, but he still hadn't found a way to kill it. She told Bobby to have Dean call her if he had the chance.

She jumped for the phone every time it rang. This time, it was Bobby again. With the help of Sheriff Mills, he finally found something that hurt leviathans.

"Round up all your cleanin' supplies. Look for anything that says 'borax.' Douse 'em, then chop off the heads. And keep the heads away from bodies... they have a tendency to reattach."

"Got it. Hey Bobby?"

"Yeah?"

"How are they?"

Bobby cringed. "I was hopin' you wouldn't ask."

"Well, that's not promising." Lily closed her eyes, preparing for the bad news.

"They got arrested in Iowa."

"Do they know about the borax?"

"Yeah, I talked to Dean. Must have been his one phone call."

"Well, that's something, I guess." Her voice was surprisingly calm, even to herself.

"You sound like you're takin' this better than I expected."

"Yeah, I guess I am. It's not like I don't know the risks of the job, but this leviathan thing is crazy."

"You're preachin' to the choir."

"Between that and Dean, I'm just worn out."

"Why Dean? What'd he do now?"

"Nothing... he's just been a bit off lately. He's drinking a lot."

"I noticed."

"See..."

"Any idea what's got him out of sorts?"

Lily wanted to slap herself for even bringing it up. She didn't want to lie to Bobby, but she had no choice. It wasn't her secret to tell. "No... I wish I knew."

"I don't know why you bother. It's not like you're stuck with him... or any of us, for that matter."

"You've said it yourself: family don't end with blood. You've all been there for me when I needed you."

Bobby grinned. This girl was definitely one of the gang. "Not to mention that whole love thing, right?"

"Watch it, old man." She heard him chuckle, which was a rare sound. "About that, though... I told him."

"And?"

"And, now he knows."

"No 'I love you, too?'"

"No."

Bobby sighed. "You know he cares about you, kid."

"I know he does. I just don't think he loves me like I love him. But that's okay. I'll take what I can get."

The sun set the next night, and Lily still hadn't heard from Dean. She was surprised to hear her doorbell. She carefully crept to the door and looked through the peephole. Dean. She knew that he and Sam had taken care of their clones, but she had to be careful. Would the leviathans try to clone them again? Lily grabbed the bucket of borax she now kept by the door, one of many well-placed containers, and flung the door open, dousing the man in front of her.

Dean took a step back as the liquid hit him. He ran a hand over his face, trying to wipe it away as he slowly blinked.

"I'm not a leviathan."

"Sorry. That'll teach you to call when people ask you to."

"I needed some time to think."

Lily looked behind him to the car parked outside. "Where's the Impala?"

"I had to tuck her away for a while. Those sons-of-bitches were driving around in a car just like mine."

"Where's Sam?"

"Sam..." Dean lowered his head and smiled a sad smile. "Sam doesn't wanna be anywhere near me right now."

"He found out." Lily didn't even need to ask. She knew Dean wasn't the one who told him. "Come in. Go get cleaned up. I'll fix you something to eat."

When Dean got out of the shower, he looked tired. Lily had a sandwich ready for him. They sat at the kitchen table and talked, Lily sitting right next to him.

"How did he find out?" she asked.

"I think Leviathan-me told him."

"How did it know?"

"Apparently they work like shifters... once they turn into you they can download all your thoughts and memories."

Lily put her hand on Dean's arm. "I'm sorry."

Dean put his hand on top of Lily's. "You were right. I should have told him."

"Well, you can't go back, so what are you gonna do now?"

"I'll let him cool off." Dean lifted her hand from his arm and held it, his eyes focused on their fingers. "I feel like my life is falling apart. Everything that's happened with Sam, everything with Cas... Now this. Even my car is on lockdown." He looked into Lily's eyes, with a tired smile. "You... you are the only good thing in my life right now."

Lily reached out and ran her hand across his cheek. When he closed his eyes, she leaned in to hug him. Her arms wrapped around him, and she felt him exhale before he put his arms around her.

"You seem exhausted," she said.

"I am."

Lily stood from her chair and lightly tugged on Dean's hand. "Come on." She held onto his hand as he stood and followed her to the bedroom. Dean lay down in her arms, and she ran her fingers through his hair until he fell asleep.


	26. Chapter 26

Lily woke up alone the next morning. She took a quick glance around the room and toward the bathroom. The light was off. No Dean. She ran a hand through her hair as she sat up. She hadn't expected Dean to leave. At least, not without saying goodbye. Not now that he knew how she felt. She got out of bed, and as she opened the bedroom door the smell of food hit her. She stopped, completely taken off guard, before she continued into the kitchen, where she found Dean at the stove.

Dean saw movement out of the corner of his eye and looked up. When he saw Lily, he smiled. "Good morning."

"Good morning. What's this?"

"Breakfast."

"Since when do you cook?"

"I've always cooked. Just never really get the opportunity. You like your eggs scrambled, right?"

Lily nodded and sat at the bar, and Dean turned back to the stove. She took that opportunity to bring up his absence from the bed. "When I woke up, I thought you had left."

Dean sat an empty plate in front of her, and the seat next to her. "Why would I leave without saying goodbye?"

"We've both done it before."

"It was different then."

"Yeah, it was."

Dean placed bacon and sausage on their plates before returning back to the stove for the eggs. He scooped some out for both of them, then sat next to her as they ate. When they were finished, they stood together at the sink. Lily washed, while Dean dried, the dishes. She could tell that he was preoccupied. Probably worried about where Sam was and what he was doing. She figured it would be best to get him to talk about it.

"Where do you think Sam is?"

"Probably trying to dig up a case to keep from thinking about Amy. He'll wanna keep busy."

"What about you? You wanna find a case to keep busy?"

"Maybe in a day or two." He looked at Lily and smiled, leaning back against the counter as he dried a plate. "I can think of other ways to keep busy."

"Really?" she asked, with a grin on her face. "Such as?" She knew the answer. She liked the answer.

Dean sat the dish he was drying in the drain board and walked behind Lily, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Such as..." He kissed her neck and moved his hands to rest on her hips.

Lily put down the dish she was holding and rinsed her hands before turning off the water. She held on to the edge of the sink as Dean kissed her neck. After a moment, she dried her hands and turned to face him.

"No one here to walk in on us this time," she said as she pulled him over, away from the sink. She lifted herself up onto the counter and pulled him closer. Dean's hands went into her hair, pulling her into a passionate kiss. When they broke for air, Lily began tugging at his t-shirt, but Dean grabbed her hands. She looked up to find him staring into her eyes, with an expression on his face that she couldn't quite read. He took a step back before gently pulling her from the counter, putting her back on her feet. She was just beginning to wonder if something was wrong when he pulled her closer, one hand on her hip and the other at her face. He kept his eyes locked on hers until their lips touched. It was so soft and gentle, but deeply passionate. He stopped their kiss just long enough to scoop her up into his arms, and he carried her back into the bedroom.

They slowly removed each other's clothes as they continued to kiss standing next to the bed. When Dean removed her last piece of clothing, he stared into her eyes, his hand caressing her face. She stared back, almost trying to read his mind. Dean was always a gentle lover, but something was different here.

"Lily..." He hesitated, and his other hand came up to her face. His eyes still staring deep into hers. His lips were suddenly on hers again, and he laid her down on the already unmade bed. Dean kissed her neck as his hands explored her body. When he finally took her, his eyes were once again locked on hers. He watched every time she closed her eyes, every time her mouth opened as if to make some sound, every time she looked down to try to watch them moving together. He took it all in as they reached that peak together, then he kissed her as their bodies trembled. Slowly. Deeply. His hand on her face as he hovered over her. When they finally broke apart to catch their breath, Lily found him staring down at her again. Nothing could have prepared her for the words he spoke.

"I love you."

Lily felt her eyes grow wider, and her chest tighten with emotion. "You..."

"... love you." Dean's expression was serious, but soft, with just a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "You heard me."

"I don't think I did," she said with a grin on her face.

Dean smiled as he leaned in to kiss her again. He whispered, "I love you," just before capturing her lips.

Lily was soaring. She never dreamed she would ever hear those words from Dean Winchester. Her hands ran through his hair as they kissed. She never wanted to stop. She wanted to be in this man's arms forever. With her hands on his face, she whispered, "Make love to me."

"Isn't that what I just did?" Dean was smiling from ear to ear, feeling happier than he had been in a long while.

"Do it again."

Dean lightly kissed her lips, then moved to her neck for a moment before kissing his way down her entire body. His head disappeared beneath the sheet and Lily's back arched completely off of the bed when she felt his mouth on her. Dean pulled the sheet back to watch her enjoy it before he made his way back up her body and took her again.

They lay in each other's arms, hands roaming as they kissed. They spent the next week and a half enjoying each other, and enjoying being in love.


	27. Chapter 27

Dean heard about a couple of deaths in Lily Dale, New York and was ready to hit the road. What caught his attention was the fact that both victims were psychics. Dean and Lily were at a motel in Rhode Island, where a potential case turned out to be nothing. They packed and climbed into her car. She let Dean drive. Dean missed his car, and if he wasn't focused on driving he would pout the entire time. And there was an upside to letting Dean drive: she could focus on him. Though, the bench seat in the Impala would have made it a lot easier. She would have loved to sit right next to him, but the middle console in her car made that impossible. She found ways to keep physical contact. She held his hand, laid her head on his shoulder, rested her hand on his thigh. Dean told her she should keep her hands to herself, that she was asking for trouble. She told him to bring it on.

Their first stop in Lily Dale was to a motel to change into their suits. Their next stop was the scene of the latest murder. Dean looked like a kid in a candy store, going around the room checking out all of the fake psychic tricks. When they were done at the scene, they decided to get something to eat. They found a local restaurant nearby, but Dean almost left when the host told him that he would get a free affirmation with his meal. It was hearing a familiar voice that made him stay. He turned and looked into the crowd. Lily followed his stare and saw Sam sitting a table.

Dean walked straight over to Sam's table. Lily hesitated, but took just a few quick steps to catch up to Dean. He sat down and started talking as if nothing had happened between him and Sam. Sam, on the other hand, looked extremely angry. He barely looked at Dean, and he avoided eye contact with Lily, not wanting to direct his anger toward her. Dean rambled on about the case until the waiter came to the table.

He took Lily's order, and smiled. "You are a goddess of beauty and elegance."

"Thank you," Lily said with a smile, trying very hard to suppress her laughter.

Lily turned to Dean to see him looking at the waiter with his eyebrows furrowed. He gave the waiter his order, and the man smiled once again.

"You are a virile manifestation of the divine."

Dean's eyes widened, and Lily couldn't help but laugh. "You have no idea how true that is," she said to the waiter before he turned to leave.

"What the hell did he say to me?"

Lily smiled and leaned to whisper in his ear. "Basically, he said you're a manly, powerful, sex god."

Dean pulled back and smiled at her. "I like the way you say it. It's creepy coming from him."

Sam scoffed, and Dean finally got him to start talking. He eventually convinced Sam that they should work together to solve the case and stop wherever was going on before someone else died. Unfortunately, two more people died before they found the cause of it all.

When they were ready to leave town, Dean was surprised to see Sam putting his bag into Lily's trunk. Lily could tell the guys needed to talk, so she walked down the street a little to call Bobby. Dean came over to her a couple of minutes later.

"You ready?" he asked, his hand lightly touching her shoulder.

Lily held up a finger and mouthed "one minute." She ended her conversation with Bobby and picked up her phone.

"Ready," she said to Dean. "How are you two?" She motioned to Sam with her head.

"I think we're okay."

"Really?"

Dean nodded, "Really."

They decided to head back to Lily's cabin. Dean drove, and Lily let Sam ride shotgun.

"Now that we're okay again," Sam said to Dean, "I was thinking about our annual trip to Vegas."

A wide smile spread across Dean's face. "Oh yeah! So much has been goin' on, I almost forgot." He glanced into the rearview mirror and saw Lily smiling back at him. "But, uh, maybe we should put it off this year."

"What? Dean, you're always stoked to hit Vegas."

"Yeah, but we don't usually have leviathan hot on our trail."

"You two should definitely go," Lily said from the back seat. "I think it would do you both good."

Dean grinned. "Alright, I'll head that way at the next exit."

"Woah," Lily said, "this is your thing. I'm not going. You can drop me off at home."

"You want us to take your car?" Dean asked.

"I have my van if I need it."

"Lily," Sam said, "are you sure? You're more than welcome to come."

"I'm sure, but thanks."

They decided to bunk at Lily's for the night and head out early the next morning. As Lily unmade the bed, Dean walked up behind her and put his arms around her.

"You really okay with this Vegas trip?"

"Dean, it's tradition... and I really do think it will be good for you two right now."

Dean kissed her neck and squeezed her tighter. "Have I told you how awesome you are?"

"Not lately," she said, covering his arms with her own.

"Well, you're awesome. I just hope I can figure out a way to stay entertained on this trip."

"What do normally do when you hit Vegas?" She turned to face him, still in his arms.

"I, uh... well, nothing that I should be doing with you waiting at home."

"Really?" Lily couldn't hide the smile on her face. "How do I factor in?"

"Aw, come on, Lily. I told you how I feel."

"Yeah, but we never really discussed if we're... 'going steady.'"

She put the phrase in finger quotes, and Dean laughed. "Really? Going  
steady?" Lily just shrugged. She had a wide grin on her face that made Dean smile. "You know I don't do the sharing and caring thing well," Dean said. Lily nodded. "Well, when I said those words to you, I meant it. All in. Just me and you from now on. I'd say that's pretty steady." He smiled at Lily, and she leaned up to kiss him lightly on the lips. "That doesn't answer my question of what to do in Vegas."

"Most people go to gamble, Dean. You're good at that, right?"

"I'm more of a hustler than a gambler."

"Let Sam pick the itinerary. The point is for you two to reconnect, anyway. Do stuff he likes."

"I guess that could work." Dean looked down at Lily with a sly grin. "What if Sam wants to go to a strip bar?"

"Then go... just leave the girls there when you leave."

"You really are awesome."

"I know."

Dean held Lily tight as he kissed her and laid her down on the bed. They made love before falling asleep in each others' arms. Lily was awakened the next morning by soft kisses and the sound of Dean's voice calling her name. She slowly opened her eyes and found Dean smiling at her.

"Mornin', Kitten."

"Mornin', Tiger."

"Sam and I are takin' off, okay?"

"Okay. Be safe."

He leaned down and kissed her again. "We will."

Lily got a call from Dean a few days later. Sam had gone missing for a while, but turned up soon after at a wedding chapel with Becky Rosen, a super-fan of the Supernatural book series.

"They actually got married!"

"Dean, you have to be missing something here. Sam wouldn't just run off and get married."

"I saw the whole thing, Lily. I was the best man. They're married."

"Do you want me to come out there?"

"I would love it if you were here," Dean said with a sigh, "but I already put a call into Bobby. He's a little closer if he can leave right away."

"What are you gonna go?"

Dean rubbed his forehead. "I have no idea."

Dean called again late that night.

"Did I wake you?"

"Nope. How's Sam?"

"He's fine, now."

"So, what was it?"

"A demon gave Becky a love potion. It's been a long day. Oh... and Bobby had me working with this guy. He overheard me telling Sam I was gonna call you and he told me to tell you that 'sweet cheeks' says hello."

"You worked with Garth?" Lily couldn't suppress her laughter. "Oh, you must have loved that. You didn't kill him, did you?"

"Surprisingly, no. What's with this 'sweet cheeks' stuff?"

"I worked some cases with Garth the year you were out. He's a sweet guy. We called each other 'sweet cheeks,'" Lily said with a smile.

"I don't know if I like the idea of my girl flirting with another hunter."

"Oh, please. Garth is harmless."

"No man is harmless if the opportunity presents itself. Especially with a woman as sexy as you."

"While I appreciate the compliment, Garth is different. Trust me. If you get to know him you'll agree with me."

"Yeah, well..."

Lily could tell Dean was done talking about Garth, so she changed the subject. "You two staying in Vegas?"

"Hell, no! Worse Vegas trip ever. We're headin' to the cabin in Whitefish. Actually, you should probably catch a flight out. I think Bobby wants to get back on the leviathan trail."

"No problem. I'll see you guys there."


	28. Chapter 28

Lily made it to the cabin in Whitefish about an hour after the guys did. When she walked in, Dean was stretched out on the sofa. He looked up at her and smiled, but didn't make a move toward her. She realized then that they hadn't discussed what they would be telling Sam or Bobby about their new relationship status. Just in case he wasn't ready to share, Lily would play it cool. She placed her overnight bag by the door.

"Where's Bobby?"

"On his way," Dean said. "He had to finish up with a nest in Oregon. He should be here soon."

Lily nodded and bounced on her toes a bit where she stood. "Okay, well, I think I'm gonna go sit out back for a while before it gets dark."

Dean stood as she walked past him. "I'll come with you."

He followed Lily out back and they walked away from the windows. She smiled as she turned to him and slowly put her arms around his neck.

"I have a question," she said.

Dean placed his hands on her waist and pulled her closer. He gently kissed her before responding.

"What's the question?"

"Are we telling Sam and Bobby about the change in our relationship, or are we keeping it just between us?"

A serious look came over Dean's face. "I've actually been thinking about that. I'm not so much worried about Bobby, but Sam."

"You think it would upset him?"

"No, I think he'd be happy for us, but I think it would make him hide things."

"Why?"

"He wouldn't wanna bring us down. If things got really bad with his hallucinations..."

Dean didn't continue, but Lily knew what he was saying. She nodded. "Okay. So, we keep it to ourselves for a while."

"Good news is, they already know we hook up and flirt and stuff, so we don't have to hide it completely." He grinned and wrapped his arms around her.

"That's good, because I don't think I can be around you and keep my hands to myself."

Dean kissed her. His hands began to roam, and Lily hooked one of her legs around Dean's.

"I missed you, Kitten."

"I missed you, too."

They were getting pretty hot and heavy when Bobby walked out.

"Break it up, you two. We got stuff to do."

Dean looked up, but wouldn't let Lily out of his arms. "Can't blame a guy for tryin'."

Bobby walked back inside, and Dean gave Lily one last quick kiss before letting her go and following Bobby. Lily was right behind him, and Bobby started talking as soon as they were in.

"We have to keep movin'. The leviathan may know about this cabin, and we need to start trackin' 'em... find out what they're up to."

"Sounds like a plan," Dean said.

Bobby looked at Lily. "I'm thinking you should sit this out."

"Excuse me?"

"We have to go off the grid, here. No credit cards. We can't carry a ton of cash, so we won't be stayin' in motel rooms. We'll be squattin' in abandoned houses. It's gonna get rough."

"I think I can handle it."

Bobby looked at Dean. "You wanna help me out?"

Dean put his hands up, "Hey, I learned my lesson. I don't tell her to sit out anymore."

Lily smiled at Dean, then directed her attention back at Bobby. "When do we head out?" When Bobby just stared at her, she kept going. "I have my own car. I'll just follow you."

"Stubborn," Bobby mumbled under his breath. "Alright, we're leavin' in the mornin'. We've all just done a lot of travelin', and we're about to do a lot more. Get rest."

Dean and Lily headed off to bed early. They knew they needed their rest, but they also knew they hadn't been alone together in several days, and they would end up doing stuff to interrupt that rest. As Lily unmade the bed in the small room, Dean climbed in.

"You sure about tagging along?"

"What happened to learning your lesson?" She put her hands on her hips and stared at him.

"I'm not telling you to sit out. I'm not even asking you to. Just asking if you're sure."

Lily climbed under the covers and moved close to Dean. "I'm sure. Your fight is my fight. We do this stuff together."

"Okay." Dean kissed her and laid her back onto the bed. He took one of her hands in his, laced their fingers together and pressed her hand into the mattress. His other hand began to slide up under her shirt. "Why do we even bother to wear clothes to bed?" he asked, kissing her neck.

"I have no idea." Lily closed her eyes as she ran her fingers through Dean's hair.

"It slows me down."

"Stupid clothes."

The next few weeks were rough. Most of the time they had no electricity. The places they stayed were dark and filthy. But Lily refused to complain, even when she started feeling sick. Dean was doing enough complaining for both of them. He and Sam had basically tried to jump start the electrical box on their newest place. It lasted less than five minutes.

Lily and Dean sat on a sofa that had been left behind as Sam discussed the case that brought them to the area. She was a bit distracted by the nauseous feeling she had. Dean noticed and leaned into her.

"You feelin' okay?"

"I'm a bit queasy." She turned her head to look at him, hesitated, then ran out of the room.

Dean stood and moved to follow her until he heard her heaving. The three men looked in the direction of the sound, then Sam and Bobby looked to Dean.

"She said she was queasy... I guess she's sick."

"Think so, genius?" Bobby said sarcastically.

"The way we been livin', I'm not all that surprised," Dean said.

A moment later, Lily came back into the room.

"How ya feelin', kid?"

"Still a little queasy, but..." She threw her hand up to her mouth as she ran from the room again. She was gone longer, making sure she was done. When she got back into the room, the guys were all lying down on the floor in their sleeping bags. She and Dean had been keeping their space, never able to find time to be alone, but Dean had put their bags close together. He waved her over.

"Lie down... come on."

"Think I'll stay on top, just in case."

When she lay down, Dean put his hand to her face, feeling her cheek and her forehead.

"Doesn't feel like you have a fever."

Lily smiled. "You playin' doctor?"

Dean returned the smile. "Sam and I are gonna go talk to the authorities tomorrow... See what we can come up with. Bobby's gonna go check out the body. We were thinking you'd go with him, but if you're feeling this sick..."

"No... no dead bodies for me. I think I'll hit a local clinic tomorrow. I can't be on my toes if I'm constantly looking for a place to hurl."

Dean and Sam dropped her off the next morning on their way to meet with Ranger Evans. She waited over two hours before seeing a doctor. After a few swabs and tests, the doctor came back into the room reading Lily's folder.

"Well, the good news is that you're not sick," the doctor said, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I've got a toilet that might argue against that."

"You're pregnant."

Lily went numb. She could feel the color drain from her face. "What?" she whispered.

The doctor walked to Lily and put her hand on her shoulder. "Well, I can tell by the look on your face that this isn't exactly good news for you. We do have the capability here to terminate..."

"No. No way." Lily shook her head, staring at the wall across the room.

"Okay. Is there someone you need to call?"

"Uh... no. Not right now. No. I just need to figure out how to tell the father."

"I can give you the number to a counselor, if you need to talk to someone."

Lily finally looked up at the doctor and gave a weak smile. "Thanks, but I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

The doctor smiled and nodded. "Take a few minutes here if you need to. Just bring this folder to the check out desk when you're ready."

Lily nodded. After the doctor left the room, Lily sat on the exam table with her head in her hands. How could they let this happen? How would she tell Dean? What would they do with a baby?


	29. Chapter 29

Lily didn't want to wait around the clinic. She walked until she found a bench. When the bus pulled up, she decided to get on. She rode a few blocks until she saw a park. It was a nice day, so decided to sit outside for a while. She got off the bus and walked to the park. She found a bench close to a swing set and watched the kids play for a few minutes before it became too much. She couldn't handle the idea of kids right now. She walked to a bench a little out of the way, tucked into some bushes. That was a better place to think.

Lily sat on that bench for about half an hour before her phone rang. She checked the caller ID. Dean.

"Hello?"

"Hey. We're coming to pick you up and bring you back, but we're gonna have to head back out."

"That's fine, but I'm not at the clinic."

"Where are you?"

"I went to a park nearby. I thought the fresh air would do me some good."

"Okay, we'll find you. Just hang tight. We're on our way."

Dean called her when he found the park and she made her way to the car. Her mind was racing. He saw her face as she got closer and he was worried. He told Sam to drive and they both got out of the car. Sam went over to the driver's seat. Dean jogged over to Lily.

"Are you okay? You look like you got some bad news."

"No, I'm okay. Just nauseous."

He opened the backseat door for her then went around to the other side and climbed in next to her.

"What did the doctor say?"

She had made up her mind before he called. She couldn't hesitate. "Stomach bug. It just has to pass. Good news is it's not contagious."

"At least it's nothing serious. You sure you don't wanna go home to Indiana?"

"Dean..."

"I'm just saying, you're sick. It would be a whole lot better if you had electricity and hot, running water."

She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "I'll be better as long as I have you."

Dean pulled her into his arms and held her all the way back to their temporary home. Bobby was already there and had everything ready for the guys to head out again. Dean snuck a quick kiss goodbye, and they were gone. Lily sat down on the sofa and let a hand linger on her stomach.

"After the case is over," she whispered to the empty room. "I'll tell him. He'll ship me back to Indiana, but I'll tell him."

The guys came back later with a dead body. Sam warned her to stay out of the room, that it wasn't a pretty sight. She took his word for it. She smiled when Dean came in.

"How you feelin'?"

Her eyebrows scrunched together when she took a good look at him. "Not too bad. How about you? You look tired."

He plopped down next to her on the sofa. "I'm fine. You?" Lily just gave him a funny look. "I'm hungry," Dean said. "You hungry?" He got up and went back into the other room, leaving a very confused Lily. She followed him into the next room, but soon ran out after seeing the body that Sam and Bobby were cutting into.

"I warned her," Sam said.

The guys finished up with the body and decided to go out to get some food. With the body gone, Lily was feeling better, so she decided to go too. It was while they were at Biggerson's that Sam realized something was wrong with the sandwich Dean, and most everyone else in town, was eating. They got it wrapped up to go and took it back to the house. They stared at it for a while as they talked, and the sandwich eventually belched out a grey goo.

"I think you pissed off my sandwich," Dean said.

"That's disgusting," Lily said, fighting back the urge to vomit.

They decided to go back to Biggerson's and do some surveillance. Bobby had brought his van along on the trip, and they used it now. Dean was sleeping off his sandwich in the back, with Lily sitting next to him. Sam brought up the way Dean had been acting. Not just since the sandwich. Lily had to admit, if only to herself, that even since they admitted their love for each other, Dean was still drinking a little more than usual. Bobby eventually brought up Sam's hallucinations, and Lily realized that Dean was right. Sam would hide any problems he was having if he thought it would interfere with Dean's happiness. He was probably already hiding the extent of his problems, not wanting to add to whatever Dean was going through.

A meat delivery truck finally pulled in and dropped off some cartons. Bobby suggested they follow the truck back to wherever it came from. When they did, they found leviathan, including Edgar. It seemed that even a car being dropped on them wouldn't kill the leviathan. They watched as their waiter from Biggerson's was led into the building with a bag over his head.

They stayed and kept watch through the night and into the morning. Sam and Lily did a walk around the perimeter. As they walked back to the van, they saw long cars driving up. They jogged the rest of the way to the van and climbed in, pointing out the new cars. Dick Roman, one of the most powerful men in the country, stepped out of one.

Bobby decided they needed more information and pulled out some listening equipment, loaned to him by Frank Devereaux. Lily moved to follow him out of the van, but he stopped.

"Where you think you goin'?"

"With you."

"No you ain't. I have to stay in one place. I can hide better alone."

"Bobby..."

"Look, kid, I let you come along, you gotta let me go. I can't be worried about you out there."

Lily sat back in her seat, "Fine, but I don't like it."

"Nobody asked you to like it."

Bobby made his way to the roof and called Dean. He gave them a play by play of what he saw and heard. He had just told them that Dick Roman made the doctor eat himself when he suddenly stopped talking. Dean called his name, but they got no response.

"Let's go," Dean said. He and Sam opened their doors and Lily moved to climb out behind them. "You stay."

"What?"

"Get in the driver's seat and leave the engine running. We'll likely need a fast get away."

Lily nodded and sat behind the wheel. As Dean turned to go, Lily got a sinking feeling in her stomach, and it wasn't the nausea.

"Dean..."

"Huh?"

"Bring him back."

"We will."

She grabbed his hand. "Be careful."

"We'll do our best."

"I love you," she whispered.

The urgency slipped from Dean's face for a moment. He put his hand to her cheek and kissed her. "I love you, too."

She held his hand as he walked away, until it slipped from her own.

She waited, getting more and more nervous as the sun began to set. She got excited when she finally rsaw Sam and Dean run out of the building. She pulled out and went straight for them. As she got closer, she saw that Bobby wasn't with them. She stopped the van and they jumped in.

"Where's Bobby?!"

"He was right behind us!" Dean yelled. Sam climbed in the passenger seat, and Dean yelled when he saw Bobby run from the building. Dick Roman wasn't far behind, and he had a gun.

"Bobby, come on!"

He moved aside, between Lily and Sam, as Bobby jumped in, "Go, go!"

Lily peeled out and they all breathed a sigh of relief, until Dean turned to Bobby and found a bullet hole in his hat.

"Bobby?"

Sam turned and called out, "Bobby?"

Lily couldn't turn to look. "What's going on?"

"Get to a hospital!" Dean yelled. "Now!"

Lily pressed the accelerator into the floor. "What's wrong?!"

Sam held up Bobby's hat for Lily to see, and all she wanted to do was cry.


	30. Chapter 30

Sam and Dean walked behind the hospital staff as they wheeled Bobby in. Lily was just a few steps behind Dean. As the doctor began to work on Bobby, he ordered them out of the room. The nurse pushed them back and said they had to get him stabilized before they could even attempt to get the bullet out. She went back and closed the curtain, shutting them out. Lily grabbed Dean's hand and squeezed. He turned his head and looked at her as she stared at the curtain. Tears filled her eyes. Dean pulled her to him, and wrapped his arms around her.

"He's gonna be fine," he whispered.

It was some time later when the doctor came to talk to them. He didn't seem optimistic, and explained that, while there were some good things, he didn't want to give them false hope. Lily just sat and listened, still sort of in shock. When the doctor left, another man walked up behind them and asked if they were Bobby's next of kin. Dean moved to follow the man into the main hall. Lily stood and followed them through a glass door, but Dean stopped her, taking her hand.

"Just wait here, okay?"

Lily nodded and watched Dean walk down the hall. She didn't take her eyes from him. She didn't want to be separated from him. Bobby was most likely dying in the other room. It could have been Dean. He had just moved from the van door when Bobby got in. Not that she rathered it be Bobby, but her mind and emotions were all over the place, and part of her just didn't want to let Dean out of her sight.

She watched as Dean became visibly angry with the man, and he began shouting. She started waking toward him when he reached back and let his fist fly. She stopped, eyes wide. He didn't punch the man, but the glass casing on the wall just next to his head. Lily noticed the receptionist nearby quickly pick up the phone, probably to call security. She ran over to the desk.

"Please don't call security. I'll handle it, okay? Please. He's upset that his uncle is dying... Please."

The nurse nodded and hung up the phone. "Take him outside."

Lily quickly went to Dean who was already headed out the doors. Once outside, she grabbed his hand.

"Talk to me," she said. Dean just pulled her into a tight embrace. "Dean, what happened?"

"Bastard was asking about donating Bobby's organs."

Lily closed her eyes and laid her head against Dean. She knew he was grieving. Bobby was still alive, but Dean was already grieving. He had lost so much already in his life. The idea of losing Bobby now was killing him.

She felt Dean's body tense, and looked up. His eyes were on a car parked just in front of the hospital.

"Stay here," Dean said. There was something in his voice that glued Lily to the spot where she stood. He jogged down the short flight of concrete steps. "Dick! I know you're in there." He pounded on the dark, rear window of the car. Lily grew angry when the window rolled down, and Dick Roman's face appeared. She couldn't hear what was being said unless Dean yelled, but she could see the smarmy smile on Roman's face, and she wanted nothing more than to remove it. At one point, Dean turned back to look at her. She saw worry on his face, but it quickly changed to anger before he turned his attention back to Roman. It felt like forever before Dean came back up the steps. He grabbed Lily's hand and practically dragged her back into the hospital.

"Dean, wait!" He stopped walking and turned to her, but avoided eye contact. "What happened?" Dean made a move to walk away, but Lily held tight to his hand. "Why is he here?"

"Just to taunt us."

"Why did you look back at me that way?"

Dean finally made eye contact with her. "He saw us together... and he made a point to let me know that he knows who you are now. Made a not-so-veiled threat." Lily didn't know what to say. She just stared at him. Dean put a hand to her face. "I'm not gonna let him touch you. I promise you that."

"Just don't push me away, Dean."

"I'm not letting you out of my sight."

He kissed her before they walked back to wait with Sam. Lily sat and listened as Sam filled them in. Bobby was breathing on his own, but the doctor was still hesitant to try to remove the bullet. Sam pulled Dean aside and tried to get him to accept the fact that Bobby might not make it, but Dean refused. He paused for just a moment before leaving the area again. Lily wanted to follow, but she knew Dean needed some time alone to process. Sam sat next to her and pushed his thumb against his injured hand. Lily saw and put a hand on his arm. He responded with a small smile, and covered her hand with his.

Hours went by as they waited, until Sam overheard the nurse as she passed, and he stopped her. She told them they were getting ready to prep Bobby to remove the bullet, because he was showing signs of being responsive. They could go see him if they were quick.

They filed in next to his bed: Sam, Dean, then Lily. Sam took Bobby's hand and told him thank you. Just as they turned to leave, Bobby reached up and opened his eyes. He tried to speak, but Dean told him not to, grabbing the clipboard and pen from the foot of the bed. Bobby wrote some numbers on the palm of Sam's hand. He was breathing heavily, but he managed to smile.

"Idjits."

They all returned his smile, some relief washing over them, but those smiles faded as Bobby's head fell back against his pillow and the line on the monitor went flat. Once again, they were pushed out of the room as the staff went to work. Several minutes later, they heard the doctor call Bobby's time of death. Sam let out a shaky breath and turned away. Dean, full of anger, almost charged into the room where the doctor had given up. The only thing that stopped him was Lily. Her legs buckled, and he caught her as she began sobbing. She clutched at his shirt as he held her. This was more than she could take. Everything had built up inside, and now it had been unleashed. And she felt awful because of it. She knew the pain that Dean was feeling was greater than hers. Bobby was like a father to him. Now, he would lock it down and try to be strong for her. She had to pull herself together, for him. She straightened herself and looked into his eyes, which were filled with unshed tears. Her hands went to his face, and she spoke through the lump in her throat.

"I'm so sorry."

Dean shook his head and placed his forehead against hers. The next voice Lily heard was the doctor's.

"I'm very sorry. We did all we could do."

The look on Dean's face told the doctor not to offer any more condolences. So, the man moved on.

"We will need you to fill out some paperwork. I suggest going home and getting some rest. You can come back tomorrow."

Sam thanked the doctor, and he walked away. Dean gently pulled Lily away.

"You ready to leave?"

Lily nodded and they left. The car with Dick Roman was gone. They were all quiet as they walked to the van. Dean drove back to the house, Sam riding shotgun, and Lily in a fold out back seat. She stared at the floor, unable to think of anything but Bobby.

Back at the house, Dean was still quiet as he began packing things up. It was Sam who finally broke the silence.

"We need to find some wood."

"For what?" Dean asked.

"For Bobby's funeral."

"We're not doing that here."

"Dean..."

"We're bringing him back to Montana."

"We can't drive across the country with Bobby's body in the van!"

"Can't the hospital make those arrangements? Don't they do this kind of crap all the time?!"

"Guys, stop!" Lily shouted. "Bobby would kick your asses if he heard you yelling at each other right now. Sam, Dean's right. There has to be a way for the hospital to transport Bobby to a hospital near Whitefish. And we should do it there. Do it right."

Sam agreed and they finished packing. Lily's nausea hit her the next morning. She opted to stay behind while the guys went to finish at the hospital. When everything was handled they came and picked her up. She was still a little queasy, so Dean drove her car, while Sam drove the van. The drive would take a day and a half, without any long stops. Lily knew she would never make it.

"Dean, we have to stop for the night, and I can't take another abandoned hovel. I need a hot shower, and we all need sleep."

"We can't use our credit cards."

"I have some cash. We can all share a room. I don't think either of us is in the mood to fool around."

"No... not really. I'll tell Sam at the next stop."

The motel room was a welcomed sight. The guys let Lily shower first, and she made no apologies for the time she spent in there. She felt wonderful when she got out and immediately climbed into bed. Dean watched some television while Sam showered, then he took his turn. By the time Dean climbed in next to Lily, Sam was asleep. Lily was beginning to doze off, but woke up when she felt the bed dip. She turned onto her back, and gave Dean a small smile.

"I love you," she whispered.

"Love you, too."

He leaned over and gave her a light kiss, then put his hand on her stomach. She stopped breathing for a moment. The thought of the baby had been pushed aside with Bobby's death. How could she tell Dean now? She couldn't drop this on him too.

"How's your stomach?" he asked.

"What?" She had been completely lost in thought.

"You still nauseous?"

"Not right now."

"Good," he said, giving her another kiss before pulling her into his arms. "Let's get some sleep."


	31. Chapter 31

They finally made it back to Whitefish late the next night. Sam would call the hospital to check on Bobby's body in the morning. Lily had made the rest of the trip only having to pull over once. Dean seemed worried. He thought a stomach bug should be better by now, but Lily assured him that the doctor said it could linger for a while. She just couldn't work up the courage to tell him she was pregnant. Not after everything that had happened. She watched as Dean poured himself a glass of whiskey and sat on the sofa to watch television.

The following afternoon, Sam and Dean drove two hours away to pick up Bobby's body. Lily waited at the cabin, getting ready what she could for the funeral. When the guys got back, they built the platform and prepared Bobby's body for the send off. Lily spent the time going through the personal items that were sent along in a bag. She held Bobby's hat, staring at the hole. Tears began to form, but she held them back. She had to be strong so Dean could grieve.

She heard him call her name from outside. She followed his voice, still holding Bobby's hat, and found him placing more wood around the platform, as Sam poured on the lighter fluid. He walked over to a nearby work bench, picked up an open beer bottle, and drained whatever was left inside before walking to Lily. He noticed the hat in her hands and reached out for it.

"I almost forgot," Dean said.

"What?"

"His hat."

"What about his hat?"

"We have to burn it."

"No!" Lily clutched the hat in her hands and held it close to her chest.

"It has his blood on it," Dean said softly. "We don't want his spirit stuck here."

"Maybe I do. Maybe I want to see him again." So much for being strong, she thought.

"Lily..." Dean gripped the hat tight, but didn't pull it away from her. "You have to let him go."

A sob erupted from Lily as she let go of the hat. "That was the last thing he said to me... in the van, before he went to the roof."

Dean thought back, and she was right. Bobby had told her she had to let him go when she tried to go with him to the roof.

"I miss him already," she said through her tears.

Dean pulled her into his arms and held her tight, Bobby's hat still in his hand. "I know, sweetheart. I miss him too."

Lily pulled back and wiped her eyes. "Dean, I'm so sorry. I know Bobby meant a lot to you. You don't need to be worrying about me."

"I'm fine," Dean said.

"Don't try to play it tough. I know you're hurting."

Dean pulled away and walked to Bobby's body, tossing the hat on top. "Ready?" he called out to Sam.

Sam walked around the platform and nodded. Dean lit a book of matches and tossed it onto the wood around the bottom of the platform. As the flames grew, they stood and watched. Lily, standing between the two brothers, took each of theirs hands. Sam looked down at her hand and covered it with his free hand before his eyes went back to the fire. Dean didn't move. He stared blindly into the rising flames. One single tear slipped down his cheek, but still he didn't move.

It was several hours later before everything was cleaned up. Dean had gone through a few more beers, and a couple of glasses of whiskey. It was hard for Lily not to notice.

The next week went by in relative silence. Lily stayed by Dean's side, letting him know with her presence that she was there if he needed her, but he had become distant. His drinking increased, and he had fallen asleep on the coach every night since the funeral.

Lily's "morning" sickness, which had been striking at any given time, was getting better. She found that certain smells or sights could still trigger it, but she was feeling much better, physically. She was relieved when Dean finally began moving around and looking into the number that Bobby wrote on Sam's hand. That relief began to fade as the days went on. He buried himself in it, still shutting himself off.

Toward the end of the week, Sam went out for food and supplies. Dean refused to leave the house, and Lily didn't want to leave him alone. She used the time alone to try to get through to Dean. She sat next to him at the table in the kitchen area.

"Baby, please talk to me."

"This number is just weird," he said, ignoring her.

"I don't wanna talk about the number. You have to let yourself grieve."

Dean stood and walked to the sofa with a notepad. Lily followed and sat facing him. She pulled the notepad from him and threw it across the room.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"Trying to get your attention!"

Dean rolled his eyes and moved to get up, but Lily quickly straddled his lap, keeping him seated.

"You can't keep going like this, Dean."

"We have to find out what those numbers are and make Dick pay for this."

"We will, baby, but you have to let it out a little first." She put her hands to his face, keeping him looking at her.

"What, you want me to get all weepy and talk about my feelings?"

"No. I just want you to admit you're hurting and let me comfort you, like you did for me when my dad died."

"So, you wanna share Bobby stories? That's how you wanna comfort me? No thanks."

"I'll comfort you however you need me to," she whispered. "Just let me do it."

Dean stared at her for a moment before his lips crashed onto hers. She was a bit startled by the sudden kiss, but she returned it. One of Dean's hands sank into her hair, holding her lips to his. His other hand unbuttoned her jeans and traveled up under her shirt. He pulled away, and stood with Lily still in his lap. Her legs instinctively wrapped around him as he walked toward the bedroom. He kissed her again as he lowered her to the bed, his lips never leaving hers until he pulled her shirt over her head. He stood and removed her jeans, as well as his own clothes.

Lily knelt on the bed in front of Dean's now naked body and took him in her hands. He let out a moan before kissing her roughly again. He undid the clasp on her bra, and she let it fall from her arms before kissing down Dean's body. His hands went into her hair in anticipation of where her lips were headed. When she finally took him into her mouth, he fought the urge to thrust. His hands remained in her hair, eventually urging her to go faster until his breathing became rapid and his muscles started to tremble.

He pulled her away and pulled her legs from under her, effectively putting her on her back. He pulled her panties from her and climbed on top of her. He filled her in one thrust and kept a hard, fast pace until he was spent, and rolled onto his back.

Lily turned onto her side and ran her fingers down Dean's chest before bringing her hand to his face and turning it to her.

"I love you, Dean Winchester. Don't you ever forget that."

Dean responded by capturing her lips again, but the sound of the front door interrupted them. Sam was back. Dean ran his hand through Lily's hair and kissed her gently one more time.

"I'm glad I have you," he said.

"You'll always have me."


	32. Chapter 32

Three weeks had passed since Bobby's death. Dean was making a little progress. He stopped shutting out Lily and Sam, but he was still completely obsessed with the number Bobby gave them. He had given the number to Frank Devereaux, and was getting anxious that he hadn't heard back from him. He was also becoming more and more obsessed with Dick Roman. The cabin was littered with news clippings and articles about Roman.

During that first week, Bobby's phone had rang a few times before Dean turned it off. None of them wanted to tell anyone the news. Sam, after finding Bobby's address book, decided to turn the phone on.

Lily sat on the sofa, watching Dean as he still tried to figure out the number. Sam went over to him, and tried to talk him into making the calls to Bobby's contacts. Dean refused. When Bobby's cell phone rang a moment later, Sam decided to answer it. It was a young girl. She only wanted to speak with Bobby, and hung up before Sam could get any information. He thought she sounded like she might be in trouble, and suggested they go find her, but Dean wouldn't. He said he was going to try to find Frank. Sam asked Lily if she wanted to go with him, but she shook her head.

"I think I should stay with Dean."

Sam looked back at his brother, who was staring at a wall of Dick Roman. "Yeah, that might be a good idea."

Sam left, and Dean tried to call Frank again. Still no answer.

"Dean," Lily said, "you need to get some sleep."

"I need to get a hold of Frank."

"I'm not an idiot, you know. You've been coming to bed, waiting til I fall asleep, then getting back up. When was the last time you got more than thirty minutes?"

He turned from her and stared at the Dick Roman wallpaper. Lily just didn't know what to do anymore. She considered telling him about the baby, if for no other reason than to take his mind off of Dick Roman for two minutes. She considered it. She didn't do it. The possibility of him taking it very badly kept her from telling him then. She walked up behind him and put her arms around him, sliding her hands up his torso until they were flat on his chest. She laid her cheek against his back.

"I'm so worried about you, baby."

Dean let out a sigh and put one of his hands over hers. "I know... I'm sorry. It's just all I can think about."

Lily was silent for a moment. She knew that what she was about to say could cause Dean to blow up.

"Maybe we should make those calls to Bobby's contacts. I need to tell Garth. He could actually help us get the word out."

Dean calmly removed her hands and walked toward his duffel. "You go ahead. I'm gonna go to Frank's."

"Then I'll come with you."

"No. You and Sam are right. Someone needs to make those calls. Besides, you haven't met Frank. He's a paranoid bastard. Sooner blow your head off than look at you."

"I don't think you should go alone."

"You let Sam go alone."

"Sam has had more than five hours sleep in the last week!"

Dean walked to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Look, Sam went to find that girl. I have to find Frank. If you wanna look at this practically, you should stay here in case one of us needs some kind of help, and Sam and I can't get to each other."

"Funny how you like to be practical when it suits your purposes." Dean grinned at her and she gave in. "Fine. Go find Frank. I'll stay here and make phone calls."

Dean wrapped his arms around her and gave her a passionate kiss. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. They pulled away, reluctantly, and Lily let out a sigh.

"Are you really gonna kiss me like that and then leave?"

Dean gave a half-smile, but Lily could see that he was serious. "I have to, babe. Frank could be dead, for all I know."

Lily nodded and ran her hand across his cheek. "Be careful... I love you."

"I love you, too."

Dean gave her one more kiss before heading out the door. Lily put a hand to her stomach.

"When he gets back," she said. "I'll tell him when he gets back."

She wouldn't be able to hide it much longer anyway. She wasn't sure if it was just in her head, but she could see a very small bump. No doubt Dean would see her body changing soon.

Dean called her a couple of days later.

"Found Frank."

"Alive?"

"Yeah, and as paranoid as ever. He figured out what the numbers are. Coordinates to a field that Dick Roman purchased."

"For what?"

"We don't know yet. I just got off the phone with Sam. He said that the girl doesn't even know her dad is a hunter."

"He have any leads?"

"Yeah." Lily heard a voice in the background. "I'm comin'," Dean called out to the voice. "Franks's ready to go. We're gonna check out that field... and don't worry about telling me to be careful. Nobody's more careful than Frank."

"Well, that's good to know."

"I'll call you later."

"Bye."

Dean called again a couple of days later. "You heard from Sam?" he asked.

"Not recently, why?"

"He could be in trouble. He's going off of some bad info. I have to track him down. I'm gonna go to that kid's house and see if I can figure out where he was going."

Dean filled her in with what he knew and told her he would check in if he could, then they said goodbye. Lily still had a few more phone calls to make, but she knew her mind would be on Dean until he called. She prayed that Sam was okay. Dean didn't sound too worried, but that could have been an act.

She didn't hear from him again until they were on their way back to Whitefish.

"Sam's still a bit weak, so we'll have to stop for a while so he doesn't have to drive. It'll take us a little over a day to get back."

"Just get back safe. I know you can't say it back with Sam right there, but... I love you."

Dean suppressed a small smile. "Okay. I'll call and let you know where we stop for the night."

Dean kept his promise and called late that night.

"Did I wake you?"

"Nope. I was waiting for the phone to ring."

"We're in a motel just outside of Cheyenne. I drove until I couldn't see straight anymore."

"A motel?"

"Those monsters we ganked actually had cash on 'em. One was working as a waitress, and they were probably taking money off their victims."

"You're making pretty good time."

"That's 'cause I have something to get back to."

Lily smiled, a light blush touching her cheeks. She put her hand to her stomach. Not on the phone. She had to tell him face to face, when he got back.

"Really?" she asked playfully. "I don't think we have any pie in the house."

"Oh, pie! I'll stop and pick some up on the way in... and I wasn't talking about pie."

"No?"

"No... Listen, Sam's gonna be out of the shower in a minute, so I gotta go."

"Okay."

"By the way..."

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too, Kitten."

Lily smiled, and almost giggled. "See you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

"Bye."

"Bye."

They disconnected, and Lily actually felt calm about breaking the news about the baby. She still wasn't sure how he would take it, but she had to tell him.

The guys got back the next night, and Sam went straight to bed. He had insisted on driving the last couple of hours, and it took a lot out of him. Dean plopped down on the sofa with a beer, and Lily curled up next to him. He told her about the job, and what happened to Sam and the kid's dad.

"That kid, Krissy, was tough. She put on a real brave face, but I mentioned that Sam went to college... you should have seen the look she got."

"Disbelief?"

"Hope. That kid wants a normal life. I told her dad to quit, and raise his daughter. I hope he listens." He took a long drink from his beer bottle. "I'm telling you, hunters should not have kids."

Lily's heart sank. "I'm sure there are people who make it work."

"I've never met 'em." He took another drink, then turned to Lily. "How'd you do here alone? Any signs of trouble?"

"No, everything was quiet. Made a lot  
of phone calls. Garth and Sheriff Mills... those were the hardest. I think Bobby and the sheriff may have had a bit of a thing goin'."

"Really?" Dean asked with a perverted tone. Lily just nodded. "Why don't we see about gettin' something goin' between us tonight?"

Dean leaned in and kissed her. Lily thought once more about telling Dean about the baby, but she pushed it aside. She couldn't now. Not after what he had just said about hunters not having kids. It would hit him like bad news, and she didn't want their baby to be bad news. She had to wait... just a little while longer.


	33. Chapter 33

Dean and Lily sat on the sofa together. Her legs were across his lap as she sat sideways. His rough hand slid up and down her bare, short-clad legs as they talked. Sam had fallen asleep on one of the extra cots in the small, open room attached to the living area. Dean had been on the computer for the last few days, keeping tabs on Dick Roman. Lily finally convinced him to lay off and spend some time with her.

He still wouldn't say much about Bobby. She knew this was how he dealt with things; quietly, by himself. But she wanted so badly for him to open up and really talk to her. She grabbed his hand that wasn't on her leg, and held it tight in both of her hands.

"If I share something with you, would you talk to me a little about how you're feeling... about Bobby?"

"Depends on what you have to share," Dean said.

"You'd actually have to go first, because what I want to share... we'll probably talk about that for a while."

Dean smirked, "Juicy, huh?"

"Very."

Dean sighed and laid his head back. "Alright... what do you wanna know?"

"I just wanna know how you're doing. And don't say 'fine,' because that's bull."

He stared at the ceiling and let out a breath. Just as he picked his head up to talk, Sam's cell phone rang. They listened as Sam answered, and he walked out into the living area. The moment was over. It sounded like Sam had a job.

Canton, Ohio. Sheriff Mills heard about a couple of mummified bodies there and thought it might be something the guys would want to investigate. Sam and Dean decided they wanted to leave right away. Lily hadn't really been out of the cabin since Bobby's death, so she said she would tag along.

In Canton, they found a run down, abandoned house. Dean checked the ground floor while Sam scoped out upstairs.

"Well, there's a semi-functioning bathroom and one un-rancid bedroom," Sam said as he came down the stairs.

"Define semi-functioning," Dean said, "and do not use the words 'hole in the floor.'"

"Oh, that sounds lovely," Lily said with a look of disgust. "I hope you guys plan on us all sharing that one un-rancid bedroom."

Sam and Dean both looked at her, their faces telling her that they hadn't been planning on sharing.

"Well, we are," she said. "No different than sharing a motel room."

The guys looked at each other and shrugged. She had won that one. After they got a little settled, Dean came to Lily.

"We have to go do the FBI thing. You comin' along?"

"No, you guys go. I'm gonna try to do some research, but, uh... can you go pick up some food for me, in case you two can't get back right away?"

"Sure."

When the guys finally set out as FBI, Lily started looking for a history of deaths that matched the mummified bodies. They got back sooner than she had expected, but they were gone long enough for her to find something.

"Right here in Canton," she said. "1928, '57, and '74. Three deaths each time, all of them shriveled like our two bodies."

She turned the laptop so Sam and Dean could look at the articles she had found. After a few minutes, Dean pulled the laptop over to himself and quickly pulled up Canton security video feeds. Sam seemed impressed, if not a little jealous of this new ability.

"Where'd you learn that?"

"A little tutorial from Frank."

Dean pulled up footage from the area of the first attack.

"You need to teach me that trick."

As Sam looked at the monitor, he quickly recognized that the man in the footage from just a few days before was the same man in an old newspaper article, and he hadn't aged a day. A man in a fedora, just like their witness described.

They managed to track down a woman from one of the articles. She was a little girl at the time she discovered one of the dead bodies. With her information, they were able to track down the fedora man in the photo, or at least where he used to live. The guys came back long enough to change into jeans and they were off to stake out the house.

Sam came back alone, with a shocked look on his face. Lily knew that look wasn't good.

"Where's Dean?"

"Gone."

"What do you mean 'gone?'"

"We found the guy, and split up to follow him. I got to them just in time to see Dean grab the guy and they just... disappeared into this red ball of light."

"Well, where the hell did they go?!"

"I don't know!"

Sam sat at the table, and Lily began to pace. It was a habit she picked up from Dean. She eventually began pinning things up on the wall, hoping to see something they missed. Sam helped. When his phone rang, he quickly answered it.

"Dean?"

It was Sheriff Mills. Sam filled her in, and she insisted on coming to help. Since she wouldn't take no for an answer, Sam asked her to stop at Bobby's storage locker and pick some things up. She arrived the next day with more than twenty boxes. When Sam went out to her car to get them, Sheriff Mills turned to Lily.

"Nice to meet you face to face," she said, extending her hand. "Jody Mills."

"Lily Jacobs." Lily smiled at the woman.

"So, how did you get wrapped up with these two?"

"I've known them for years. My dad did what they do... raised me to do the same."

"Is that how you met Bobby?"

"Dean actually got me connected with Bobby after my dad died. I was kind of lost, and Bobby helped me find jobs and stay focused."

Sam came back inside and sat some boxes down, going right back out for more.

"Well, Sheriff..." Lily started.

"Call me Jody."

"Well, Jody, why don't we start going through these boxes?"

Once Sam brought the final set of boxes in, he began to help going through them, and Jody took over research on the laptop. Having a cop helping had its perks. She was able to get into a federal database, and she found another picture of fedora man. Sam noticed a symbol in the man's ring and flipped through a book until he found it.

This wasn't a man. This was a god: Chronos. The god of time. The best shot they had at getting Dean was to find a ritual that could summon a god. Sam eventually found what they were looking for, but more bad news followed. They had to know exactly the right time that Dean would have his hands in Chronos, or Dean would be stuck when they did the summoning.

They were going through the boxes again when Lily came across a bottle with a note on it. The note said, "Fine, you ass. You win for once. Enjoy. R."

"Who's 'R?'" Jody asked.

"Rufus," Lily said, staring at the bottle. She handed it to Jody, who suggested that they drink it. Sam and Lily agreed they should, but as Jody poured, Lily turned it down.

Hours later, Jody went for food. Lily sat cross-legged on the floor, still going through boxes, while Sam worked at the table. Lily looked up at the sound of a light snoring. Sam had fallen asleep. Jody came back a few minutes later, and Lily motioned for her to stay quiet, pointing to Sam. Jody joined Lily on the floor, handing her a cup of coffee and a box of donuts.

"Thanks," Lily said quietly.

"So," Jody said, "How you holdin' up, mommy?"

"What?"

"Hey, I was pregnant once... you have that sick glow about you." Jody smiled to let her know she understood. "That, and you turned down some pretty good booze. And, I've seen you touch your stomach a few times. I'm guessing the guys don't know."

"No, they don't."

"Which one?"

"What?"

"Which one of the guys?"

Lily sighed. Jody was reading her like a book. "Dean."

"Yeah, I had a feeling." Jody watched as Lily flipped aimlessly through a book she pulled out of a box. "I don't mean to pry. I'm just a curious person. If you'd rather not talk about it..."

"No, it's okay. It's actually kind of nice not to hold it in. I've tried to tell him so many times, but something always happens and it just doesn't seem like a good idea. I hope you don't think I'm using you as an excuse, but I was going to tell him when you called with this case."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I wanted him focused, not thinking about what's gonna happen when I have this baby."

"If you want my advice, you should tell him."

"I know. As soon as this case is over, before we even leave Canton... I'll tell him."

"Good. And if you ever need anything, I'm a phone call away."

Lily smiled as Jody took her hand. "Thanks."


	34. Chapter 34

Lily looked past Jody to Sam.

"We should make him go lie down. He's been up almost forty-eight hours."

"I'll get him," Jody said. She woke Sam up, and he reluctantly went upstairs to the bedroom where his bed roll was laid out. He came down just a few minutes later and Jody was just about to fuss until Sam shoved a piece of paper at her. She read it aloud.

"'Sammy, turns out Snider is Chronos.' Wait, this is from Dean? How..."

"Just read," Sam said with a huge smile.

Lily got up from the floor and walked behind Jody, reading over her shoulder. Sam pointed out a date at the top of the letter. Now they knew the date Dean would be going after Chronos. Sam hoped to get the exact time from someone Dean mentioned in the letter. Lila Taylor. Chronos' girlfriend. Sam had taken the letter back to get the girl's name again. Lily took it from him and sat at the table. No one noticed how Lily ran her fingers over the handwriting, wishing she was holding Dean, telling him everything. She hadn't considered that they might not get him back. It wasn't an option. They would get him back. They had to.

"Okay," Sam said, "I don't think we should all go. So, Lily, why don't you..."

"Oh no," she said, cutting him off, "I stayed behind while you and Dean went off and did your thing, and now Dean might be stuck in 1944. I'm goin'."

Sam seemed surprised, and maybe even a little hurt, by Lily's tone. She realized it may have come out a little harsh, but she made no apologies. She was worried, and she wasn't backing down. "Why don't you go round up the ingredients we need for the spell while we get the time from Lila?"

"Yeah, okay... that sounds like a plan."

Jody drove them to the retirement home where Lila now lived. It didn't look promising at first. She seemed a bit spaced out, but once they brought up that night, she seemed to have an excellent memory. She told them that all the clocks in the house stopped that night at 11:34 when two cops came to arrest her boyfriend, Ethan. Lily and Jody knew that Ethan was actually Chronos. Lily pulled out one of Dean's fake ID's and showed it to Lila.

"Ma'am, was this man one of the police officers?"

Lila looked at the photo and nodded. "Ethan choked the life out of that man."

Lily's eyes grew wide and she looked to Jody. They had to hurry. Dean was in trouble. They practically ran back to the car as Lily pulled out her cell to call Sam.

"We've got the time. 11:34. You got what we need?"

"Got it."

"Start setting up. We need to hurry. Lila said that Chronos kills Dean."

"Okay, I'm on it."

Jody floored it and they made it back to the house as Sam finished writing the time on a piece of paper, in blood. He began reciting, and Lily struck a match, setting fire to the paper with the time on it. When Sam finished, a glowing, red light filled the room and Dean and Chronos fell to the floor. Lily ran to Dean, kneeling beside him and pulling his head into her lap. He was gasping, fighting for air, but was soon able to catch his breath. Lily lost sight of what was happening around her, until she saw Jody land across the room. Lily looked behind her and saw Sam on the floor behind Chronos, who was looking down at Dean.

"No!" Chronos screamed. "You... destroyed everything!" He took one look at the way Lily was holding Dean and an evil grin appeared on his face. He took two quick steps toward Lily, so fast that she had no time to move, and grabbed her by the throat, lifting her off of her feet. "I'll return the favor."

Lily clawed at Chronos' hand. Dean, still weak and breathing heavily, struggled to get to his feet. Sam was slowly coming around behind Chronos. He saw a stake, that Dean had brought with him, on the floor and grabbed it.

Once on his feet, Sam called out, "Hey, Chronos!"

Expecting an attack, Chronos threw Lily into the wall and turned to defend himself, but Sam was ready. He plunged the stake into Chronos' heart.

Lily didn't see any of it. She was barely conscious. She managed to focus on Dean's voice. It sounded as if it were coming to her through a fog. She opened her eyes to blurred vision. Slowly, her hearing and vision cleared, but the pain grew. And grew. She curled up and grabbed her stomach, letting out a weak cry.

"Lily?" The concern in Dean's voice was obvious. "Lily, what's wrong?"

"Hospital," was all she could manage.

Dean picked her up and carried her to the car. Sam drove and Jody rode up front while Dean held Lily in the back. She forced herself to work through the pain, grabbing Dean's hand.

"Dean... I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry. You didn't do anything. That monster attacked you."

Lily shook her head. "I'm pregnant."

Dean looked down at her, his face full of shock. "What?"

She nodded as another wave of pain washed over her. She squeezed Dean's hand and cried out.

"Hurry up, Sam!" Dean yelled.

Dean paced around the waiting room. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes moist. He couldn't decide if he was more worried or angry. Angry at Chronos. Angry at Lily. But he couldn't be angry at Lily. Not now, when she was in so much pain. Not when they had both just come so close to dying. But the anger was there. He thought back over the last few months, and remembered her trip to the clinic. That had to be when she found out, and she still hadn't told him that he was going to be a father. Why?

Sam overheard when Lily told Dean, and he was just as surprised. He knew his brother had conflicting emotions right now, and he could see the anger on Dean's face.

"Dean, she'll be okay."

"Like Bobby was okay?" Dean stopped pacing and stared at Sam. "I tried. I tried to believe that it would be okay, but it wasn't. I can't do this again." He started pacing again. "And why did she hide it from me?"

"Dean," Jody said, "I think you should talk to her before you accuse her of 'hiding' it."

A couple of hours later, a doctor came into the waiting area and called out one of Dean's aliases. Sam stood and walked over with his brother. Jody sat up, but didn't follow.

"You're the father?" the doctor asked.

"Yes. How's Lily?"

"She's doing fine."

"And the... the baby?"

"The baby is okay, for now. I have to be honest, it was touch and go, but right now we have them both pretty stable. But the baby is not out of the woods yet." Dean nodded, and the doctor continued. "I can bring you to see her, but she should stay calm. It'll help both her and the baby."

Sam patted Dean on the back as he moved to follow the doctor, then he returned to wait with Jody.

Dean quietly entered the room and saw that Lily's eyes were closed. He walked over to the side of the bed, unable to take his eyes from her stomach. She was carrying his baby. He reached out and gently laid his hand on her stomach, somewhat hoping to feel something... some kind of movement. He didn't even know if he was supposed to be able to feel anything. He was completely clueless in this situation, but it didn't change the fact that this was his baby, and his baby was hurt. And Lily. He looked up and saw that her eyes were open, and staring at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"I tried... the timing was always bad."

"You should have told me, anyway."

"I'm sorry." A tear slipped down her cheek. "Bobby died, and you were so upset. I didn't know how you would take it. I didn't want to make it worse."

"You think me finding out the woman I love is carrying my baby would upset me?"

Lily paused for just a moment before staring directly into his eyes. "Hunters shouldn't have kids... remember that?"

Dean's face fell. He did remember saying that after working the case with Krissy and her dad.

"I didn't know..."

"I know you didn't, but you can't honestly tell me that you'd have thought any differently if you had known."

"I don't know what I would have thought," Dean said, his voice slightly raised, "and neither do you. That's the point."

Another tear slipped down Lily's cheek. "Please don't be angry with me. Not now. After everything that's happened, the only thing keeping me from completely falling apart right now is knowing that we got you back, and you're safe."

Dean took her face in his hands and kissed her. "You're right, I'm safe. Let's focus on keeping you and the baby safe now, okay?"

Lily nodded. Dean wiped her tears away with his thumbs before kissing her again. He caressed her face for a moment, his forehead resting against hers, before he left to talk to Sam and Jody. Lily would have to stay in the hospital, and Dean was staying with her, so Sam and Jody went back to the house.

That night, Dean slept in the chair next to Lily's bed. The doctor told her she might still feel some cramping, and she shouldn't panic, but she should call the nurse's station if they were more severe than just a discomfort. She struggled to get to sleep, but she finally drifted off, holding Dean's hand.

She awoke just a few hours later in horrible pain. She tried to reach the call button, but the pain worsened when she moved. She managed to croak out Dean's name, waking him. He saw the look on her face, and her body curled up in pain, and immediately pushed for help.

The nurse came into the room, took one look at Lily, and called for the doctor. She asked Dean to wait in the hall, which he did reluctantly. Just minutes after the doctor came running, they were wheeling Lily out of the room. Dean grabbed a nurse as she came out.

"What's goin' on?"

"The doctor believes that the placenta has torn away. Based on her pain, it is likely still tearing. If that's the case, the baby won't make it... it's just too soon. I'm sorry. Right now we are focusing on keeping the mother alive."

Dean nodded, his eyes filling with tears. He ran a hand over his face, and the nurse touched his arm. "Come with me. I'll bring you to a waiting area so you can be kept updated."

"Thanks."

Dean sat and waited. He paced... and he waited. When the nurse came back, he practically pounced on her.

"How's Lily?"

"Lily is fine. You can see her soon."

"The baby?"

The nurse shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Dean sat back down and ran his hands through his hair. His life as a father was over before it began, and he couldn't figure out if he should be sad or relieved, which made him angry at himself.


	35. Chapter 35

Dean was waiting in Lily's room when they brought her back in. The nurse made sure Lily was comfortable before leaving, closing the door behind her. Dean leaned over and kissed Lily, putting a hand to her face.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he said.

"The baby..." Lily couldn't finish. The words just wouldn't come out.

"I know. It's okay. It might sound terrible, but I'd rather have you."

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. You didn't even get the chance to imagine what it would be like to be a father... to have a baby of your own. To raise a child from birth. I'm sorry I took that away from you."

"Listen to me, the important thing is that you're okay, and I love you."

She looked into his eyes. She saw honesty in them. He wasn't angry anymore. Maybe he understood why she hadn't told him yet, maybe he didn't, but the anger she saw there before was gone.

"Can you hold me?"

Lily made room on the bed as Dean carefully climbed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her from behind, and they fell asleep as the sun came up. They didn't get to sleep too long before a nurse came in to check on her.

"Everything looks good. The doctor will check on you later, and if he says it's okay, you'll be able to go home."

The doctor gave the okay, and Sam came to pick them up. Jody was still at the house, and she helped Lily get her things together.

"My offer still stands. If you ever need anything, just call."

Lily hugged her. "Thank you, so much."

As Jody left for Sioux Falls, the guys packed the car with all the boxes she had brought. The trunk was a bit packed, but they got it all in. Dean insisted that they go to Lily's cabin in Indiana since it was so close. The doctor told Lily to take it easy for a few days, and Dean was determined to make sure she listened. Comfort was a plus, and she would get that at her cabin.

Sam drove while Dean sat in the back seat with Lily. She lay with her head in his lap, silently crying. Dean was unsure how to comfort her. He didn't want to tell her not to cry, but he hated that she was hurting.

Lily barely spoke for two days. She stayed in bed, and Dean was almost always by her side. He held her, made sure she ate, and let her cry. He was finally to the point where he was really worried about her. It wasn't like her to hold things in. As he held her that night, he tried to get her to talk.

"Sweetheart, you've got me really worried. Talk to me."

"I just don't know what to say."

"You were always big on just sharing how you feel."

"I feel like I let you down."

"What are you talkin' about?"

"I lied to you, I couldn't keep our baby safe..."

"Hey, hey..." He made Lily turn to face him. "That was not your fault. That was all Chronos. You were hurt."

"But if I had told you sooner..."

"No. No buts. It's not your fault."

Lily began to cry again. "Part of me really wanted the baby. It was us... I was thinking back to when it could have happened. I really think it was that week you told me you love me for the first time." Lily smiled, which made Dean happy. It was the first time she had smiled at all since before they went to the hospital. "I think we must have been close to breaking some kind of world record that week." Dean returned her smile and gently kissed her. "It made me happy knowing that our baby was conceived in love... but when they told me the baby didn't make it... I was..." She began crying harder, unable to continue.

"A little relieved?"

Lily nodded, letting out a sob.

"It's okay."

"How is that okay?"

"With our lives... it's just not a good life for a baby to be brought up in. I had the same mixed emotions when the nurse told me."

"Did part of you really want the baby?"

"Of course. It's like you said... it was us."

Lily wrapped her arms around Dean and buried her face in his neck.

"I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too, sweetheart."

Lily actually got out of the bed the next day. She sat and ate breakfast with Dean and Sam before going out onto the back porch. Dean didn't follow her. He thought she might need some time alone.

It took a few days, but Lily eventually started to come around. She was acting a little more like herself each day as the guilt began to fade, and the grief became a little more manageable.

Dean was sitting on the sofa drinking a beer when Lily came and sat beside him one night.

"Where's Sam?" she asked.

"Shower."

Lily leaned in and kissed Dean's neck.

"What are you doin'?"

"Trying to seduce you."

"Hang on," he said, gently pulling her away. "Doctor said you should wait a couple of weeks."

"Actually, he said one to two weeks."

"Lily..."

"Dean..." she said playfully.

"Sweetheart, you know I'm all up for being seduced by you, but I don't wanna hurt you."

"Well, what if I go see a doctor and get the okay?"

"Then I'll be ready," Dean said with a grin.

Lily called for an appointment the next day. She was disappointed with what she got. She walked into the kitchen to share the news.

"Three days, Dean."

"What?"

"The earliest appointment I could get is in three days." Dean was standing by the fridge. Sam was nowhere around, so Lily walked up to him and put her arms around him. "We could be together right now..."

Dean cut her off. "Why are you so insistent that we have sex?"

"You're complaining?"

"No, I'm just trying to understand. You're still acting a little off with this. I don't want you rushing into something you're not ready for."

Lily laid her head against his chest, squeezing him tight. "I just wanna feel normal again. I wanna do something to help me forget."

"I know that feeling. It can make you do stupid stuff."

She looked up into his eyes. "Making love to you is stupid?"

"No, but doing it before you're ready isn't smart. Trust me, baby, I wanna make love to you more than anything..." Lily watched as his eyes raked over her body. "But we need to be sure everything is okay. Okay?"

"Okay."

She kissed him, and Dean returned the kiss with his hands in her hair. They didn't pull apart until they heard Sam clear his throat.

"Excuse me," he said. "I was coming to see what we have here for dinner."

"Why don't we go out for dinner?" Lily asked. "Get out of the house for a little while?"

"Sounds good to me," Dean said.


	36. Chapter 36

Eating out ended up not being such a great idea. Everything was fine until a woman came in with a baby. Lily took one look, and whatever smile she had was gone. Dean saw the change and followed Lily's eyes. When he saw the baby, he knew.

"Dammit," he whispered to himself. He turned back to Lily and saw her fighting tears. "You wanna leave?"

Lily nodded, and Dean tried to flag down their waiter, who was nowhere around.

"Sam," Dean said, "take her outside while I settle up."

It hadn't been hard for Sam to make the connection. He stood and took Lily's hand, putting an arm around her shoulder as they walked out. When Dean came out, he went straight to Lily.

"You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

Sam offered Lily the front seat, but she declined. She sat in the back and stared out of the window for the short trip home. Dean gave her some space, letting her come to him when she was ready to talk. She asked him to go out with her onto the back patio, knowing that he wouldn't want to talk about it in front of his brother. Dean sat down on a lounger, and pulled her into his arms. She leaned back against him, his arms wrapped around her. He was caught off guard by her question.

"When you had your hand on my stomach in the hospital... what was going through your mind?"

"I don't know. A lot of things, I guess."

"Things like...?"

Dean answered dryly, trying to remember his thoughts. "Oh, crap, I'm gonna be a dad. How could we let that happen? Hunting is no life for a kid. I wonder if it's a boy or a girl. I hope it survives..."

"Which would you have wanted?"

"What?"

"Boy or girl?"

Dean hesitated. "Sweetheart, I don't think we should talk about it this way. The baby is gone."

Lily let out a sigh, "Maybe you're right. I have to be honest, though... it makes me happy to know that you had some good thoughts about the baby."

Dean thought back to that moment, when he held his hand on Lily's stomach, trying to feel any sign of life. "You know what I liked more than anything?"

"Hmm?"

"The idea that I'd actually helped create life. This job... all the lives I've taken over the years..."

"Monsters, Dean."

"No. People. All those demons I've killed with the Colt and the blade... the people they were inside of died too."

"You didn't have a choice."

"Oh, I had a choice. I always had a choice, and I made it. And I'm not saying I'd do it any differently if I had the chance... it's just what it is." Dean let his hands slide down and rest on Lily's stomach. "But that baby... it was part me... and part you. So, yeah, I wanted it." Lily placed her hands on top of Dean's, but he pulled them away at the contact. "But it's gone, so there's no point in thinking about it."

Lily sat up a little, leaning on one arm, and faced Dean. "Why not? If we both wanted this baby, even if we were scared and unsure how it would work out... if we both wanted it, why shouldn't we talk about it?"

"Because talking won't change anything. The baby will be still be gone."

"That's not the point."

"Then what is? To cry and share my feelings?"

"Basically."

Dean scoffed. He unwrapped himself from Lily and stood. "No thanks."

"The point is to heal, so you can carry on."

"You don't have to heal to carry on... you play through the pain." Dean turned to walk back inside, but Lily stood and caught him by the arm. He stopped, but didn't turn around.

"I know that's what you've always done, but you don't have to. Why do you wanna carry that pain?"

"Because the pain is what gives you the drive to fight."

"And what happens when all that pain you're carrying comes crashing down on you at once, and you can't get up?"

Dean finally faced her, his face set with anger. "What do you want from me?" He practically yelled. "Do you want me to tell you that, for those few minutes, I imagined playing catch with my boy? Or that I thought of what it would feel like to have a little girl look up at me and call me 'daddy?'"

Lily could see the tears forming in Dean's eyes. She wanted to say something, but she knew if she spoke he would stop in his tracks, and he had to let this out.

"Or," Dean continued, "how about the fact that all I've thought about since that night is how I couldn't keep my baby safe?" He put a hand on Lily's stomach. "This beautiful little baby, just as beautiful as her mother... and I couldn't protect her long enough to see her." Dean looked back into Lily's eyes as a single tear fell down his cheek, and his hand fell away from her stomach. "Is that what you wanna hear?"

"If that's how you feel, then, yes... that's what I wanna hear."

Dean jaw clenched as he held back more tears, shaking his head. "I don't like the way this hurts, Lily."

"You're not supposed to like it. You're just supposed to feel it... and we can feel it together."

Lily put her arms around Dean's neck. She wasn't prepared for how tightly he held her. He buried his face in her neck, and she felt his breath catch as he choked back a sob.

"It's gonna be okay, Dean."

"I wanted to be strong for you. You were the one carrying the baby. I can't imagine what it was like for you to go through that."

"Dean," she pulled away, holding his face in her hands, making sure he paid attention. "I love that you are strong, and you take care of me, and protect me, and you're always there for me... but this is your loss too." She began to cry as she watched another single tear fall from Dean's eye. "I don't need you to be strong so I can fall apart. I need you to fall apart with me."

She kissed him gently on the lips before they embraced again. Dean held on tight, feeling as if he really would fall apart if he let her go. They stayed that way for several minutes before going inside and getting ready for bed. They both felt exhausted. They lay facing each other that night, holding hands, their faces close. Lily thought about what Dean had said about having a daughter, and how he had talked about the baby... he had said, 'her.' He would have wanted a girl.

"I love you," she whispered.

Dean kissed her gently on the lips, letting it linger before he pulled away.

"I love you , too."


	37. Chapter 37

Lily woke the next morning on her back. Dean was right beside her, lying on his side. He had one arm curled under his head. His other hand was resting on Lily's stomach. She gently kissed his lips before placing her hand on his, lightly rubbing with her thumb. The motion woke Dean, and he turned his hand, taking Lily's hand in his and lacing their fingers together. She turned to look at him and smiled. Dean sat up slightly, leaning on his elbow, and began kissing Lily's neck.

Lily closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of Dean's lips. It felt like several months had passed since they had made love, and she wanted so badly to share that intimacy with him now. Dean felt the same way, but in his mind, he still wanted to make sure Lily was okay physically. He reluctantly pulled away and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Lily sat up, pulling the sheet up against the chill after losing the warmth of Dean's body.

"Getting away from temptation."

"Are we still waiting?"

"Until you get a doctor's okay, yeah, we're waiting."

Lily couldn't help but grin. Dean Winchester, choosing to wait. "When did you develop will power?"

"When I found out I love the woman I'm making love to more than I like the act of making love."

"You know, if you were still in this bed after saying that, we wouldn't be waiting anymore."

"I know," Dean said with a grin. "Come on, get dressed. We'll get Sam and go get breakfast."

They were back from breakfast for a while when Lily got a phone call. Dean saw a wide smile spread across her face as she disconnected the call.

"What's up?"

"That was the doctor's office. They had a cancellation, and I can go in today."

"Want me to go with you?"

"If you want to, you can, but you can't come in for the exam."

Dean made a face, "Maybe I'll stay here. Not sure I'd wanna see that even if I could."

Lily was back a few hours later. She walked into the cabin to find Dean on the couch, watching television.

"Where's Sam?"

"Went for food."

Lily sat her purse on the breakfast bar and walked over to the couch, sitting next to Dean. She gave him a quick kiss, and he put his arm around her shoulders.

"So, how'd the visit go?"

Lily smiled and handed Dean a piece of paper. He unfolded it, a confused look on his face that turned into a smile as he read.

"You got your doctor to write me a note that says you're 'cleared for sexual activity?'"

"Doctor's approval. We will have to be extra careful for a couple of months. If I were to get pregnant again we would definitely lose the baby, and it wouldn't be good for me."

Dean nodded as he folded the paper. He put it on the coffee table, then took Lily's face in his hands. He smiled at her before capturing her lips in a passionate kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her fingers though his hair. He began to lay her down when they heard the rumble of the Impala. Dean let out a groan before sitting up.

"Sam's back," he said.

"That's okay. I didn't really imagine our first time together again on the couch, anyway."

Lily walked over to grab her purse just as Sam walked in. He smiled at Lily when he saw she was back.

"Hey, how'd the doctor's visit go? Everything okay?"

"Doctor says I'm doing well."

"Good." He placed the take-out bags on the counter in the kitchen. Lily picked up her purse then joined Sam in the kitchen to get her food. Dean was distracted by something on the television, so Sam took the opportunity to talk to Lily. "So, physically you're good... How are you doing otherwise?"

"I'm coping. It's been rough, but I'm managing. You guys have been great. Dean has been... beyond wonderful. I don't think I would have made it those first few days if he hadn't been there to take care of me."

"Yeah, he's good at taking care of other people. He has trouble letting people take care of him."

"I know." Lily looked back at Dean to find him still watching tv. "I told him that last night."

"Is that why I heard yelling?"

"Yeah, but he actually opened up to me about losing the baby. I think it did us both a lot of good. Especially your brother."

Sam seemed a little surprised. "I know how hard it is to get him to share anything personal. I'm glad you were able to."

"Me too."

Lily called for Dean to turn off the tv and come eat. They all ate quietly until Sam finally broke the silence.

"I hate to be the one to bring this up. Between Bobby and the baby, we've all had a lot to deal with, but we need to think about getting back on the leviathan trail."

"You're right," Dean said. "I've been thinking about it. That's actually what I was watching on tv... Some news program did a piece on Dick Roman."

"Anything new?"

"Nothing we don't already know."

"Well," Lily said, "I've been cleared for activity by my doctor..." She shot a smile toward Dean, and saw the grin on his face before he bit into his burger. "We can hit the road whenever you guys are ready."

Sam opened his mouth to speak, but Dean beat him to it. "Hang on," he said with a mouthful of food, "no rush."

Sam made a face at his brother's lack of table etiquette, but continued his thought, "Yeah, we have time before we get back on the road. We need more information."

They continued discussing Roman and what they knew about the leviathan. After they ate, Sam pulled out his laptop, and he and Dean started to look up more information. Lily cleaned up the kitchen, then announced that she was going to take a bath. That got Dean's attention. He watched as she walked to her bedroom.

"You know what, Sammy," Dean said standing up, "I'm gonna go make sure she's okay... you know, make sure she has everything she needs."

"Yeah, sure," Sam said with a knowing look. "You do that."

Lily had gotten her towels and began filling the tub. She was just about to pin up her hair and remove her clothes when she heard Dean's voice behind her.

"Still don't lock your bathroom door with two men in the house?"

"Well," she said, "I know Sam won't bust in on me. Especially if I've announced I'm taking a bath." She watched as he slowly walked to the tub and turned the water off. "And I was kinda hoping you would come in," she continued.

"That's what I thought," he said as he made his way toward her. "The bath can wait."

He pulled her to him and kissed her deeply. Lily moaned. He had been holding back lately with his kisses, knowing they couldn't go any further. This kiss held nothing back, and sent shivers down to her toes.

With one arm around her waist, and one hand beneath her rear, he lifted her from the floor and she wrapped her legs around him. He carried her into the bedroom and gently laid her on the bed. She kept her legs wrapped around him, keeping him close to her as his lips moved to her neck. His name came out in a moan when she felt his tongue on her skin. Her fingers moved through the hair at the nape of his neck as his hand began to wander up her side to her breast. He gently squeezed through her clothes, causing another moan to escape her lips.

Dean smiled against her skin as he continued to kiss her neck. He loved knowing he had this effect on her. It had been too long since he heard her cry out his name in passion, and he intended to make her do it again. He ran his hands down her legs and unwrapped them from his waist so he could sit up, then he pulled her into his lap.

Lily's hands were on Dean's face as they kissed, and Dean went to work on Lily's clothes. He slowly began to pull her shirt up, but Lily didn't want to break their kiss. Dean pulled away.

"Arms up, sweetheart."

She did as he asked, and as soon as the shirt was off, her hands were back on his face, pulling him into another kiss. She blindly reached for the hem of his shirt and slipped her hands beneath it, feeling the hardness of his torso. Dean broke their kiss once more to remove his own shirt, wanting to feel more of her skin against his. He barely had it off and Lily was moving to lay Dean back, so he let her. She straddled his hips, leaning over to kiss his neck. Dean's hands undid the hook on her bra and she helped him pull it from her arms without removing her lips from him. His hands were on her before the bra hit the ground, and she pushed into him, enjoying the feel of his hands in places they hadn't been since the last time they made love.

Lily sat up and began undoing his jeans, slipping her hand inside. Dean took in a sharp breath and grabbed her hand, flipping her over, pressing her wrists into the bed.

Lily smiled up at him. "It's so sexy when you take control like that."

A wicked grin flashed across Dean's face. He leaned down and lightly brushed his lips over Lily's. When she tried to deepen the kiss, Dean pulled away. He repeated this several times, still holding her wrists to the bed. She fought against his grip, trying to free her hands, but was once again reminded of just how strong he really was.

"Dean, please..."

Dean smiled and made his way down her neck, moving lower still to her breasts. He made expert use of his tongue. Lily's back arched, and a shiver went through her entire body. Her breathing was rapid and heavy.

"I never thought I'd miss someone's mouth so much," she said.

Dean was back at her lips, his hands still on her wrists. "That was just a little one," he said. He finally freed her and ran his hands down her sides. "Let's see about getting another one."

Lily watched as he kissed down between her breasts, down to her stomach. She watched as he stopped and ran his hand over her, letting his eyes linger there before placing a soft, but firm kiss on her stomach. His eyes then connected with hers as he unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them from her legs, along with her panties. He stood and removed his jeans and boxers, then crawled over her, slowly. She ran her hands along his body until his lips met hers again in a feverish kiss. He gently lifted Lily's legs, one by one, placing them around his hips. With one more kiss, he stared into her eyes and entered her so slowly that it was almost torture for both of them. When their bodies were completely joined together, Dean stopped and ran a hand through Lily's hair.

"You okay?"

"More than okay."

Lily leaned up to capture Dean's lips and he began to move slowly. After a few minutes, Dean felt Lily's body tremble. A few minutes more, and he felt her begin to tighten around him. Her eyes were closed, a look of ecstasy on her face. He stopped long enough to put his arms beneath her so that his hands came up onto her shoulders from behind. She put her arms around him to give him room. He used this leverage to pick up his pace as he kissed her neck. She cried out his name over and over as he moved harder and faster, until both of their bodies were trembling.

Dean rolled to his side and pulled Lily into his arms. They lie there for a while, unmoving, except for their heaving chests, fighting for breath.

"Maybe we should wait more often," Lily said when she could finally speak. "If that's what I get after the waiting is done, it's totally worth it."

"I can give you that every night. No waiting required."

"Oh, I know you can, Tiger."

"Glad to hear that."


	38. Chapter 38

Dean held Lily close, neither of them speaking for a while before Lily couldn't hold the question anymore.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking how good it feels to have you in my arms."

Lily snuggled closer. "It feels wonderful." She lay quietly again for just a moment. "What were you thinking when you kissed my stomach?" Dean didn't answer, so Lily kept going. "I saw your face, Dean."

"I wasn't really thinking anything. I was kissing you, and when I got to your stomach it just hit me that our baby was in there."

"Would you...," Lily hesitated. She didn't want to upset him, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. "How would you feel about actually trying to have a baby one day?"

Dean let out a breath. "Sweetheart, I would love for you to carry my baby, but I just don't see..."

"No. Let's not talk about our lives or what could go wrong. Let's just talk about me, you, and the possibility of a baby."

"If we didn't have this life, yes, I would definitely wanna have a baby with you."

"Boy or girl?"

"It wouldn't matter."

Lily smiled. "Last time we talked I kinda got the feeling you'd prefer a little girl."

"Honestly... there's not much better than a little girl who looks just like her beautiful mother."

Lily was blown away. "I don't know how you do it," she said.

"Do what?"

"Get me to fall more in love with you every day."

"I don't know how I do it, either."

"But you do." She kissed him, running her hand down his chest. "So... Planning for a baby?"

"I don't think we should make any decisions about planning for a baby while we're still grieving the one we lost."

Lily sighed. "You're probably right."

"And I have to be honest, I don't see me planning to have a baby. As much as I would love for you to be the mother of my child, I don't think I could purposely bring a child into this life. If it were to just happen again, I would love that baby with all I have, but..." Dean stopped talking, and Lily could see his eyes welling up.

"It's okay... I understand." She wrapped Dean in her arms, running a hand through his hair. "Dean..."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for talking to me about this."

Dean nuzzled his face into her neck. "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, too."

Lily stayed wrapped up in Dean until she felt herself drifting off. Dean had fallen asleep, so she carefully pulled away, trying not to wake him, but it was hard not to. Dean was always on alert.

"Where you goin'?"

"I never did get my bath."

"Well, maybe I wanna join you."

"Works for me," she said with a smile. "Give me a minute first, okay?" She kissed him, then found his shirt on the floor and pulled it on.

"Damn, Kitten," Dean said with a pout. "You covered up the view."

Lily glanced at him over her shoulder as she entered the bathroom. She heard him counting down from sixty, and she knew he wasn't joking. He'd be at the door, ready to come in when he reached "one." She adjusted the water temperature to get the tub filled, then used the dimmer to turn the lights down a little. Most women would light some candles, put on soft music, maybe have something scented going... not Lily. She and Dean didn't need any of that. They just had to be close to each other, and the temperature in the room went up. The dimmed light was all they needed for romance, and even that wasn't what she intended it for. She wanted to take care of Dean. When he told her he wanted to join her in the bath, she immediately had images of holding him and lightly washing the tension from his muscles.

She pinned up her hair, turned off the water, and turned on the tub jets. She had just slipped into the churning water when Dean came through the door. Lily crooked her finger, motioning for him to come to her.

"Get in," she said with a smile. She leaned back against the tub, which had a slight incline for relaxing.

"Scoot up."

Lily shook her head. "Get in." Dean stepped into the tub and began to sit facing Lily, but she shook her head again. "Turn around."

Dean finally got the idea. He turned around and slid back between Lily's legs, pulling them into his lap as they wrapped around his waist from behind. He leaned back against her and lay his head on her shoulder.

"Now what?" he asked with a grin.

"Close your eyes."

Dean followed instructions, and Lily's hands began to roam under the water. She couldn't see through the bubbles the jets were making and her hand found something she hadn't intended.

Dean jumped, and his eyes popped open. "Hey, what kinda bath is this?"

"Sorry," Lily giggled. "I'm tryin' to find the wash cloth."

"Well, that ain't it... but you're welcome to touch it again."

"Maybe later," she said, smiling. She finally found the wash cloth. "Got it... Close your eyes."

"You gonna take advantage of me again?"

"Dean..."

"Okay... eyes closed."

She lifted the cloth out of the water and let it slide gently over Dean's exposed chest. She squeezed it, letting the warm water pour out of it, down his skin. She softly wiped his face and neck, placing light kisses periodically along the way. Once, she kissed him a little too close to his lips. He turned his head and completely captured her mouth with his. It took her a moment to gather the will to pull away.

"I'm not done yet," she said. "Behave."

Lily washed down his arms and chest, then had him sit up for a moment so she could run the cloth over his back. She quickly dropped the cloth and rubbed with her hands for a few minutes before pulling him to lay back against her again. She could feel that the tension in his body had faded as she wrapped her arms around him.

Lily began kissing his shoulder and neck. Dean's eyes were still closed as he reached for Lily's hand and brought it to his lips, then put it flat against his chest.

"Are you relaxed?" she asked.

"Mmhmm..."

"Good." She lightly tugged his earlobe between her lips, then continued kissing his neck.

"I thought we were behaving?"

"You're behaving... I'm taking care of you."

"Well, sweetheart, if you don't behave it won't be long before my body starts to misbehave all on its own."

"I know," she said with a grin. "Gotta love biology."

A big smile spread across Dean's face. "You bad girl."

Dean ran his hands up and down Lily's legs as she continued to kiss his neck. It had been years since she had seen Dean so relaxed. The slight smile on his face made him look so youthful. More like the Dean she knew when they first hooked up. It seemed like so long ago.

Her hands disappeared beneath the water, still bubbling from the jets, and found the one part of Dean that wasn't so relaxed. She felt some of his other muscles tense as she moved her hands over him, and she decided to have some fun.

"Well, if you're gonna tense up then I can't do this," she said playfully. She removed her hands and Dean began to protest.

"Wait a minute..."

"The whole point is for you to relax."

"Screw relaxation, I like what you were doing."

"But you were getting all tensed up again."

"Sweetheart, sometimes, tension is a good thing... A very, very good thing."

"Should I try again?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh, I think you should."

"Okay," she said with a smile. "Just one thing first..." She turned Dean's face to hers and kissed him deeply. As the kiss continued, Lily's hands made their way back under the water.

Dean practically growled against her mouth. He knew he wouldn't last if she kept this up, and he wanted to be inside of her. He managed to stand up in one swift movement. He pulled a towel from its resting place and began to dry off.

"Stand up," he told Lily. Dropping his towel, he grabbed another and began to dry Lily, a little more gently, then lifted her out of the tub. He placed her feet on the floor and kissed her neck as he continued to dry her. When he finally threw the towel aside, he pulled her to him roughly and attacked her lips. She pulled back for air and stared into his eyes as he walked her backwards into the bedroom.

"If I didn't know better," she said, "that look would scare me."

"Well, it should. I'm about to show you what happens to bad girls when they play with bad boys."


	39. Chapter 39

They stayed at Lily's cabin for a few more days while they started pulling together more information on Dick Roman. Dean put in another call to Frank Devereaux and was waiting to hear back from him.

As Lily gradually pulled out of the depths of her grief over losing the baby, she began to notice certain things again. Things that had been troubling her before. Dean's drinking. Sam's hallucinations. They were back. Had they gone away? Or had she been so wrapped up in her loss that she simply didn't notice?

A case in Portland ended up landing them smack in the middle of a leviathan plot. Dean was suspicious of some local deaths and had Frank look into a real estate company who was trying to buy out a block of local shops. It turned out that the company was linked to Richard Roman Enterprises.

After coming face-to-face with a couple of chompers, they went to see Frank. When they got out of the car, they could hear music playing loudly from inside Frank's trailer. Dean called out for him not to shoot, that they were coming in. When Dean stepped inside, there was blood everywhere. Frank's computers were smashed. Lily and Sam stepped in and took in the scene.

"Oh my God..." Lily gasped.

"Not good," Dean said.

They went back to Lily's cabin to think things out. The first thing Dean did was pour himself a drink.

"Dean..." Lily started to fuss.

"What?" Dean knew what she wanted. He had seen her disapproving looks every time he picked up a drink.

"Nothing. It's late. I'm going to bed."

Lily dozed for a couple of hours, tossing and turning, never quite falling asleep. She turned over in bed to find Dean's side empty. Her stomach was making hungry noises, so she decided to get a snack before trying to sleep again.

She was only a little surprised to find Sam in the kitchen. She looked out into the living area at the empty sofa.

"Where's Dean?" she asked.

Sam shook his head. "I thought he was in your room."

Lily panicked for a moment, thinking he had gone off to a bar to get completely wasted, until she saw his shoes by the front door. She went upstairs to the guest bedrooms and found Dean passed out across one of the beds. She ran a hand across his forehead, and he moved just slightly in his sleep. As she leaned down to kiss his cheek, she could smell the alcohol.

She went back down to Sam and noticed the coffee pot was almost empty.

"Was that a full pot?"

"Uh, yeah. It was."

"Sam, when was the last time you slept?"

"I'm fine."

"That's not what I asked."

"Four days ago," Sam admitted.

"You can't keep this up."

"It's not like I haven't tried to sleep, Lily. Lucifer won't let me. My brain won't turn off the noise."

Lily sighed. "I don't know how much more we can take. The level of constant crap we get thrown at us is beyond ridiculous."

"Tell me about it. You want coffee?"

"Sure. Why not? It's not like I'm sitting here 'cause I was having trouble sleeping, or anything. I may as well join you."

Sam poured Lily a mug of coffee and handed her the cream and sugar. As she added what she liked, she thought about what they were all going through.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Does Dean know how bad it really is? Your hallucinations, I mean."

"I haven't been keeping it a secret. He knows."

"So, you haven't been down-playing it? At all?"

Sam shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe a little."

"Sam..."

"Look, I know... Okay? But you've seen him lately. He hasn't been handling things very well."

"No, he hasn't... But who has?"

Lily drained the rest of her coffee and went to Sam. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he hugged her back.

"Do me a favor?" she asked.

"Sure."

"Go lie down. Your body is probably so exhausted that you'll fall asleep once the caffeine wears off." When he didn't answer she got desperate. "For me? Please, Sam?"

"Okay. I'll go lie down."

She squeezed him tightly. "Thank you." She broke their hug and kissed him on the forehead. "Good night."

"Good night, Lily."

Lily woke the next morning and went into the kitchen. Evidence of her late night talk with Sam sat in the sink. At least he had kept his promise to go lie down. Lily washed out the coffee pot and started to make fresh. She had just sat down on the sofa with her mug when Dean came down the stairs, looking very disheveled. They stared at each other for a moment, both silently acknowledging the fact that he had stayed in a guest room last night.

"Coffee?" Dean asked. His voice was hoarse and deep. A night of too much whiskey and not enough sleep.

Lily pointed to the kitchen and watched as Dean poured himself a cup. She was glad to see him drinking something other than liquor, but it hurt when he sat at the breakfast bar, facing away from her.

"Is there a reason you didn't come to bed last night?"

"Wasn't in the mood for a lecture. Still not," he said over his shoulder.

"When have I ever lectured you?"

"I can feel it comin'."

"Bull shit!" Lily stood and walked up behind Dean. He turned to her with a surprised look on his face. Lily never yelled. She seldom swore. "You didn't wanna face me after almost drinking yourself into a stupor! I'm so tired of this, Dean! I haven't wanted to say anything. I know you're hurting, but we're all hurting! And your brother hasn't slept in four days!" Lily looked toward the stairs and realized that if Sam had fallen asleep, her yelling would wake him up. Dean took her moment of silence to jump in the argument .

"What the hell do you want me to do?!"

"Shhh! Sam might be sleeping."

Dean looked toward the stairs, then back at Lily. His voice was calmer. "I don't know what to do anymore, okay? I'm just trying to stay alive to take out Dick Roman and his leviathan buddies."

"And being wasted is the way to do that," she said sarcastically.

Dean shot her a disdainful smile. "Lecture."

Lily balled up her fists at her sides. They didn't need this right now. None of them. They couldn't let themselves be torn apart, but dammit he was pissing her off.

She was about to bite back, but Dean's phone began to ring. He was all too eager to answer it and get away from the argument. She watched as his eyes shot toward the stairs, and his face fell before he ran up. She followed him to Sam's room. Sam wasn't there. When he hung up, his face was full of worry.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked.

"Sam was hit by a car."

"Oh my God!"

"He's in the hospital. We gotta go."

"Let's go."


	40. Chapter 40

Dean barged into the doctor's office with the nurse hot on his trail, saying that he needed an appointment. Lily was right behind her. Face to face with the doctor, Dean said he was Sam's brother and he wanted to know why he couldn't see Sam. The doctor told the nurse it was okay, so she left, and the doctor continued.

"He's on our locked psychiatric floor."

Lily sat down in the chair with her hand to her mouth. More crap thrown at them. But could they really be surprised? The doctor said Sam was experiencing a full-blown psychotic episode, and they couldn't get him to go to sleep, even though they had pumped him full of sedatives.

"I need to see my brother."

The doctor nodded, with some hesitation, then looked at Lily. "I'll have to ask you to stay here."

"She's comin'," Dean said.

"Sir, I'm sorry..."

"Look, if my brother is as bad off as you say he is... I'm gonna need her..." Dean looked at Lily, worry all over his face. "I need you with me."

Lily stood and put her hand to his cheek, and Dean leaned into it. "Let me talk to him for a minute, okay?"

Dean nodded, and Lily pulled the doctor aside and spoke softly. "I know you have rules, and they're in place for a reason, but these guys have been through so much recently. Last year, Dean lost a close friend. More recently they just lost an uncle who was like a father to them. And, since then, I lost our baby... mine and Dean's. Sam is the only family Dean has left. He needs to be there for Sam... and I need to be there for him. Please."

The doctor reluctantly agreed and took Dean and Lily to see Sam, but let them enter the room alone. Sam was lying on the bed, leaning against wall.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asked.

"Maybe you should cancel my UFC fight," Sam said, trying to lighten the situation.

Lily went to Sam and pulled his head to her, embracing his shoulders. "You promised me you would go lie down. What the hell happened?"

"I did lie down... and the noise just got louder. It all got so real. I guess I thought I could out-run it. I don't know."

Dean sat on the edge of the bed. "Sam, I'm gonna find you help."

Sam scoffed and looked away. He and Dean argued over the idea of a faith healer and the fact that Castiel had warned them what could happen if they put Sam's soul back.

"Screw Cas!" Dean said. "Quit being Dalai frickin' Yoda about this, okay? Get pissed!"

"I'm too tired," Sam said. "This is what happens when you throw a soul into Lucifer's dog bowl. And you think there's just gonna be some cure out there?"

Dean nodded and left the room.

"Dean..." Lily called.

"Let him go," Sam said. "He's gonna have to face it, sooner or later."

Lily turned to Sam with a sad look on her face. "You know, Sam. I never thought you would be the one to give up hope. Especially knowing that your brother would move Heaven and Hell to help you."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Sam said. "Don't let him do anything stupid, Lily."

Lily walked out and found that Dean was just outside the door. "You okay?"

"I'm sorry about this morning."

"Dean, now's not the time."

"Yes, it is. You and Sam are all I have left. I can't lose either of you. Especially not over some stupid argument."

"You won't lose me over an argument, Dean. Not unless you push me away. And even then, I won't make it easy." Lily hugged him, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He buried his face in her neck for a moment before pulling away. "We have to go. I've got some of Bobby's things in the trunk... a couple of address books. I'll make some calls and see if I can get Sam some help."

Back at Lily's cabin, Dean was getting more and more frustrated as each number he called failed to provide any help. He tossed one of Bobby's books onto the table and went to the fridge for a beer. As he pulled out a can, the book fell onto the floor and a business card fell out. Dean called the cell number written on the back and left a message.

Dean was still researching healers when his phone rang. Lily couldn't gather much from just Dean's side of the call, but when he hung up, he closed the laptop and stood.

"Let's go."

"Go where?"

"Colorado. I may have found someone to help Sam. I'll tell you more on the way."

The guy Dean had left a message for had called back with a name: Emmanuel. It seemed like he was the real deal. You had to talk to his wife to get to him, so that's where they headed. Dean rang the bell and a man came out and said that he was Emmanuel. Dean began to explain Sam's problem, but saw a woman bound and gagged through the window. When he turned back to the man, his eyes went black. Dean instinctively pulled Lily behind him. The demon moved in on Dean, but Dean quickly pulled out the demon knife, taking care of his attacker and sending him flying down the porch steps to land at the feet of another man. When Dean's eyes land on this new man's face, his expression changes. Lily sees shock, and doesn't know why.

"What was that?" the man asked.

"It was... a demon," Dean replied, his expression unchanged.

Lily grabbed Dean's arm and whispered as the man looked down at the body at his feet. "Dean, who is that?"

"It's Castiel."

Lily's eyes grew wide. "The angel? The one who got you from Hell?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you said he died?"

Before Dean could say anything, Castiel went up the stairs to the porch and through the front door, heading for the bound woman. He thanked Dean for protecting his wife, and introduced himself as Emmanuel. Dean told him all about Sam. Now he knew why Emmanuel was able to heal people. He was really an angel. Though he seemed to have no memory of anything before meeting his wife. Emmanuel agreed to see Sam, and they hit the road, back to Indiana.


	41. Chapter 41

Dean and Emmanuel spent a good bit of the trip talking. Dean casually slipped in information about Castiel and what he did, almost hoping it would trigger some memory of Castiel's past without Dean having to tell him outright. It didn't work. Dean eventually stopped for some supplies. Lily stayed in the car with Emmanuel. She stared at him from the backseat. She knew all about Castiel. Between Bobby, Dean, and Sam she had been pretty well informed. He was the one who pulled Dean from Hell. He was the one who opened Purgatory and let the Leviathan out. He was the one who broke the wall in Sam's head. He was the one who tried to become god. Lily wasn't sure how she should feel about him.

"I can feel you staring at me," he said, still facing forward.

"Sorry. It's just that I kind of feel like I know you."

He turned in his seat. "Have we met before?"

"No. I can honestly say that we haven't."

He stared down at her hand, her finger lightly tapping on the seat as she waited.

"So, you and Dean..." Emmanuel started.

"Yeah?"

"I'm... sensing a relationship there."

"You could say that," Lily said with a small smile. They still hadn't told Sam that their relationship had moved beyond friends-with-benefits. She wasn't about to tell Castiel... especially when he didn't even remember being Castiel.

"Most people are surprised that I can tell such things."

Lily shrugged. "I guess I just assumed that being able to read people came with your ability to heal," she covered. "I see more weird stuff in a week than most people see in a lifetime, so not much surprises me anymore." Emmanuel nodded, but Lily asked anyway. "So, how did you know? It's not like we were trying to be romantic or anything."

"Actually, I'm not quite sure how I do it. Though is seems to have a physical link."

"What do you mean?"

"Take you, for instance. You were pregnant recently." He stopped as if to wait for confirmation, but it wasn't a question. Lily felt her heart drop, and she nodded so he would continue. "Well, I don't know how, but I can feel that the baby was Dean's."

"Was?"

Emmanuel looked confused at her question. "You... lost the baby." Once again, it wasn't a question.

Lily brushed a tear from her eye. "Yes." She started to feel a little boxed in. "I'm gonna step outside for a minute."

She got out of the car and walked away a bit. When she heard the passenger door open, she shook her head. "You should really stay in the car," she said without turning around.

"I'm sorry if I upset you. My wife tells me that I sometimes lack people skills."

Lily turned to look at him. "It's okay," she said with a weak smile. "The baby is still a weak spot for me."

"I understand."

A moment later she saw Dean walking toward them. She wiped her eyes to make sure Dean wouldn't be able to tell she had been crying. When she looked again, there was someone with Dean. A woman.

"Her face!" Emmanuel said as she approached. "She's one of..."

"It's okay," the woman said. "We come in different flavors."

Lily gave Dean a questioning look, and noticed that his eyes wouldn't quite meet hers.

"She's, uh... a friend," Dean said.

"Meg," the woman said.

"Meg?!" Lily's eyes shot from Meg to Dean. "Are you kidding me?"

"Just here for moral support," Meg said, her attention on Emmanuel. "I mean, after all, we go way back. Dean and me. Just met you, of course. But I think we're gonna be good friends, too."

"All right. Can we go?" Dean asked with frustration.

"I'm not riding in the backseat with her."

"That hurts," Meg said, then looked Dean. "Who is this chick?"

"Nobody you wanna mess with, trust me," Dean said. He looked at Lily. "You sit in the front. Emmanuel can sit between us."

"Well don't I feel like a second-class citizen," Meg said. "Why can't he just sit in the back with me?"

"No way, sister," Dean said. "Not gonna happen."

Lily wanted to talk Dean alone, but that would mean leaving Meg alone with Emmanuel. That wasn't happening. They all got in the car. Dean looked around at the unsmiling faces.

"This is gonna be a fun ride," he said, sarcastically.

When they finally arrived at the hospital, it was night. Dean parked far enough away that they wouldn't be seen. He looked through binoculars at several people in front of the building, but Emmanuel and Meg were able to tell without aid that they were all demons. Meg made a comment, asking Dean if he had any ideas of how they could 'blast through' the demons, and Dean pulled her aside.

Lily knew that Dean was trying to avoid telling Castiel about his past. At least until they saw if he could heal Sam. Lily strained, but couldn't hear Dean and Meg. Emmanuel, on the other hand, began to walk toward them.

"I gather we know each other," he said.

"Just a dollop," Meg said.

"You can tell me. I'll be fine."

"How do you know?" Dean asked. "You just met yourself. I've known you for years."

"You're an angel," Meg said. Lily looked at Dean, who seemed upset that she blabbed.

"I'm sorry? Is that a flirtation?" Emmanuel asked.

"No, it's a species," Meg said. "A very powerful one."

"She's not lying," Dean said. "Okay? That's why you heal people."

They talked just a bit more. Meg told Castiel that he could smite every demon waiting outside the hospital, but he said he didn't remember how. He agreed to try anyway and headed down toward the demons.

Dean, Lily, and Meg watched as Castiel got rid of each and every demon. With each demon he smote, Castiel regained his memory. As he took out the last demon, the others joined him.

"Cas?" Dean questioned.

"I remember you," Castiel replied. "I remember everything."

He became upset by the memories of what he did, and began to walk away. Dean went after him. Lily wanted to go with Dean, but she knew he had to get this settled with Castiel, alone. So, she waited with Meg, silently in front of the hospital, trying not to look at her. Just the sight of her made Lily's skin crawl.

Dean turned back to Lily and shouted, "Hang tight a minute." Lily watched as Dean led Castiel back to the car.

"Great," she said, "where are they going?"

"He's probably giving Cas a little pep talk," Meg said.

"Excuse me, was I talking I you?" Her tone didn't hide her hatred, and she didn't even look at Meg as she said it.

"So hostile. You don't even know me."

Lily whipped her head around. "I know about you... what you've done to Sam and Dean over the years... and I know your kind. That's enough." She turned her attention back to the direction of the car, and watched as Dean and a trench-coated Castiel walked toward her. Dean walked up to her and gently squeezed her arm.

"I need you and Meg to stay out here."

"What? Why?"

"There's no way we're all getting in there unnoticed. Me and Cas can get in and get Sam fixed."

"Dean, don't make me stay out here with this demon. If you do, I can't be held responsible for my actions."

"That's actually another reason for you to stay. Keep an eye on Meg. And don't kill her. We may be able to use her before this is all over, but..." Dean pulled out his demon knife and handed it to Lily. "Just in case." He looked her in the eye and saw the hatred there. He knew he had to make her understand. "I know I can trust you, Lily."

"Okay, go. Hurry back."

Dean and Castiel went inside, and Lily and Meg walked back to the car. Lily held the demon knife in her hand as a visible warning for Meg, who was walking just two steps behind.

"So," Meg said, "is it my imagination, or are you and Dean-o playing mattress tag?"

Lily turned and her fist made direct contact with Meg's gut. Meg doubled over to catch her breath. It may not have hurt her badly, but it still knocked the air out of her meat suit's lungs.

"Listen, bitch," Lily said, "I've put up with you this far because I'm following Dean's lead. His brother, his way. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit here and listen to you while he's not around. So, shut you're mouth, or I'll shut it for you."

Meg, still slightly bent over, looked up at Lily, but didn't say a word. Lily held the door to the backseat open. "Get in," she ordered. Meg got in, and Lily slammed the door behind her. She paced for a while before getting into the front seat. She sat with her back against the driver's side door and her legs stretched across the seat. She kept Meg in her peripheral vision at all times.

It was almost dawn when Dean came running back to the car. He opened the passenger door and stuck his head in. "We need Meg."

"What's wrong?" Lily asked.

"I'll explain later. Let's go, Meg."

Meg climbed out and followed Dean, leaving behind a furious Lily. She didn't calm down until she saw Dean come out with Sam behind him. Lily got out of the car and practically ran to Sam.

"Are you okay?" She threw her arms around him and his arms slowly encircled her.

"Yeah. I'm okay. No hallucinations."

Lily pulled away and looked at Dean. "Where's Cas?" The guys looked at each other, then the ground. "What happened?"

"Whatever Cas did... it's like he took in Sam's illness. He was completely out if it. Meg is staying on as a nurse to make sure no demons get to him."

"A demon is going to protect an angel from other demons?"

"It's in her best interest, so, yeah."

Sam spoke up. "Dean, I'm with Lily. I don't like this. This whole 'enemy of my enemy is my friend' thing feels kind of like a demon deal."

"It's not a deal. Look, man, I get it. She's not our friend. We don't even have friends. All our friends are dead."

Dean climbed behind the wheel and Sam and Lily exchanged a look before getting in. Sam in the front, Lily in the back. All that really mattered right now was that Sam was okay.


	42. Chapter 42

The ride back to Lily's cabin was quiet, except for Dean filling Sam in about how they found Castiel. Lily wanted to talk to Sam and make sure he was really okay, but she knew Dean wouldn't want to talk about it. And that included listening to them talk about it. She also wanted to talk to Dean about Meg, but that would come later, when they were alone.

As soon as they were inside, Dean threw down his duffel and headed for the bedroom.

"I'm gonna get some sleep."

"Good," Lily said. "You're pushing forty-eight hours." She followed Sam into the kitchen. "What about you? You haven't slept in a week."

"Actually, I'm okay. Whatever Cas did left me feeling pretty good."

Lily sat at the table while Sam poked around in the cabinets. "So... what was it like?" she asked.

Sam kind of froze and hesitated.

"Only if you wanna talk about it," Lily added.

"No, it's okay. I mean, for a while I didn't know what was real and what wasn't, but I got pretty good at sorting that out."

"When did it get to the point of you not sleeping?"

"I made the mistake of talking to Lucifer."

"What?"

"Well, my hallucination, anyway." Sam sat down at the table with a water bottle. "Dean went missing and I... I worked my way through the job by talking it out with Lucifer. I let him in, and then he wouldn't leave me alone."

"But it was just a hallucination."

"Yeah, well... I guess with Satan, real or imagined, once you let him in, he's in."

"Just how bad did it get?"

"Imagine your worse day... You're stressed, exhausted, and Dean won't shut up... about anything."

Lily let out a chuckle. "Okay."

"Now, multiply that by a hundred... and Dean is Lucifer."

Lily reached out and squeezed Sam's hand. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

"Yeah, well..." Sam shrugged. He took a big gulp of water, then changed the subject. "So, you finally met Castiel, huh?"

"Sort of. I met 'Emmanuel.'"

"Right. I doubt he was really much different, though."

"You'd have to ask Dean. Do you think Dean will forgive Cas for everything?"

"I don't know."

"Me either. I never met Cas, but I know what he did... I don't know how to feel about him."

"Well, he fixed me... knowing it would harm him."

"That's true. But it's his fault you were like that to begin with."

"Also true... to an extent. That wall could have crumbled at any time."

"You don't know that."

"No, I don't. That's the point."

Lily nodded in agreement. After a silent moment, she changed the subject. "What about Meg?"

"What about her?"

"I don't like us working with her."

"Neither do I, but Dean seems to think it's mutually beneficial."

"After everything she's done to you guys... Possessed you, possessed Bobby... unleashed the hellhounds that killed Jo. How can he work with her?"

"He doesn't trust her. You can believe that. I'm sure he has his reasons."

"Whatever his reasons, I'm not gonna like it."

"Yeah, well, we've been in situations like this before... working with the bad guys. Hell, we cooperated with Crowley on more than one occasion."

"Someone else I've thankfully managed to avoid."

"Don't know how, hanging with us. You'll run into him sooner or later."

"Oh, joy," she said in a flat tone.

When lunchtime rolled around, Dean was awake and looking for food. He went to the diner in town and picked up food to bring back to the cabin. They talked about the leviathan and reworked all the information they had. With Bobby gone, and now Frank, things were harder. They decided not to go after Dick Roman just yet. They would keep taking jobs until they got more information.

Dean and Sam spent time online and in books while Lily cleaned house. That night, they sat on the sofa watching television, each with a beer. Lily was in the middle with Sam to her left. Dean sat to her right, with his arm around her. Sam yawned, drawing looks from both Dean and Lily.

"What?" Sam asked. Giving them both a questioning look.

"Tired?" Lily asked.

"A little."

"Why don't you go get some sleep, dude," Dean said.

"I think I just might." Sam drained what was left of his beer, then went to throw it away in the kitchen. When he passed back through to go upstairs, he told them goodnight.

Dean tightened his arm around Lily, and they continued to watch television in silence for a while. Their empty bottles eventually sat on the table. Lily felt Dean nuzzling just behind her ear. She tried to pretend it wasn't affecting her, but it was. When he reached up with his right hand and moved her hair back to place a light kiss there, she took in a deep breath. That only encouraged Dean, and his hand went to her thigh and gently squeezed.

"What are you doing?" she managed to squeak out.

"What do you think?"

"No, Dean..." She put her hand on top of his on her thigh. "We need to talk about Meg."

"Ahhh, come on..." he sighed as he laid his head back. "Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm not. I don't like this."

"Well, neither do I, but I think she can be useful."

"Until Crowley offers her a better deal."

"Crowley wants Meg tortured, then dead. He won't be dealing with her."

"So, you actually trust her?"

"Hell no! But I trust her situation. She's desperate."

Lily hesitated for just a moment. "You know I trust you, right?"

Dean gave her a small smile. "Well, actually hearing it is nice... But yeah, I know."

"I'll trust you with this, too."

Dean almost looked touched by her words. "Thank you." He kissed Lily on the lips, and returned his hand to her thigh. "Is there anything else you wanna talk about before I get started again?"

"Just one more thing," Lily said. "I love you."

Dean smiled. "I love you, too, sweetheart."

Dean returned his lips to hers, and moved his hand from her thigh to her neck. He used his other arm to brace himself as he slowly lowered her back onto the sofa. As he began to unbutton her shirt, she remembered where they were.

"Dean...," she managed to get out between kisses, but he didn't respond. "Dean..."

"What?" Dean asked, still kissing her.

"We..." She turned her head so she could speak. "We're on the sofa."

Dean pulled back and looked down at her. "So?"

"Sam could come down."

A wicked smile flashed across Dean's face. "So, let him."

Lily started to protest, but Dean quickly covered her mouth with his, smothering her words until they turned into moans as his hands finished with her shirt buttons. He wasted no time, and pulled down the cups of her bra, wanting more of her.

When Lily started pushing at Dean's top shirt, he sat back on his heels and pulled both shirts off. Lily took the opportunity to remove her shirt and bra completely, and started working on Dean's jeans. She slipped her hand inside and gently massaged the bulge there.

Dean stayed on his knees, but leaned over, placing his hands on either side of Lily, one of them balled into a fist.

"Son of a bitch," he grunted.

She slipped her hands into his boxers and began to really drive him crazy. She watched as he clenched his jaw and shut his eyes tight. When she leaned up and ran her tongue over his chest, his eyes popped open. He sat back, pulled her hands away and pinned them onto the sofa above her head. Lily smiled up at him.

"Kitten, you are too good at that."

"Is there such a thing?"

"There is when you wanna take your time."

"Well, maybe you should walk it off... say... to the bedroom?"

Dean chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Come on." He pulled her off the sofa and they collected their discarded clothing before heading to the bedroom. Once inside, Dean slowly removed the rest of Lily's clothing. He pushed her back onto the bed before removing his own clothes and joining her. His hands and lips roamed everywhere, allowing him time to recover from Lily's pleasurable torture. He took her slowly and gently, whispering "I love you."

Lily pulled Dean's face back and stared into his eyes. "I love you, too, baby... so much."


	43. Chapter 43

They worked with Garth on their next case. He salted and burned the bones of who he thought killed a boy in the woods, but when a second victim popped up, he called Dean.

Garth's EMF detector seemed to be acting up. It wasn't detecting any EMF, but Dean would come in after and his EMF would go nuts. Garth worked on it in the motel room as they talked. When they went to the next victim's house, Garth used both his and Dean's and neither detected any EMF.

Sam and Lily had stayed at the motel to do some research. When Dean and Garth got back, Sam filled them in on what they found out. Garth dropped his EMF reader and it made a noise. Dean it took it and turned it off.

"I'm concerned that Bobby might be haunting you," Garth said to Sam. "I brought it up to Dean, and he shot me down."

"Garth! Leave it alone," Dean said.

"It's okay," Sam said.

"No, it's far from okay."

"I've already tried contacting Bobby." Dean's face gave away his surprise. "When that beer disappeared, I pulled out a talking board."

"Without me?"

"You know, I figured, why drag you in... when it's something I could just put to bed myself."

"And?"

"And if he was there, I'd have told you."

"You could have told us you tried," Lily said. "You know Dean was thinking Bobby was around."

"Well, he's not," Sam said.

When the guys split up to cover a few potential victims, Lily opted to stay behind at the motel. She would be there to do some quick research if they needed it, or try to get to one of them if they needed back up. They returned late that night. They had taken care of the monster, and they all needed sleep. Garth passed out on a stool with his head on the bar-height counter. Sam fell asleep sitting up in a chair. Dean had sprawled across the bed and drifted in and out of consciousness. Lily tried to clean up after the guys a little, but she heard Dean call her name in a whisper. When she looked over, he was still on his stomach across the bed, propping himself up one one arm.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Trying not to leave the place a total mess."

"We'll do that tomorrow. Come here."

He moved to lie correctly on the bed, still on top the covers, and held his arm out for Lily. As she lay down with her back to him, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

"You've got me really messed up, you know that?"

"How?" she asked.

"I've been finding it hard to fall asleep if you're not next to me."

Lily smiled and ran her hands over his arms. "Well, I'm here now," she said, "and I guess you'll just have to take me with you wherever you go."

"That could work."

The next morning they all saw Garth off, then went back into the room for their things. Sam and Dean were arguing again over whether or not Bobby could be around. Sam eventually convinced Dean that it was just because they wanted him back so badly that they were seeing such weird things.

A few days later, Dean got a call from another hunter, named Annie. She said she had some of Bobby's old books and wanted to know if the boys wanted them. She told them where she was working a case, and they were pretty close. They agreed to meet for lunch the next day. Annie didn't show. That made the guys worried.

They tracked down her motel room and started looking over her research until they found the house she had been investigating. They checked it out, and found her phone, but not her. They dug up some more information on the history of the house, then went back to the motel. Lily sat cross-legged on the bed with the laptop, while Sam sat at the table with papers about the house. Dean was in the shower. Lily heard the water turn off, then Dean called for Sam. Sam walked over to the open bathroom door.

"Tell me you wrote that," Dean said.

"Uhhh... no. No, I didn't."

"Well, then, who's there?" There was no response, so Dean shouted. "I said, who's there?!"

Lily got up to see what all the commotion was about. She walked up behind Sam just in time to see letters slowly being formed on the steamy bathroom mirror. They spelled "Bobby."

They struggled with the fact that Bobby really had been with them the whole time, and they linked it back to Bobby's old flask, which Dean kept on him at all times. Sam and Dean practically mowed Lily over as they left the bathroom.

"We gotta go," Dean said.

"Where?" Lily asked.

"Back to that house. Bobby said Annie is trapped inside."

Sam grabbed his weapons bag and was out the door. Lily stared back at the mirror. The steam was gone, and it had taken the name with it.

"We're not crazy, right?" she asked. "We all saw Bobby's name there?"

Dean put his hand to the back of her head. "Yeah, sweetheart." He quickly kissed her forehead. "We all saw it." He paused a moment, staring into her eyes. "Don't get mad..."

"That doesn't sound promising."

"I want you to stay here."

"Dean..."

"There's something really weird with that house. I don't like the feel of it. We've already got Annie stuck in there. I don't wanna be worried about you too."

Lily nodded. "Okay. Just come back in one piece."

"I'll do my best."

When the guys finally got back, their heads were down and their faces stern.

"You find Annie?" Lily asked.

Dean just nodded slightly. Sam was the one who answered. "We found her body."

"Guys... I'm so sorry."

"We found someone else, too," Dean said.

"Who?"

He pointed behind Lily, so she turned around and saw Bobby.

"Hey, kid," Bobby said with a smile.

Lily's eyes went wide. "Bobby?" Without thinking, she ran to him to throw her arms around him. She almost fell as she passed through him, and he flickered slightly.

"Sorry, kid. I wish I could hug ya, but..."

He held his arms out, letting his condition speak for itself. Bobby was dead. A ghost. He wouldn't be hugging anyone. Lily stared at him and tried to smile, but her eyes quickly filled with tears. Dean walked over to her and put an arm around her.

"It's been a long night," Dean said. "I think we all need some sleep."

They got ready for bed, and Bobby disappeared. Lily sat in the chair by the window, just staring into the room, wondering if Bobby was there watching them. Sam was already asleep, and Dean lying in bed.

"Lily, come on... we gotta hit the road early."

She silently stood and walked to the bed. Dean lifted the covers for her. She snuggled into him and he wrapped his arms around her.

"I can't believe Bobby's still here," she said. "You were right... the whole time."

"Of course I was," Dean said with a grin.

"Did you guys get to really talk to him yet? How did he get stuck here?"

"We'll talk on the road tomorrow, okay? We need sleep."

Dean kissed her head and she let out a sigh. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too."

Lily's eyes were heavy, but she couldn't fall asleep. She slipped out of Dean's arms and got out of bed. As she walked toward the small table by the window, she looked around the room.

"Bobby," she whispered. "Are you here?"

Bobby flickered as he appeared in the middle of the room. Lily sat down, her eyes glued to him.

"I'm here."

"I don't know if I should be happy you're here or not. What happened?"

"I chose to stay."

"Why?"

"You really gotta ask? I had to help you and the boys."

"Dammit, old man... I really wish I could hug you." Bobby just smiled at her. "How long have you been around? The whole time?"

"Far as I can tell. It was weird at first, but I was around."

"Were you... around when I was... when we lost the baby?"

"I was. Sorry about that, kid."

Something occurred to Lily then. "Are you in the room when Dean and I... I mean..."

"Don't even say it," Bobby cringed. "You two are like rabbits, sometimes. Thankfully there's enough range on that flask that I can leave the room whenever you two are alone. I don't even wait to see if anything starts."

Lily blushed and looked away. "You remember, before you died, you figured out that I was in love with Dean?"

"I do."

"Do you need an update on that, or do you know how that turned out?"

Bobby smiled at her. "I know. I also know you haven't told Sam yet."

Lily glanced over at Sam sleeping. "He has to know... on some level, he has to realize."

"He may know you love Dean, and he may have figured out that Dean loves you, but he'll never know you've admitted it to each other unless you tell him."

"Bobby...," Lily started.

Dean rolled over in bed and grunted. It startled Lily, and Bobby flickered before disappearing, leaving her staring at the now empty space. Dean leaned up on his elbows.

"What are you doin' up?"

"I couldn't sleep. I was talking to Bobby."

Dean sat up. "Where is he?"

"I don't know, he just disappeared."

"He must have lost his concentration." Dean adjusted the pillows, then motioned to Lily. "Come back to bed."

Lily returned to where she had been before in Dean's arms. Her mind was calmer after talking to Bobby, and she soon fell asleep.


	44. Chapter 44

Bobby didn't pop up again for a couple of days. Sam, Dean, and Lily decided to head to the cabin in Montana since it was closer and more of Bobby's stuff was there. They made some calls and did some research, trying to get back on the leviathan trail. They weren't having much luck.

When Bobby finally reappeared, he was struggling. He was still weak from trying to help Annie, and thinking about Dick Roman was getting him worked up. He was finally able to fill them in on what he had seen in Dick Roman's office before he died. Sam and Dean sat at the table, while Lily sat on the arm of the sofa, facing them. Bobby just stood.

The leviathan were building slaughterhouses. And humans were the meat. They were also building research centers that would find cures for every disease and cancer. They would make people complacent, and fat, by feeding them whatever had been in the turducken sandwich Dean had gotten stoned on just before Bobby died. Then they would cure them, then lead them to the slaughter. The plan was to knock humans off the top of the food chain, and put themselves there.

But Roman was also digging. They still had no clue what that was about. He had active dig sites all over the world, looking for something. But what?

As they talked, Sam's laptop dinged.

"It's an e-mail...," Sam said. "from Frank.

"Frank's alive?" Dean asked.

"That jackass," Bobby complained. "always stealing my thunder."

"Sam and Dean," Sam read aloud, "if you're reading this, I'm dead... or worse. This e-mail was sent because some prince is trying to hack into my hard drive right this second. So unless it's you, you got trouble. My drive is full of compromising info. Your new aliases, hangouts, where you stored your car..."

Dean's eyes got wide. "Baby?"

Lily walked over to Dean and put a hand on his shoulder as Sam summed up the rest of the e-mail.

"Even though he encrypted the crap out of his drive, he says we should assume that someone can hack into it eventually. He did put a tracking device in it." After a few clicks, a map came up with the location of the drive. "All right, let's see where Frank's drive is."

Sam clicked the location, and the name popped up: Richard Roman Enterprises.

"Perfect," Dean said. "It's in the middle of the Death Star."

"There was more in Frank's e-mail," Lily said. "I saw another link."

Sam went back to the e-mail. Frank said if the computer being used had a webcam, this link would let them see through it. Sam clicked, and soon the image of a red-haired woman came up on the screen.

"Think she's a leviathan?" Lily asked.

"Only one way to know," Dean said. "Well, alright, off to Chicago." He stood and Bobby began to protest. He tried to convince them that he should go into the office and scope the place out, but the boys weren't having it. They were afraid he would go vengeful if faced with Dick Roman, and they told him he would be sitting it out. He was not happy.

The three took turns driving to save time and avoid long stops. Sam was able track down the identity of the hacker and got her address. They went there first. Lily parked by a side exit in an alley, and the guys climbed out before she even turned the engine off. She moved to get out, but Dean closed her door just as she opened it. She stared up at him with her mouth open in shock, then rolled down the window.

"What are you doing?"

"Stay here. We may need to get out of here fast. In five minutes, turn the engine back on, just in case."

"When did I become the get away driver?"

"You're already sitting there. Just stay put."

Lily settled back in the driver's seat, but she wasn't happy. "You're gonna hear about his later."

"I'm sure I am," Dean said as he walked away.

Dean called her a few minutes later to tell her that they were in and the apartment was clear, but he still wanted her to stay in the car. The next call came almost half an hour later. The hacker had come home, but she was freaked out, and agreed to help them. She needed a few things and Dean asked Lily to go pick them up.

"Awesome," Lily said as she put the car in drive, "now I'm an errand girl."

Lily got what they needed and made her way up to the apartment. Sam answered the door and took the bag from Lily, stepping aside to let her in, then locking up. As Lily walked into the living area, she saw Dean and the woman sitting at a table. The woman was on a laptop.

"Lily," Dean said, "this is Charlie. Charlie... Lily. She does what we do."

Charlie looked up from her laptop and gave a somewhat shy smile. "Oh... Hi."

"Nice to meet you, Charlie."

"Likewise."

Dean stared at Charlie for a moment as her smile lingered, then he turned back to Lily. "Charlie has volunteered to go into Dick Roman's office and hack his e-mail for us."

"Ummm... Isn't that dangerous?"

"Very," Charlie said, "but if you guys can't stop him we'll all be eaten anyway, right?"

"Right... But..."

Dean cut off. "We already told her she didn't have to help. She wants to."

"Okay," Lily said, "what's the plan?"

They filled Lily in and went to work getting everything set up, including a van with surveillance. It was late that night by the time they were ready and got the van in place. Lily drove the car behind them and parked it a block away, just in case, before joining them in the van.

Charlie waited outside of Roman Enterprises until the guys were ready for her to go in. Dean saw something in the surveillance camera. In a pocket on Charlie's bag... It was Bobby's flask. Bobby managed to get it there so he could hitch a ride inside. Dean was upset, but he said they had to go through with this. He talked to Charlie through an earpiece and told her that it was a good luck charm, and a family heirloom. She took a drink from it for courage, but still couldn't move until Sam gave her a pep talk.

Through some fancy camera work, they made it look like Charlie got out of the elevator on the fourth floor. In actuality, with some help from a forged, specially coded magnetic I.D. strip, she made her way to the executive floor. One hitch, a guard was in the way. There was no way around him. Dean wanted Charlie to flirt her way past him, but she said it wouldn't work because the guard wasn't her type... he wasn't a girl. Dean seemed surprised, but pressed forward. He told her he would walk her through it. And he did... a little too well. Sam wouldn't stop laughing as Dean fed Charlie each line as if he were Cyrano de Bergerac. Lily held her laughter, but couldn't suppress her smile.

Charlie eventually got in and copied Roman's e-mails onto a flash drive, which she brought back to her desk. She sent Sam the files and they looked over them together. Whatever Dick was digging for, he had stopped. Something was being flown in from Iran, and it would be there soon. Charlie sent a delay notification to Roman that looked like it was from the airline so the guys could get to it first. Her work was almost done. She would wipe any references to leviathan, Dick Roman, or the Winchesters from Frank's drive, then call the guys when she was gone.

The guys ditched the van and got back in the car. Dean drove to the airport. Lily sat in the back. When they arrived, she moved to get out, but Dean turned to her. She knew before he opened his mouth.

"Yeah, yeah," she said. "I stay in the car for a quick getaway."

Dean smiled at her. Sam got out of the car, but Dean stayed in long enough to say, "I love you," with a sly smile.

"I love you, too, ass hat. Get out of here."

Lily climbed into the driver seat and waited. When the guys came back out they had a large case. They casually walked over, and Dean tapped the trunk. Lily got out with the key and opened it.

"Any idea what's inside?" she asked.

"No clue," Dean said.

"So now what?" Sam asked.

"See what we've won," Dean said.

Dean opened the case which held something wrapped in cloth. He unfolded the cloth, and they all stared.

"Did we just... steal a.. a hunk of red clay?" Sam asked

"That's a good question," Dean said. "Why don't we answer that a few thousand miles away from here, though? Now where is Charlie?"

Dean called Charlie's phone, but she didn't answer.

"Crap! Come on, Charlie!"

"We have to go back for her, Dean," Lily said.

"I know."

Dean punched the accelerator and drove back to Richard Roman Enterprises as fast as he could. The guys ran toward the building and Lily jumped behind the wheel. Dean didn't tell her to, and she didn't wait for the orders. If Charlie wasn't answering, it was because she couldn't. They would have to leave fast.

She saw Sam run out first with Charlie in his arms. Lily got out and opened the back passenger door so Sam could get Charlie in the car.

"Get in with her," Sam said to Lily.

Lily got in and helped Sam get Charlie in. Dean came running up behind. Sam turned to his questioning eyes. Why was no one in the driver's seat?

"Engine's running," Sam yelled. "Go!"

Dean ran to the driver's side and flung himself in. Sam barely got his door closed before Dean took off. Lily sat in the back with her arm around Charlie, who was clearly in a lot of pain.

"What happened in there," Lily asked.

"Bobby happened!"

"I'm sure our little borax bomb didn't help," Sam said.

Charlie was still holding her arm with a pained expression. Dean looked in the rearview mirror.

"Charlie, talk to us. You okay?"

"No. Why didn't you kill him?"

"'Cause we can't yet," Sam said. "But we will."

"The really evil ones always need a special sword," Charlie grumbled. "Oh, okay. I'm gonna pass out now."

Charlie lay down and her head fell into Lily's lap. Lily was a little surprised at first, but she brushed Charlie's hair back and saw she really had passed out.

"Guys, she needs a doctor."

Dean drove to the hospital and they stayed up all night waiting for her in the emergency room. Her arm was broken when Bobby attacked a leviathan. The guys told the doctor she had missed the last step on the staircase and fallen on her arm pretty hard. It seemed to pass as believable.

They drove her back to her apartment to quickly grab a few things, then took her to the bus station.

"So listen," Sam said, "we can't thank you enough."

"Actually," Charlie said, "you can. Never contact me again, like, ever. Deal?"

She extended her hand to Sam, who shook it.

"Deal," he said.

She shook Dean's hand, then Lily's. But she held onto hers a little longer.

"You can call me," Charlie said with a smile. "Thanks for taking care of me in the back seat."

"You're very welcome," Lily said, smiling, "but, uh..."

Dean put an arm around Lily and pulled her close to his side, giving Charlie a lopsided grin.

"Oh," Charlie said. "My mistake. Can't blame a girl for tryin'. Peace out, bitches."

They watched as Charlie handed off her bag and got on the bus. Dean and Sam talked about what to do with Bobby. Charlie had left the flask in the car, so they talked before they got back to him. What he had done was on the verge of vengeful spirit behavior, and they all knew what came next. But this was Bobby. Dean suggested they figure out what was in the red clay dirt they stole from Roman. Then they would worry about Bobby.

Completely exhausted, they all agreed to take turns driving and sleeping until they got to Lily's cabin. When they finally arrived, they all went straight for showers. Dean crashed on the sofa while Lily used the master bath, and Sam used the guest bath. When Lily was done, Dean got in. She took the opportunity to make sure that Bobby's flask stayed in the living area, away from her bedroom.

Lily climbed in bed and waited for Dean. She watched him slide under the covers, and didn't even give him a chance to settle.

"So... Winchester..."

"Jacobs..."

"You worried about a little competition from Charlie?"

"What?"

"Got a little possessive there, didn't you?"

"Hey, I was just trying to help you out of an awkward situation."

"Sure... You know, I was actually expecting some smart ass comment from you about two chicks. I kinda thought you'd be intrigued by the idea."

Lily slowly straddled Dean as she spoke, leaning over so their faces were close, and his eyebrows went up a little at her suggestion. He smiled, but then put his hands in her hair.

"Normally, maybe... but I don't want anyone else touching you. Male or female."

Lily kissed him, and his hands slid down her neck before he pulled away.

"Hang on," he said. "Where's the flask?"

He started to sit up, but Lily pushed him back down. "I left it in the living room."

"That's my girl."

His lips returned to hers, and they made love before falling asleep in each other's arms.


End file.
